The way things were

This afternoon as I was watching TV, Lovebug came up to me, climbed up onto my lap and fell sleep. She hasn't done that in quite a while. It was something she did quite often as a baby.  She liked to do it to my hubby too.  Hence how she got the nickname Lovebug. So, when she climbed up today I couldn't help but soak every single second of it up. It brought back all those memories from when she was a baby and toddler.  Sometimes I miss those days. Although with diabetes "scaring" my memories now I really wouldn't want to relive them. Just miss them.  Sentimentally anyway.

Lovebug all cuddled up with daddy

Princess is very similar to Lovebug that way. Princess loves to climb up onto you lap or snuggle with you on the couch but not for very long and not without LOTS of wiggles.   Now I am wondering when I won't get as much of her loving on me as she does now.

I remember Peanut (our healthy pancreas kiddo) before she went to school. I have always enjoyed watching her grow up and learn new things. However bittersweet it is.  But with Lovebug and Princess it feels different.  The older they get the closer they get managing their own diabetes.  While I know it really is a long way off yet, it's hard to watch.

Lovebug checks her blood sugar herself a lot now. (at home anyway) She is a little more involved in her care.  She has become much more vocal about it.  Especially about the fact that she has to wear a pump pouch all the time.  She gets frustrated when she is too high or too low ( I am afraid I might have rubbed off on her there just a bit)

Back around Christmas her pump broke and we had to go back to shots for 3 days until we could get the new pump. Normally it would have been here the next day but because of Christmas being on a weekend it took a couple extra days.  I will NEVER forget the look on her face and the excitement in her eyes when she realized that night that she didn't have to wear a pump shirt or pump pouch to bed.  Not only could you see how happy she was by the look in her eyes you could tell by the way she was jumping up and down giggling! It brought tears to my eyes and almost made me consider keeping her on shots for a while and taking a pump vacation.  (until I quickly thought of school and all the other people that would have to be taught how to give shots and decided that just wouldn't be a smart move)

Freedom.  I know what that is like but I'm not sure she even remembers life before D.  Her normal life.  But I remember it.  I remember the carefree way we could just go about our day.  I didn't have to take 10 thousand different scenarios in my head and then decide if what I want to do is either a good idea or not feasible because of blood sugar numbers.  I (vaguely) remember when I slept in more then 2 to 4 hour increments.

I remember when she could just go about her life and just be a kid!  How I miss those days.  I miss them even more with Princess.  I guess because her diagnosis still seems so fresh to me, even almost 10 months into this.  They are just slipping further and further away.  And while I don't want to relive them I am afraid the some of the memories will fade.  Masked by diabetes and all that it entails.  I am afraid when I look back, I won't remember their lives before diabetes any more then they do.

Funny how I wish things were different, yet at the same time I wouldn't change a thing. I guess it is just me trying to live in the moment and be more accepting of what has been handed to me.  Yet I will hold on to and cherish those days, the way things were...

  

The Results are In!

Lovebug's Celiac test came back Negative!! 

I am both happy and relieved that we don't have to deal with this right now.  I'm not sure how I would have handled another T1 diagnosis and a Celiac Diagnosis with a year.  Not to mention there is just so much going on right now, I really didn't need one more thing on my plate to "worry" about. 

I have to admit, I was fully expecting the test to come back positive.  I honestly asked the nurse twice if she was reading it right. I guess after 4 months of waiting and wondering I just expected that we would go through all the issues, the blood tests and the biopsy and it would come back positive. (even though that was really the last thing I wanted.) I really had prepared my heart and mind for the nurse to say that the biopsy came back positive. 

 In all honesty, I am happy that it was negative but also a little annoyed. I just went through 4 months of not knowing, worrying and putting Lovebug through blood tests and a biopsy,. just to have it come back negative.   It almost doesn't seem worth all the stress it caused me and Lovebug.   

Her antibodies weren't elevated very high, just a little.  She had very few symptoms.  I know the doctor recommended the biopsy, to be sure. Looking back, I'm not so sure I would do it. We could have just done follow up blood tests every 3 months instead. The doctor said it was an option, but I thought and he recommended that we go through with the biopsy to be sure. Lovebug will have to get re-tested in 6 months and we "may" have to go through all this over again. But next time I will look at things a lot differently. I have an number in my head that if her antibodies aren't over that number, we aren't going to do another biopsy. (unless of course she is having symptoms) I just can't go through all this stress over and over again just to have it come back negative.  I don't want to put Lovebug through this over and over again. 

At least now the stress of the past 4 months can start loosing it's grip on me and I can concentrate on other things! 

In case you were wondering...

Lovebug's biopsy went well and we are still waiting for the results.  It's hard. Really hard.  Part of me wants the results now and the other part says, not so fast...she may have some more time to eat what she wants before having to go gluten free if the biopsy comes back positive.  

So, we sit here and wait.  I haven't blogged as much lately because this is all that is on my mind and I just can't seem to think about much else.  Seems that on top of that there are many other things going on but they are on the back burner (so to speak) until we have our answer about the Celiac's disease.  I promise I will share with all of you as soon as I know.  ps.  I so have some exciting blog posts coming up! :)