Sweet to the Soul

Time for a change

2012-02-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

More change isn't something I was really looking for right now. Seriously, we have had enough this past 10 months. But Lovebug has (in her own special way) convinced me that change is what she wants and so change is what she is going to get.

It all started back in October. We had been toying around with the idea and when Lovebug's Celiac panel came back positive we decided to put it on hold until we knew rather or not we were looking at a diagnosis.

At Christmas, things changed.

Her pump broke Christmas night. So, because of the Holiday we had to wait 3 days for a new pump. It was back to MDI it for a few days. I was a little terrified because I wasn't sure how she would react to having to have shots again, but like usual, she was a trooper about it. My biggest surprise was that night when she realized that she didn't have to wear a pump shirt or a pump pouch to bed. She was ECSTATIC that she didn't have to wear either to bed. I just can not explain in words how happy she was. I could see it in her eyes. So much so that it made me tear up. I never knew that she was concerned about her pump pouches. I asked her why she didn't like them and she said, " I like them Mom, I just don't like having to wear them all the time." Wow, what a way to break a mothers heart. She has always been such a trooper about everything when it came to her diabetes. I never knew she felt that way. Powerful words coming from a (almost) 6 year old.

All three days she was without her pump, she woke up to realize that she didn't have to put a pump pouch on that morning. She was so happy that I thought about keeping her on shots and not going back to the pump for a while. She was THAT happy. Realistically, I knew that wouldn't really be the best move, especially considering school!.

When her new pump came a few days later, she wasn't even excited about it. It made me very sad. I want her to be happy on the pump, not sad and wishing that she didn't have to have something attached to her waist 24/7.

It made my hubby and I think a bit, although we didn't have to think about it too long. You see, Lovebug found something in our diabetes supply cabinet that I had actually forgotten were there. Demo Omni Pods.

When she found them, she insisted on wearing one. Seriously, insisted. I asked her if she knew what it was, and her reply was, "Yes, mom. It's a pump!" So I explained to her how the pod works and she told me she would like to have one. A real one.

I was a little shocked. I thought that the "fun" of it would go away after a couple weeks, and it didn't. She kept asking me when she was going to get her real pod. Um, I don't know....soon? (in the meantime she was still wearing the demo pods, she didn't want to take them off!!) So my hubby and I had a serious talk at this point. We also talked with other friends whose kids use the pod and even had Lovebug watch some videos on YouTube of other kids with their pods. The video's made her even more excited. She is sold, so we are sold. We called the endo's office and started the process of switching.

Now, I have add that I personally LOVE the Ping that Lovebug uses now If it weren't for her prodding us along there would have been no switch. Why change a good thing, right? But this is what she wants and what will make her happy. If it makes diabetes just little easier or her, then I am for it!!

Her first shipment of pods came today and she was jumping up and down hugging me when she got home from school. We are just waiting on the PDM to get her, which should be here in a few days and a little training from our CDE and we will be good to go!

Lovebug is so excited and I have to admit that I am excited for her!!

The way things were

2012-01-26T21:12:00.000-05:00

This afternoon as I was watching TV, Lovebug came up to me, climbed up onto my lap and fell sleep. She hasn't done that in quite a while. It was something she did quite often as a baby. She liked to do it to my hubby too. Hence how she got the nickname Lovebug. So, when she climbed up today I couldn't help but soak every single second of it up. It brought back all those memories from when she was a baby and toddler. Sometimes I miss those days. Although with diabetes "scaring" my memories now I really wouldn't want to relive them. Just miss them. Sentimentally anyway.

Lovebug all cuddled up with daddy

Princess is very similar to Lovebug that way. Princess loves to climb up onto you lap or snuggle with you on the couch but not for very long and not without LOTS of wiggles. Now I am wondering when I won't get as much of her loving on me as she does now.

I remember Peanut (our healthy pancreas kiddo) before she went to school. I have always enjoyed watching her grow up and learn new things. However bittersweet it is. But with Lovebug and Princess it feels different. The older they get the closer they get managing their own diabetes. While I know it really is a long way off yet, it's hard to watch.

Lovebug checks her blood sugar herself a lot now. (at home anyway) She is a little more involved in her care. She has become much more vocal about it. Especially about the fact that she has to wear a pump pouch all the time. She gets frustrated when she is too high or too low ( I am afraid I might have rubbed off on her there just a bit)

Back around Christmas her pump broke and we had to go back to shots for 3 days until we could get the new pump. Normally it would have been here the next day but because of Christmas being on a weekend it took a couple extra days. I will NEVER forget the look on her face and the excitement in her eyes when she realized that night that she didn't have to wear a pump shirt or pump pouch to bed. Not only could you see how happy she was by the look in her eyes you could tell by the way she was jumping up and down giggling! It brought tears to my eyes and almost made me consider keeping her on shots for a while and taking a pump vacation. (until I quickly thought of school and all the other people that would have to be taught how to give shots and decided that just wouldn't be a smart move)

Freedom. I know what that is like but I'm not sure she even remembers life before D. Her normal life. But I remember it. I remember the carefree way we could just go about our day. I didn't have to take 10 thousand different scenarios in my head and then decide if what I want to do is either a good idea or not feasible because of blood sugar numbers. I (vaguely) remember when I slept in more then 2 to 4 hour increments.

I remember when she could just go about her life and just be a kid! How I miss those days. I miss them even more with Princess. I guess because her diagnosis still seems so fresh to me, even almost 10 months into this. They are just slipping further and further away. And while I don't want to relive them I am afraid the some of the memories will fade. Masked by diabetes and all that it entails. I am afraid when I look back, I won't remember their lives before diabetes any more then they do.

Funny how I wish things were different, yet at the same time I wouldn't change a thing. I guess it is just me trying to live in the moment and be more accepting of what has been handed to me. Yet I will hold on to and cherish those days, the way things were...

The Results are In!

2012-01-18T08:32:00.000-05:00

Lovebug's Celiac test came back Negative!!

I am both happy and relieved that we don't have to deal with this right now. I'm not sure how I would have handled another T1 diagnosis and a Celiac Diagnosis with a year. Not to mention there is just so much going on right now, I really didn't need one more thing on my plate to "worry" about.

