One day at a time

What a week it has been ..

Last week at this time we had just returned from the emergency room with Princess with the horrible news that I would now be taking care of two children with Type 1 diabetes.

I guess if there is a silver lining in this....it's that we caught it early and I knew what to look for.  There was no long hospital stay either.

I didn't realize that the day after diagnosis would be harder then the day of.  Taking Princess to the endo for the first time was hard.  One of the hardest things I have ever done. (emotionally, anyway) We ended up in the same room that we were in when Lovebug was diagnosed.  It was surreal.  Princess sat in the same bean bag chairs that Lovebug adores so much.  Words just do not even do justice to my emotions.

We have the same CDE, Miss Sally and the same doctor for both girls.  Makes things a little easier, until Miss Sally came into the room. She looked ready to cry. She gave me a big hug and I couldn't help but cry. I really  could not believe this was happening.  Miss Sally taught us how to take care of Lovebug and now Princess. We haven't actually gotten to see our doctor yet.  He was at a conference that day, but I am sure the first few endo appointments for Princess are going to be hard.

I will never forget Princess when she got her Rufus bear. We pulled  Rufus out of the bag to show her and the tears flowed again.  She LOVES Rufus.  Lovebug didn't take to Rufus right away, but Princess did and she really has not let go of him much the past week.  Every time Princess gets a shot, Rufus has to get a shot too.  I am so glad her bear is such a comfort to her.

Princess with her Rufus bear

After we were done at the endo's office, we had to take her to get blood work done in the same place where Lovebug gets her done.  Lovebug does pretty good with her blood draws.  When it came to Princess, it took both my hubby and I to hold her down so they could get her blood.  It was the worst feeling EVER.  I left in tears.  

That's pretty much how the rest of the day went.  When we wanted to give her a shot she would scream and push us away.  She has ran away from us screaming, "I don't want a shot, Mommy!".  It is horrible.  Just plain horrible.  Lovebug never did that. She cried but she never screamed and never ran away from us.

Princess has been very vocal about her diabetes, something Lovebug has never really been.  Last Monday when I was talking her her about an insulin pump like her big sister's she told me that she doesn't want to have diabetes and she doesn't want a pump like Lovebug's either.  It just breaks my heart....(she changed her mind about the pump the next day.)

Wednesday morning when she got up, she showed me Rufus and said "This is Rufus, Mommy. He has diabetes just like me and Lovebug. But not like you and Daddy. You and Daddy don't have diabetes."  I could not believe those words were coming out of my 3 year old!

Even this morning at church when I picked her up, she told me..."I told my teacher that I have diabetes."  Seriously?!  It was all I could do to keep from tearing up.  Then of course I ran into someone who hadn't heard about the diagnosis and had to tell her.  I completely broke down.

Needless to say we are getting there, one day at a time.

In the blink of an eye

You never think it will really happen to you....and then it does.  And the whole world stands still.

It all started Saturday night.  Princess was up quite a few times to use the bathroom, which was very unusual for her but she had drank quite a bit that day so I didn't think much of it.  Needless to say between Princess being up "peeing" and Lovebug having stubborn high blood sugars....I was exhausted and so was my hubby.  

I had to drag my bum out of bed anyway.  I wanted to go to church and needed to since I had Easter Drama rehearsal.  Tim decided to stay home with the girls and get some extra sleep.   

When I got home from church a few hours later, Princess came up to me asking for a drink. My hubby stepped in and said "no", since she had just had a drink.  I sarcastically asked him if she had been drinking a lot that morning. No sooner had the words come out of my mouth and I was thinking back to the night before and Princess going to the bathroom, a lot. My hubby and I looked at each other. We knew what each other was thinking without even saying anything.  

My hubby went over to our diabetes supply cabinet and dug out our extra meter while I made the girls some sandwiches for lunch.  We decided to humor ourselves and put our minds at ease at the same time.  Got the meter out poked her.....509. 

My stomach sank.  Tears welled up in my eyes. Then, as if grasping at straws I told him the code must be wrong or the meter was off.  I checked the code.  It was right.   We decided to check on Lovebug's meter since we knew that meter was right....492.  In that second, everything changed. I knew what we were looking at and my heart broke in two. 