I have to admit, I was fully expecting the test to come back positive. I honestly asked the nurse twice if she was reading it right. I guess after 4 months of waiting and wondering I just expected that we would go through all the issues, the blood tests and the biopsy and it would come back positive. (even though that was really the last thing I wanted.) I really had prepared my heart and mind for the nurse to say that the biopsy came back positive.

In all honesty, I am happy that it was negative but also a little annoyed. I just went through 4 months of not knowing, worrying and putting Lovebug through blood tests and a biopsy,. just to have it come back negative. It almost doesn't seem worth all the stress it caused me and Lovebug.

Her antibodies weren't elevated very high, just a little. She had very few symptoms. I know the doctor recommended the biopsy, to be sure. Looking back, I'm not so sure I would do it. We could have just done follow up blood tests every 3 months instead. The doctor said it was an option, but I thought and he recommended that we go through with the biopsy to be sure. Lovebug will have to get re-tested in 6 months and we "may" have to go through all this over again. But next time I will look at things a lot differently. I have an number in my head that if her antibodies aren't over that number, we aren't going to do another biopsy. (unless of course she is having symptoms) I just can't go through all this stress over and over again just to have it come back negative. I don't want to put Lovebug through this over and over again.

At least now the stress of the past 4 months can start loosing it's grip on me and I can concentrate on other things!

In case you were wondering...

2012-01-15T18:53:00.000-05:00

Lovebug's biopsy went well and we are still waiting for the results. It's hard. Really hard. Part of me wants the results now and the other part says, not so fast...she may have some more time to eat what she wants before having to go gluten free if the biopsy comes back positive.

So, we sit here and wait. I haven't blogged as much lately because this is all that is on my mind and I just can't seem to think about much else. Seems that on top of that there are many other things going on but they are on the back burner (so to speak) until we have our answer about the Celiac's disease. I promise I will share with all of you as soon as I know. ps. I so have some exciting blog posts coming up! :)

One Blurry Year Coming to an End!

2011-12-31T18:54:00.001-05:00

One word to sum up 2011. Blurry.

This past year pretty much seems like a big blur. It started out pretty good. I started my Thirty-One business and it has thrived and grown more then I could have imagined this past year.

We celebrated Lovebug's 5th birthday and her 2nd Diaversary.

Then, the unexpected happened. One of my worst nightmares came true when Princess was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in April. The SAME month that Lovebug was diagnosed. Just 10 days apart. I remember wondering if this was really happening or if I was dreaming. It was a little like being hit Mac truck a thousand times over. It was horrible. (that is the understatement of the year right there!) It took my breath away. It made me rethink EVERYTHING. It was literally all I could do to stay sane. I really thought that I was going to loose my mind.

My D-mama's were a huge help. Even texting me when we were at the hospital to check up on me. We were showered with meals,cards, gifts for the girls, and lots of well wishes. We received many hugs and lots of support from friends, family and our church.

The rest of the year is pretty much a blur. There were some really happy times in July when I got to meet up with my fellow D-Moms Misty and Hallie. I also got to meet another D-mom Erin, who also got me hooked on Thirty-One!

Of course, I should know by now that when ever things start going smoothly over here something is about to hit the fan. And it the fan it did.

In October we took Lovebug for her yearly diabetes blood draw and her Celiac Disease panel came back positive. NOT something I was expecting. It hit me totally out of the blue...kind like Princess's diagnosis. We don't have the "official" diagnosis yet but her biopsy is next week so these months of waiting will finally be over. I'm not sure how I will feel if it comes back positive. I have tried to prepare myself if it does, I don't think it will make it much easier if it does. Maybe having months to think about it made it worse? I don't know. All I know is what my gut is telling me, and I am hoping that my gut is wrong this one time.

Needless to say starting out 2012 with a biopsy and possible Celiac diagnosis isn't the way I would have imagined we would be ringing in the new year but maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.

No Cords Attached

2011-12-27T11:30:00.000-05:00

I guess that it was bound to happen sometime. The sounds and alarms that you DON'T want your kids insulin pump to make...meaning it's time for a new pump. Of all days for the her pump to "die", it died on a Holiday. A day our endo office is closed and a day when there is no shipping. Fun stuff I tell you! (sarcasm intended) Add to that the fact that Lovebug HATES shots and you have a perfect storm.

So two days on shots it is. It's going better then I thought it would. Lovebug is doing better with it then I thought she would. Miracle of miracles there! Only one problem. I think that she likes being "free" from her pump.

As Lovebug was getting ready for bed last night she realized that she didn't have to wear a pump shirt or a pump pouch to bed. She exclaimed with A LOT of excitement that she didn't have to wear either! She was downright giggly about it! You could see it in her eyes, the relief and the excitement. The freedom of being "normal". Of not being tied to a pump. It broke. my. heart.

Lovebug never complains about having a pump, never complains about the pump pouches or the pump shirts that she has to wear all the time. She always seems happy, content and easy going about it. But when I saw her get so excited about the freedom of it, I realized how much it does "bother" her. Talk about tearing this mama's heart in two.

I don't want her to have to wear a pump, but I know it's better for her. But even I have to admit that seeing her free from "the cord" was nice. Really nice. Almost made me wonder if we should go back to shots for a while, but I know she prefers the pump. Despite being attached to it all the time. It's times like this I wonder if we made the right choice of pumps for her. I wish that we could get an Omnipod and try it out...but it doesn't work that way. I can't get a "new" pump quite yet and don't have the money to pay for an upgrade only to find out she doesn't like it or it doesn't work for us. And it's not that we don't like the pump we have, we love it. So why change a good thing. Not to mention we have had enough change around here this past year!

It's so hard to see her have to deal with all this. I long for a day when she no longer has to be attached to an insulin pump or have to get numerous shots a day. Why oh why can't that day be sooner then later?

Putting on my Happy Face

2011-12-19T22:16:00.000-05:00

I was folding clothes tonight and the thought crossed my mind that I was folding some of these same clothes just 2 years ago, but for a the other d-kid. Not in a million years did I ever think I would be saying that....

It has been 8 very long months. Most of them pretty much a blur. I put on a happy face most of the time but inside it just hurts. Hard to tell someone when they walk to up to you and ask how you are doing that you are doing horrible and just want to go sit in the corner and cry. So, instead of weighing every person who asks me how I'm doing with that heavy burden of my reality, I just tell them things are going good. We are getting by.

Honestly that is just it. We are getting by. We aren't doing good, we aren't doing bad, we are just getting by. I am doing what I have to do and that is about it. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions of life but like I say, you do what you have to do, right? Even with Lovebug's blood sugar numbers ALL over the place and Princess's always hovering in the 200's. I struggle with burning myself out. Yet, I can't burnout. Their life depends on it.

Add to that the stress of my hubby moving from 1st to 2nd shift, going to the doctor to find out I just moved into the overweight category and the fact we are looking at yet another diagnosis. Yep, burnout....I am trying to avoid you. I don't know if you caught the part where I said "another diagnosis". Yes, you did read that correctly. Another diagnosis. No, not of Type 1 though. (thank GOD it's not that)

We go a call from the endo's office back in October that Lovebug's yearly blood work came back testing positive for Celiac's Disease. (for those of you who don't know what Celiac's Disease is HERE is a little synopsis) I suppose I wasn't totally surprised, but at the same time I was shocked. When I had taken her in the week before to get her blood drawn at the lab I just had this feeling that something was wasn't right I never would have thought my "intuition" would be right. It has always been a big fear that one of the girls would end up with Celiac's Disease. Not a fear I ever really thought I would be looking at. Then again I never thought we would deal with a second diagnosis of Type 1 either. I must be naive or something...

I didn't think it would be Celiac that came back positive. All I knew was something was off. Ironic thing is she has very few symptoms of Celiac. Up until a couple weeks ago the only symptoms were bloating, constipation, crazy low blood sugars (followed by rebound high blood sugars) and leg cramps. All those I would have normally contributed to other things, never would have linked them to Celiac. The past couple weeks Lovebug has been complaining of stomach aches a lot. Especially right after eating.

So here we are, waiting. I have never been so tired of waiting. Trying to keep the thoughts of this possible diagnosis (and all that comes with it) out of my mind so I can enjoy the Holiday's. Which I am enjoying, it's just always right there, like a little tap on my shoulder a thousand times a day forcing me to push it to the back of my mind over and over again. Hopefully we will have some answers soon as Lovebug will have a biopsy in a couple weeks to confirm rather or not if she actually has Celiac. (the biopsy of the small intestine is the only way to confirm Celiac.) It's only another month or so, I have waited this long....right?

Intuition

2011-11-30T09:06:00.000-05:00

The past month has been a bit of a long one. We have had numerous problems with Lovebug's blood sugar numbers. More lows then I care to be handling, followed my more high's. It's really hard to watch her go through that. She is exhausted when she gets home from school and usually falls asleep before dinner. I have tried and tried to get her numbers back in range, but to no avail.

We have changed basal rates, decreased and increased. We have raised and lowered carb ratio's. Given temp basal's and just plain not bolused for food at all. Lately, we have been using the Combo Bolus. We do a combo bolus if she 150 or below and if she is above 150 we just do a normal bolus.

Thankfully this seems to be working, so far anyway. Every time I think we have figured it out, it stops working. We think we know what MIGHT be causing the crazy numbers but won't have an answer for a while on that. Needless to say over Thanksgiving break we only had 2 lows the whole weekend. (rather then numerous ones in a day) I am starting be be a little optimistic that maybe we have turned a corner.

When I dropped Lovebug off at school on Monday it was pretty normal. Except that she came in a little late because she had a doctors appointment. We checked in at the office and talked with our wonderful secretary whom we will call Mrs R. Mrs R asked how Lovebug's numbers had been over the weekend and it was nice to say they had been pretty good. A little high but at least we weren't dealing with all the lows. After our brief conversation I walked her down to her classroom where all the kids saw her and came running to the door to greet Lovebug. (just warms my heart to see how excited they were to see her!) My thought that we would quietly sneak into class and not interrupt was foiled. Lovebug's teacher wasn't concerned and Lovebug walked over and gave her a big hug. I walked away with a full hear knowing my little girl is in great hands.

Around lunch time I got the email from Mrs R. Lovebug's blood sugar was 175. There a couple exclamation points at the end of "Was send to lunch!!" I could tell Mrs R was relieved Lovebug wasn't low, again. About an hour later I picked up my cell phone and realized I had a missed call. It was Mrs R. I forgot to turn my phone ringer back on after we had left the doctors office.

I listed to the voice mail and called her back. She told me she was happy Lovebug was 175 before lunch. She dosed her but said she just "had a feeling" and told Lovebug to come back after recess so she could re-test her. When Lovebug came back to get retested, she was 62 and double arrows down on Dexie!! Holy intuition!! I was SO thankful!

Now I know I have talked about Lovebug's school before but I just have to say it again. They are WONDERFUL. They continually go above and beyond and I am so grateful. You can tell that they genuinely care about Lovebug and her diabetes. I mean really, how many secretaries would tell a kid to come back and get tested later because THEY had a feeling about her blood sugar? I thought my hubby and I were they only ones who got those gut feelings! For those of you who don't have a child with Type 1 it takes a bit to get a "feeling" when they are low or when something is off. You really have to be "in tune" with them and know them well. That right there is just amazing to me. They have taken the time to really get to know Lovebug and watch for those signals. Then, just every once a while, follow a intuition.

Won't You Help?

2011-11-11T09:31:00.001-05:00

A while back my husband was trying to think of something we could do to help spread diabetes awareness and education. Specifically for those living in other countries less fortunate then ours. Talking about it made me think of my good friend Wendy who is very passionate about Life for a Child.

I had kinda put the idea to the side for a while. You know how life can get in the way. Well, Thursday night my hubby and I were listening to DSMA Live and heard Wendy talk about Life for a Child (among other things!). Neither my husband or I knew that Life for Child was tied to the Big Blue Test.