It was off the the ER we went.  It was all so surreal sitting in the waiting room.  I remember looking at all the other kids that looked sick, on the outside.  My baby was sick on the inside. I couldn't believe it, we were here, again.  How did this happen?  Why?  

Princess laid in her bed and watched TV.  She wore the same gown with little tigers on it that Lovebug had worn when she was diagnosed.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I put it on her.  Princess never got a IV like Lovebug did but they had to do a blood draw.  Thankfully it wasn't too dramatic.

Then we just sat, and waited.  We knew what the doctor was going to say. It didn't make it any easier knowing.  I about lost it when he did finally come back and confirm it.  We would get to go home as soon as she got a shot of Lantus (long acting insulin) to tide us over until the morning when we could get in to see the endocrinologist.  So home we went.  Shocked.  Sad.  Mad. Dumbfounded.   I'm pretty sure I had every emotion known to man that day.  Words just can't describe what I was feeling.  (what I am still feeling)

And so we began our journey caring for two kiddo's with Type 1.

And the Winner is...

First I want to thank everyone for entering and Celebrating Lovebug's 2nd Diaversary with us!

I know you that you have been patiently waiting ALL day to find out who won the Tummietote Belt......

SO, I guess I won't keep you guessing anymore!

CONGRATULATIONS to:

Chasiti!!!  

 AjsMommy82 said...

Facebooked it!

April 3, 2011 11:11 AM

You have 48 hours to send me a message at sweet2thesoul.gmail.com with in the next 48 hours! Hope to hear from you soon!! 


Now go ahead and head over to Misty's Blog; to check out this weeks Sugar Bolus! 

  

One of our FAVORITE things...AND....A Super Sweet Sugar Bolus!

**THIS SUGAR BOLUS IS CLOSED**


Welcome to Sweet to the Soul's very FIRST 

Sugar Bolus!!! 

In honor of Lovebug on her 2nd Diaversary I thought I giveaway one of our favorite D-items.  

You see, a few months back we had a pump pouch malfunction. I had to order something and fast. I didn't have time to sew anything, and that hadn't really been working great since we got Dexie anyway.  They weren't pretty and I just was not happy with them.

At that point I HAD to order something and fast.  I had looked at a couple different pouches that I had been drawn to before.  One of them was the Tummietote Belts by Tallygear.  They looked like they would hold up well to Lovebug's ruff and tumble ways. Believe me she is one very active child!  (If she doesn't play sports, I will be SHOCKED!) I also LOVED the fact you could get a clear vinyl window on one of the pockets. So, we look a leap and ordered.

Let me tell you I have been nothing but impressed!! These belts are PERFECT for Lovebug. They stay put and don't bounce around.  I am in love with the fact that there are three pockets. Then, depending on what side of Lovebug's bottom her site is on, I can switch it up so her cord is hidden more easily. Her preschool teachers love the clear pouch so they aren't having to take Dexie out all the time. (that is also one of my favorite features.) I also love the fact that the belt actually fits her!  It's not too big or too small and I can adjust it when needed.

Some Pictures of Lovebug wearing her pouch.  

I love that you can hardly tell it is under her shirt.  

My favorite part of the belt (besides the three pockets) is the Velcro closure in the back.  I can not count how many times Lovebug has said to me that she loves this belt because it doesn't pinch her.  You do not even want to know how many times I had crocodile tears running down her sweet checks because I had pinched her with the other belts she wore.

The belt may have been made for putting your diabetes supplies in but you can use it for SO much more! You can use it to put your i-pod, cell phone cash and keys in when you are working out or going on a quick errand.  Tummietote has made me a very loyal customer! I know you will love them too!

So in honor of Lovebug we are giving away a Tummietote belt of your choice this week!!  