Knowing that I HAD to share this with all of you.

The Big Blue Test which is sponsored by the Diabetes Hands Foundation is donating money to Life for a Child just for doing the Big Blue Test! That means that YOU can help us help a child in need.

Did you know that in many developing countries, children with diabetes suffer because insulin and other diabetes supplies are not affordable or sometimes not even available?

Life for a Child works with diabetes centers to provide clinical care and diabetes education that the children in their care need to stay alive. The program works to provide: sufficient insulin and syringes, blood glucose monitoring facilities, clinical care, A1c testing, and diabetes education as well as a few other things. They aim to raise awareness of the plight of children with diabetes and encourages governments to establish appropriate care to safe guard the future of the children with diabetes.

Now YOUR part!

1. Participate in the Big Blue Test! - go to bigbluetest.org to find out how! It's SO easy! and EACH test = a life saving donation to Life for Child.

2. Go my good friend Wendy's blog Candy Hearts and Click on the Life for a Child tab at the top of the page. Find something you like and purchase for a yourself or someone you love. By purchasing from those businesses they will donate a portion of the sales of that product to Life for A Child.

3. You can also donate online directly to Life for a Child at www.lifeforachild.org or help by purchasing World Diabetes Day merchandise from www.worlddiabetesday.org

Normally I would say to do this for Lovebug and Princess but in this case do it for a child less fortunate so they can get the life saving insulin that they need to live. So no child has to die because they can't access insulin.

Bedtime Blues

2011-11-11T08:56:00.001-05:00

Last night we had a weak signal and Lost sensor error with Princess's CGM. It isn't uncommon for us to receive this alarm when it's time to change the sensor. It had been six days and I knew we needed to change it.

The thing was that Princess was just lying on the couch and didn't look good. My first thought went to diabetes. (of course) Is she low? Is she getting sick? Is her blood sugar really high? I got her meter out to check her blood sugar and she was 132. Not bad but with out the sensor I didn't know if she looked that way because her blood sugar was dropping fast or if she was just tired. She wasn't telling me anything either. That didn't make me feel any better that she wouldn't tell me.

I thought about trying to start the CGM back up and see if we could get another night from it so I didn't have to change it until the morning. I didn't want to but I tried, with no success. I decided that it would be better if I just put a new sensor in. Better to go just a couple hours without the CGM rather then the entire night, especially considering how she was acting.

While we were having "issues" with Princess's CGM Lovebug was low. Dexie was telling me she was 70 with arrow straight down. Normally I wouldn't worry about this, we would treat it and wait for it to go back up. Considering it was right before bed, I was a little worried. (and wondering if this was what the whole night was going to look like) Just about 15 minutes later when I was getting ready to check her again, Dexie beeped. Dexie was saying she was 58 with arrow straight down still. What in the world? We re-checked her and she was 102. She had gone up from the 70 she was before but Dexie just hadn't "caught" up yet. We calibrated Dexie and sent Lovebug up to bed, knowing we would be up to check on her in a few when Princess was ready for bed.

After we got the girls tucked into bed, I almost got teary eyed. I admit, I was worried. Worried sick for both of them. I had made my hubby check Lovebug a few more times then I normally would because of it too. Normally I am not so "paranoid" and don't worry quite so much, but my thoughts went back to what I had seen earlier that morning. Another parent living one of my worst nightmares. Another young life lost to Diabetes.

Daniella Meads-Barlow is her name. She had Type 1 Diabetes and passed away in her sleep the morning of November 8th. This is the reality of the disease my girls (heck, our whole family) live with. I put my girls to bed each night knowing that there is a chance they may not wake up in the morning.

Theses kids don't die because their parents neglected their diabetes or because they had "bad control". It is just Type 1. It's what it does. It is unpredictable. It changes from one moment to the next, from one day to the next. The JDRF just released a startling statistic. 1 in 20 (kids and adults) will die from low blood sugar. This is what happened to Daniella.

This makes me cry. It makes it hard for me to sleep at night. It makes me more determined then ever to fight for a cure and to spread awareness of this disease. But last night, it just made me want to hug my girls and hold them even closer.

Yes, you could.

2011-11-05T19:04:00.000-04:00

"I could NEVER do that!"

"I really don't know how you do it."

Those are phrases I commonly hear from people after learning that I have children with Type 1 Diabetes.

I said the same thing once. Before I had children with Type 1. Before Lovebug was diagnosed. Before Princess was diagnosed.

Truth is you could, if you had to. When your child's life is at stake, you will do anything for them. It is amazing how "strong" you become when you see your child face something like this. You become a "super hero" of sorts for them. You help the fight the battle against the "bad guys".

With this disease it isn't a fight that you can "win" and then move on to the next "battle". Cancer, however horrible, is a battle that is won or lost. Usually in a matter of months or a couple years. Yes, diabetes ultimately is either won or loss, but really it is a battle we wage every day. A moment by moment fight that can change in the blink of an eye. Believe me, I know. I have lived it.

For 5 days I saw Lovebug get sick and more sick. She looked horrible. I took her to the doctor and in an instant my world was turned upside down when the doctor said....you need to go to the hospital now. Lovebug has Type1 diabetes and needs to be admitted to the hospital right away. My knees buckled. I could barely walk myself out of the office. I knew it was bad, I just didn't realize how bad until we got to the hospital.

When our CDE sat us down and started telling me what we were going to have to do for Lovebug each and every day. I remember my head spinning. It still seems overwhelming when I think back. I really had no idea what I was really in for, what Lovebug was in for, what our whole family was in for.

Fast forward 2 years later. Over the past year I had met other moms who have children with Type 1 Diabetes. I hear their stories. Some of them have more then one child with Type 1. I thought the same thing. I could NEVER do that. I couldn't handle it.

Then one Sunday, after a night of tummy aches and just not feeling right, my hubby and I put two and two together. We didn't believe it at first but just a couple minutes later we knew. The meter counted down 5,4,3,2,1....509. That quickly our lives were turned upside down, yet again. We had another child with Type 1 diabetes. We were devastated. (still are) But you know what? What we thought was impossible, taking care of two children with Type 1 diabetes, isn't so impossible.

Is it easy? To be frank, HELL NO. It is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. Yet I do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 24/7, 365 days a year with absolutely NO BREAK. I live and breath this disease. It is all consuming. It isn't our life but it is a HUGE part of it.

What I used to think was impossible, really is possible. It is funny how in a moment of weakness you can become so strong.

Yes, you say that you couldn't do this. But you are wrong. If you had to, you could! I just pray that you never have to.

SMACK!

2011-11-04T18:01:00.000-04:00

You know, some days it just feels like Diabetes is smacking you in the face. Over and over again. Today I got a call from the secretary at Lovebug's school. She is the one, along with her teacher, that takes care of the majority of her diabetes care while she is there. And I have to add that they do a SPECTACULAR job!

Lovebug has been running high at nigh, again. No matter what I do her numbers are either too low or too high so I chose the lesser of two evils (in my opinion) and have been letting her stay a little on the high side. Needless to say she woke up at 194 this morning. That isn't horrible but not good either. Not when we were waking up with nice numbers like 109.

I bolused her for breakfast and "forgot" to do a combo bolus like we had been doing so she wouldn't go low after she eats (this has been an ongoing thing the past 6 weeks. She will go low and then never spike from her meal. Then 2 to 3 hours later she is in the 3 or 4 hundreds, once the insulin is all out of her system) So when the secretary called at lunch today, I almost wasn't surprised to hear she was 44. I didn't think she would be THAT low but with here there is no normal right now.

I, of course, over did it in correcting her. Normally I would give her 2 maybe 3 glucose tabs to get her back up BUT because she was at school I told the secretary to give her 4. Sure enough 15 minutes later she calls me back and says that Lovebug is 124 but she was acting a little lethargic so the teacher sent her back down to get checked. Arrow is still going down on Dexie. So I told her to still wait until after she eats to bolus her for lunch, just in case is perked up but then is going to go right back down. she did spike a bit and then came right back down. But here is a picture of Dexie. See what I mean! And this was actually a "good" day.

This is a daily struggle we have been having and I am really tired of it. I want Lovebug's numbers to be back to "normal" again. I hate that her Dexie at the end of the day looks more like mountain peaks and valleys then that nice rather straight line like it should be. I really hate what diabetes does to her little body. And to Princess's little body. Her numbers have been a little better but 8 months into this we are STILL fighting highs, A LOT.

The girls have their 3 month endo check up on Monday and I am DREADING it. I know just by looking at their numbers and averages on their meters that both girls A1C's will be up. It's so hard because I know that we can do better but I am just stuggling with keeping them were they should be.

I especially worry about Lovebug and the effects that this has on her school work. I know she is only in Kindergarten but I want her to be good for optimal learning. And for mine and the teachers sanity! When Lovebug has crazy blood sugar swings, you have to watch out! She gets rather moody. And lately she has been coming home at the end of the day and crashing. I really hate seeing her like that.

Needless to say diabetes has been "smacking" me in the face lately, and I am TIRED of it!!

This is my Life

2011-11-03T08:42:00.000-04:00

It's been almost 8 months since diabetes turned our world upside down, again. I used to think that the first six months following Lovebug's diagnosis were the hardest of my life but I was wrong. The past six months have been the hardest of my life.(make that 8 months) I have seriously been living in a fog. It's hard to explain unless you have been there, but I'll see if I can explain a little bit of my life to you.

Diabetes changed EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. We can't go anywhere without taking our bag of supplies with us. Without them it could be life or death. Nothing is easy for us now. I think about diabetes ALL THE TIME. I always wonder what the girls bg's are. If they are eating something, what are they eating and how many carbohydrates are in it. I wonder what is going to happen next. We can't just send the girls to church, school or even play dates without A LOT of preparation. The Holidays are right around the corner and they make my head spin.

I am always tired. I get up each and every night to check their blood sugar. I check them at 10:30 pm and 2:30 am. I am up more often if their blood sugars are too high or too low. Needless to say I haven't slept much the past couple years. Think of it as having a newborn that never grows up. Too high and the girls can wake up with ketones and vomiting. Too low and my girls can die. On top of that you have to worry every night when you put them to bed and hope they wake in the morning. Kinda takes your breath away.

My head spins when I think about everything I have to do to keep them healthy. I am a germ aphobe now, and for good reason. When it comes to illnesses with the girls, there isn't a small one. Any of them, even a cold can put them into the hospital. We are constantly counting carbs for everything that they put into their mouths. They can't just pick up a snack and eat it like most kids. I have to poke their finger first and then give them insulin to cover the carbs in whatever they are eating. It's the difference between them feeling good and feeling like crap.

Site changes every 3 days, provided a site doesn't fall out or go bad earlier then that. Think of it as getting poked with a large, long needle every 3 days. It's not pleasant. It doesn't matter what is going on, those sites must be changed. Then there is the smell of insulin on your hands afterwards. Believe me, insulin smells horrible! Oh yeah, and I almost forgot sensor changes every other site change and on every 7th day. Try keeping track of that! It's not easy.

We have to constantly worry about low blood sugars. Especially with Lovebug. The CGM's help a lot but they aren't perfect. Low blood sugars can lead to seizures and death pretty quickly. It is imperative that I am vigilant at all times about what the girls are doing and how they are acting. Everything effects their blood sugar; excitement, stress, growth spurts; virtually anything you can think of and it will effect their blood sugar. It can seriously be a headache everyday trying to figure out this "guessing game". That's exactly what it is, a guessing game, because Type 1 isn't the same from day to day. It's very unpredictable. It doesn't make sense to me and I can guarantee it's not going to make sense to you. Yet another reason I have to be constantly on my toes. (and quite often would like to pull my hair out!)

Speaking of activities, try explaining to you child that they can't go to a friends house because their mom isn't comfortable with your "condition" She is scared and doesn't want the responsibility. It's hard to tell my girls they can't just go to a play date at a friends house. Usually I suggest the friend come over here but that's not as much fun. Lovebug, especially, yearns to be more independent but I struggle with letting her sooner then she needs to be. She doesn't realize, yet, that she will have to live with Type 1 the rest of her life.