Here is what you need to do:

• Leave me a comment before Midnight on Thursday, April 7th. Please include your first name. Comments left without a name will be eliminated. 
• To earn extra entries (post a separate comment for each):
• Tweet about this giveaway on Twitter. (remember to leave an additional comment)
• Share a link to this contest on Facebook (again, remember to leave another comment)
• Blog about this contest. (then remember to leave a comment containing the link to the post)
• No duplicate comments are allowed.  Duplicate comments will be eliminated. 
• The winner will be selected via random draw at http://www.random.org/
• The winners' name will be posted here on the blog Friday, April 8th. 
• After the winner is posted , the winner will have 48 hours to send me a message at  sweet2thesoul@gmail.com. If I do not hear from the winner within 48 hours, a new winner will be selected.  

 Good Luck!!!  

Remembering

I remember this day 2 years ago like it was yesterday. Everything is still so fresh in my mind.  Sometimes I wish it wasn't but I want to remember everything. I want to be able tell her someday, if she wants to know. (I still shoot myself for not taking any pictures of Lovebug when she was in the hospital.  I don't know if she will remember it or not. Probably not though, Lovebug had just turned 3.

Her birthday  was delayed that year due to me being sick. I had come down with the flu and just did not have the energy to get stuff around, so we moved it back another week.  It was the first time we had thrown her a Birthday party.  Since Lovebug has a March birthday and we have a small house it's hard to hold parties inside.  We decided to go for it anyway that year.  It was a wonderful party filled with lots of memories.
She was just starting to get into Fancy Nancy and we had a Fancy Nancy theme. At the time you could barely find anything Fancy Nancy because the books hadn't been out very long

Those memories that are so hard for me now.  I see her pictures and think, that was before.  Even though there are a few things about that day....her dress my sister had gotten her actually fit.  She was in a 4t at the time and my sister got a 3t.  I thought maybe the sizes ran big.  That was not the case at all.  She was loosing weight and I didn't even see it.  How could I though, I had now idea.

It was a week later that the symptoms started showing up.  The ones I didn't recognize because I didn't know. The wetting of the bed.  Drinking ALL the time.  Moodiness, MORE then normal for her. Her appetite started to decrease. She started having blue lips.  I thought she was just cold all the time.  Sheesh. I wish I would have known.

It's hard for me too look at her pictures from before.  It's bittersweet.  I enjoyed the 3 years of her life that were diabetes free, and miss them.  I miss just being able to run out the door and not have to have her diabetes bag with us. Gone are the days of letting just anyone take care of her.  How I would love to not have to measure and weigh food every time she wants to eat. To her, this will be normal, forever.  I am sad she will never know any different.  Yet, at peace because I know that God is in control of her life and He know's what He is doing, even though I may not understand.

I thought 2 years into this it would be easier.  I thought I would have it all figured out by now.....little did I know.  You don't ever have diabetes figured out.  It's a day to day thing.  Every day is different, yet sometimes you might get lucky enough to have a few good days in a row. Those good days can carry you though the bad days or they can make those bad days harder and more frustrating.  It just depends.  It really just depends.

Yes, diabetes is becoming more "normal" around here but there are still times, in the busyness of life that I will forget to check her blood sugar before we eat.  Just yesterday I forgot to bolus her for lunch.  How in the world I forget to do that after 2 years is beyond me. (oh yeah, I know why...insomnia will do that do you!)  It should be second nature to my by now, but sometimes it's just not. Maybe it's because I don't want it to be.  Yet I do.  I want everything to run smoothly and not have it feel like such a burden to have to stop and check her blood sugar when needed.

After 2 years I believe the reality is really starting to set in. Lovebug is much more aware now. Not of her highs and lows so much (although she is getting better with that) as the fact that she is different from her sisters, friends and other kids her age.  She is also starting to be interested in her care.  Which for me is bittersweet.  I am so proud of her yet at the same time I really wish she could just be a normal kid and not have to worry about diabetes. (I know all of us D Mamas have that same wish) I have always said I would let her take the lead in her care and she wouldn't do anything until she was ready to do it.  So as she is ready and asks, I will show her and teach her. Lucky me, she has just become MUCH more interested in her care and doing stuff by herself.

So here is to another year of living with diabetes, all the good the bad and everything in between.