Then there is the toll it takes on the marriage. A lot of marriages suffer when there is a diagnosis in the family and some don't make it. Fortunately for us, diabetes has brought my husband and I closer together then I could have imagined. Let me tell you, it has not been easy. My hubby and I have non-existent date nights. They just do not happen. We get very little time together as it is and at the end of the day we are usually pretty exhausted. You know nights away like many of you with "normal" kids get. They don't happen either. Very few people are willing to take 2 children with diabetes and get up in the middle of the night and check their blood sugar. Those that I have that are willing, we always feel guilty asking.

I don't tell you this so you can feel sorry for us. I don't want that. But I do want you to know that having children with Type 1 Diabetes IS a BIG deal. It's not a walk in the park. They just don't get insulin and are better. (if only it were that simple). I just want you to care. Care to learn about the signs and symptoms. Care enough to help us bring awareness. Care enough to help us fight for a cure.

Awareness

2011-11-02T10:28:00.000-04:00

I often find myself wishing that Diabetes Awareness got as much attention as Breast Cancer did last month. We don't even get a third of the attention that Breast Cancer gets, yet diabetes kills more people. I wish that
wish that Diabetes could take more of a center stage like Breast Cancer has. Heck, we don't get football players to wear pink (well blue for us), we don't have blue ribbons on packages of food at the grocery store. We don't have very many celebrities that stand behind us. (we do have a couple and I am VERY thankful for them) We don't have the media behind us in this. We don't have credit card companies behind us. We don't have many people standing behind us at all and it's sad.

I feel like Type 1 Diabetes has to become an epidemic like Breast Cancer or Autism before we get noticed. Yes, Type 2 Diabetes is an epidemic and is noticed, a lot. That is part of the problem! The general public seems to think my girls are overweight and feed junk food. NOT the case AT ALL!! My girls are very healthy and growing girls. There is a lot of misconceptions between Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes. It's sad that people just can't take a small step and distinguish between the two diseases because they are two VERY different diseases.

And did you know that it is becoming an epidemic? There are 80 people diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes each day. Diabetes KILLS more people each year then Cancer and AIDS combined! I would say that is an epidemic, yet there is still no strong awareness campaign for Type 1 Diabetes. Many people don't know the difference between the two, yet they are very different diseases.

Type 1 is an autoimmune disease. Type 2 is metabolic. Type 1 diabetic have to have insulin to LIVE. Type 2 diabetics can typically control their diabetes with diet and exercise. (although, some Type 2 diabetics do need insulin.)

Not knowing the signs and symptoms of Type 1 diabetes can be deadly. Take this sweet girl Addison Parker. She was diagnosed on August 12, 2011. She fell into a diabetic coma that day and passed away just 6 short days later on August 18th. Type 1 is deadly and can come on suddenly, just like it did with Addison. Addison was just 4 years old.

For our girls the symptoms didn't come on so suddenly. Lovebug's gradually got worse for about 5 days before I took her to the doctor. Princess got bad over a couple days, we knew what to look for. We put 2 and 2 together pretty quickly and checked her blood sugar at home to confirm our suspicions. We could have easily lost either one of them. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

That leads me to today's Fact:
The Warning Signs of Type 1 Diabetes are:

Extreme thirst
Frequent urination
drowsiness or lethargy
Increased appetite
Sudden weight loss
Sudden vision changes
Sugar in urine
Fruity odor on the breath
Heavy or Labored breathing
Stupor or unconsciousness

So if anything, make sure you know the signs and symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes. It could save some you love.

Type 1 Day and Diabetes Awareness Month

2011-11-01T15:50:00.000-04:00

I have been off the blogger radar for too long! Life had kinda put a stop to having time to blog much in the month of October. Thankfully I am going to be making room to blog in November and share lots of information about Type 1 Diabetes, our life raising our two Type 1 kiddo's and much more! I am really looking forward to it!

Starting off the month of November is T1 Day. Today is a day to show support for your fellow T1's. The girls and I today wore purple in honor of T1 Day. (well, Princess and I wore purple. Lovebug insisted on wearing blue instead!) I know that isn't the "normal" blue you usually think of when you think of diabetes but purple was our JDRF walk team color this year. Just also happens to be Princess's favorite color!

Don't worry if you didn't show your support today because this month we have Blue Friday's! This is an initiative to bring awareness about diabetes and the people living with it. Of course you can also wear blue on World Diabetes Day on November 14th. We have t-shirts just for that day. :)

So every day this month in addition to my blog post I will be sharing a fact about Type 1 Diabetes. Having two children with Type 1 I run across A LOT of misconceptions.

Day 1 Fact: Type 1 Diabetes can happen to ANYONE. It is not necessarily hereditary. This mean is CAN happen to YOU or someone YOU or someone YOU love. ~ we had NO family history of Type 1 Diabetes.

See you tomorrow!

Open Honesty

2011-10-10T10:31:00.000-04:00

Six months ago today, my world came crashing down. Again. Only this time it was worse then the first time because I knew what was coming. I knew what to expect. I knew what my baby girl was in for.

I hit a wall that day and it hurt me more then I ever thought I could hurt. It is a hurt SO DEEP that sometimes it is unbearable to talk about. I think because it is SO hard for me to put into words what I am really feeling. How do you put a hurt that cuts you deep, deeper then you ever thought possible, into words? This isn't something that you get over. It's kinda like the longer I fight with diabetes, the harder it gets.

In the process of dealing with my grief I know I have pushed friends and family aside. I really didn't mean to. Maybe it's just that sometimes it's just easier to talk to my d-mamas who get it rather then around people who don't. I know it's not that you don't want to get it. It"s just that you can't unless you live it. You can sleep a full 8 hours straight. Your kids can go to a sleep over without you having to educate the kids parents. You can feed your kids without having to weigh and measure their food and consider 20 millions other things like how exercise and stress can factor in. (and those are just 2 things...if only you know the list in my head!) You can go on date nights because it's easy for you to find a sitter. You don't have to plan your day around a disease. You can come and go as you please.

I need my friends and family to know that just because I don't call you or contact you in someway doesn't mean I don't care. It's just that some days are harder then others. In this season of my life you may not hear from me for weeks or months if you don't pursue me. I'm not being mean when I say this but just honest.

Most days I am tired. I have been up at least 2 times during the night. My brain is quite often swelly from trying to keep track of everything and I just can't handle anything else. Some day's I just want to wrap myself up in my own little D world and stay safe, where every one else gets it. There are days I just don't feel like explaining how to take care of my girls. It's easier if I just do it myself. I want you to want to take care of the girls. I want you to offer to learn about their diabetes and how to care for them. But It's okay if you don't want to learn either, I understand. It's scary. Diabetes was forced upon me and I refuse to force it upon anyone else. I know it's hard for you to understand, but I would like you to.

I do have good days. Their just aren't as many as there used to be. Just please know that this is hard for me, as maybe is it hard for you to deal with me. I'm different now. Life has changed me and my outlook on life. I wish that I could go back to the happy, carefree woman that I used to be. Unfortunately, I can't go back.

There is no cure for Type 1, yet. For now I have to take the highs and the lows and make the most of it the best I know how. Despite everything, I need you to be there. Even if I may not act like it or say it out loud and only if you are willing to put up with the crazy new me! .

One of those days

2011-10-01T12:36:00.000-04:00

Since it has been almost a month since I last blogged, I thought I should let you all know I am still alive! :)
Just been super busy and trying to get into a routine now that school is back in session. And still getting used to having one of my d-kids in school!

Speaking of school, it is actually going pretty well. Lovebug loves it and I love the teachers and staff just as much. They have been amazing and I am so blessed to have her at such a wonderful school. I am reminded daily why I chose that school for her, despite there being no nurse on staff.

Just last week, we had a really bad day at school. Seriously of the worse all around days I have had in a while and too boot it was a Monday. Started out with the girls getting up late and me having to rush them around so they were ready in time. Then as we are walking out the door, I notice Lovebug playing with her site and ask her what she is doing. She informed me she was plugging her site back in because she forgot to plug it back in when she got dressed. WONDERFUL No breakfast bolus. I guess I will have to explain that to her teacher when I drop her off and hope that it doesn't ruin the whole day.

Two hours later I get a call from the school secretary that she in the 400's. Oh, joy. Give her a correction dose. I knew the high number was coming, just didn't think it would be quite THAT high. Then at lunch she is still still coming down, I had the secretary calibrate Dexie. Then when she was giving Lovebug her insulin the meter remote said it couldn't communicate with the pump. Great. She was standing right beside it, what is going on? SO had to talk the secretary though how to check the bolus history. I couldn't chance her not getting yet another bolus after what happened at breakfast. Good thing I had her check because she had gotten the entire bolus. Not sure why the meter remote was being funny.

The I got another call just 10 minutes later. It was the secretary again. Lovebug pulled her site out!! Yes, I do know this happens, and up until now has only happened at home but at school? And during lunch?? I started to tell her that I would be right up to school to put a new one in and the secretary told me her assistant was sure she could put a new site in. Really? Seriously? Well, Okay if you are comfortable I will walk you through it over the phone.

Sure enough she was completely comfortable and Lovebug even helped her out a bit. Come to find out the assistants mom has Type 1 and she had helped her mom change her sites before. How "cool" is that! I was relieved and amazed at the same time. That someone, a complete stranger to me, would be willing to change Lovebug's site. Did I mention how much we LOVE her school!! :)

I wasn't prepared

2011-09-19T16:17:00.000-04:00

This morning started out like most mornings. I got up at 5:30. Got myself around and my hubby got up at 6am. I got the girls up at 6:30. The girls fooled around, like they do most mornings and I was yelling at them to get ready because I was running a little behind and I didn't have time to help them out this morning. They actually did pretty good, except for the fighting. It happens with 3 girls around the house all trying to get ready in the morning.

We got breakfast and were finally on track. I was ready to get out the door to drop Lovebug off to school. I turned around and looked at her and she had her pants pulled down a bit messing with her site.(which is on her bottom) I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was hooking herself up because she forgot earlier. Great. That means she didn't get her breakfast insulin and is going to end up with a really HIGH blood sugar in about and hour and a half.

When I got to school I explained what happened to her teacher and told her she might have to send her down to the office to get bolused for her snack today. As I expected, I received a call around snack time and it was the Secretary. Lovebug was 420. I expected it and instructed her to give her a correction bolus and not bolus for the snack since she goes to recess right after. I asked her what Dexie was saying as far as arrows, I wanted to know what direction her blood sugar was trending. Of course Dexie was ??? Seriously Dexie? Right now? At school? I explained we get ??? on Dexie every once in a while and to just keep a close eye on her since it wasn't working.

I got another call from Lovebug's teacher about an hour later. She was up to 480. Okay, great. I really should have bolused her for her snack but there is that little thing called hind-site. Then an hour later it was lunch time. Got a call from the secretary that she was 319 but arrow was down on Dexie. I instructed her to just give insulin for the carbs and no correction since she was heading down already. Of course Dexie was 100+ points off so I had the secretary calibrate Dexie, but Dexie was greedy and wanted 2 bg's not just one. Then as she was actually bolusing Lovebug for lunch and the meter remote for the pump gave that nice warning. "Bolus cancelled, move devices closer together." So I had to talk the secretary through looking through the bolus history to see if she had actually received her bolus. She had received it, which is usually the case but had to make sure. I didn't want a repeat of breakfast!

Five minutes later the phone rings AGAIN. School name was on the caller id. I almost wanted to answer the phone with "What is wrong now??" I didn't though. The secretary said the lunch lady had sent Lovebug back down to the office. She her site was falling off. WONDERFUL. I was getting ready to tell them I would be right up to put a new one in when the secretary told me that the office assistant said if I could walk her through it on the phone she would be comfortable doing it. Really? I was pleasantly surprised but she explained to me that her mom has Type 1 and she had helped her with site changes before so she was okay doing it. She just said her moms looked a little different. I walked her through it on the phone and Lovebug even helped her out. It went really smoothly and I didn't receive any more phone calls the rest of the day.

To say the least I was just a nervous wreck all morning. I knew this could happen but all of this in the same day? Sheesh. I just wasn't ready for it. And on a Monday to boot. I seriously don't know how all you moms out there who have had your T1 kids in school for a while do it! I just wanted to run to school and bring her home for the rest of the day! Even though I knew that would not be good for her. Lovebug just loves going to school and I knew unless she was really sick she would not want to come home. I just wasn't prepared for the whole emotional part of it. Why does this make me so emotional? I just wanted to cry. Why is it so hard to send them to school? Even when I know that she is in really good hands.

I guess it's probably just my motherly instinct, right? I don't want to say that I worry when ever she is with someone else, but I do. I don't want to but I still do. It's hard. It's just plain hard. Hard to let someone else be there to comfort her and "fix" her up.

I know those of you with kiddo's in school understand what I am talking about. Rather you have a good situation at school or a not so great one. Despite all my worry and fears we are very blessed to have wonderful, caring staff at our school. I am just simply blown away by how much they have gone out of their way for her and how much they truly care for Lovebug. Words can not express my gratitude for the staff there. I just want to give them all big hugs and a HUGE thank you because if they only knew how hard it is to send her to school in the first place.

September 10

2011-09-13T19:45:00.000-04:00

Many years ago September 10th didn't mean much to me. Now it means a lot, in more way the one.

Ten years ago, on September 10th, I went to a county fair to hear Michael W. Smith in concert. (a Christian artist for those of you whom haven't heard of him) It was awesome praise and worship music. Perfect timing considering what would come to pass less then 12 hours later. That night and the next day are days that I will never forget. They will be etched in my mind forever.

Fast forward 8 years and September 10th meant something else. Something bittersweet. It is Lovebug's pump start day. It was in 2009 and just 5 short months after her diagnosis. The very next week we walked in our 1st JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes. Needless to say, September 2009 was a really hard month for me.

Fast forward again another couple years to this year and we have yet another "milestone". It was 5 months ago on the 10th the Princess was diagnosed. And here we are again, exactly one week away from walking in our 3rd JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes. But this year we aren't just walking for Lovebug. We are walking for Princess too.

Add to the fact that Lovebug started Kindergarten last week and all the emotions that go along with sending a child with diabetes to school and I guess you could say I am a bit of an emotional roller coaster. My moods swing all day long and its hard not just on me but on the whole family. I try to stuff it in and not show it in front of the kids (and sometimes my hubby) but it doesn't always work because when Diabetes isn't cooperating and I can get easily frustrated.

So I take these couple weeks day to day and try to come to grips with Princess diagnosis as well as everything else life throws at me. It's hard but we are surviving. I love the quote my good friend Hallie had on her blog a few days back.

"It never gets easier. You just get better."

That could not be more true when it comes to diabetes....I know it won't every get easier but I am ready to get better!

5 Question Friday

2011-09-09T10:22:00.000-04:00

I have really liked this idea that I first saw over at Lora's blog. I was occasionally posting it on Saturdays because I like to do D-Feast Friday. But after some thought, (and my lack of having time to cook lately) I have decided to swap them in and out. So you will get either 5 Question Fridays or D-Feast Fridays. I thought that will give you all a chance to know the other side of me, not just the Type 1 side of my life!

So here it goes!

1. What ringtone do you have on your cell phone? "The Entertainer". I just love that tune!

2. What is your favorite memory from this summer? I have a lot of favorite memories, but I think it would have to be going to Thirty-One's National Conference. I got to be away from diabetes and and just got to be me for 4 days! Plus I did get to meet up with a couple of D Mama's Misty and Hallie, which was awesome!

3. Paper books or ebooks? Since I don't have an e-reader yet I am going to have to say paper, but when I get an e-reader I am sure I will change my mind!

4. If you could have one home upgrade what would it be and why? Oh, this one is EASY. My kitchen! My kitchen is very small and not functional at all. (did I mention that there is NO dishwasher, well my hands do the washing but no machine!) I would add on to my house putting about 4 to 6 feet on the back and make it a good size kitchen with better appliances, lots of storage space, make it uber organized and plenty of room for me to cook with the girls.

5. When was your first serious boyfriend? Not until high school. I kinda dated a guy before him and that didn't work out very well, considering we never went out on a real date. I dumped him for one of his friends (or maybe he dumped me, who knows. Honestly I could care less) That guy did treat me pretty good and we date for about 8 months. It got serious until I realized we were going down totally different paths in life. He wanted one and I wanted the other. Plus his dad told him he could do better. Needless to say that one ended bad. The good that came out of dating those two guys was I knew what I DIDN'T want in a guy and I knew the right one would come to me and I wouldn't have to go after him. I was right and I married my soul mate and best friend 2 years after high school and we have been married for 13 years. :)

The One about the transmitter, the charger and the baby monitor

2011-09-08T11:40:00.001-04:00

A couple weeks ago we started having issues with Princess's CGM. We had been having problems here and there but they came to an exasperating high two weeks ago.

One night it just quit working. We got "weak signal" and then "lost sensor". I would start it back up and again we would get "weak signal" then "lost sensor". I didn't think too much of it, shut it off and figured I would make it through one night without. No biggie.

Then it happened again the next night. Again, annoying but no big deal. I shut the sensor off all night and just turned it back on in the morning. Now it was starting to do the same thing during the day. We would get the "weak signal" alarm and then the "lost sensor". I called Medtronic to let them know what was going on and see if they had any solutions that I had not already tried. They thought it might be the transmitter (we have had issues with the transmitter before) and it was still under warranty so they sent a new one.

I was ecstatic when it came! I was ready to have the CGM fully working after 5 days of on and off signals. I charged the transmitter for 8 hours like they said, put a new sensor in Princess's arm and waited for the two hour warm up to get it going. Well, that never happened. It never even gave me a chance to enter a bg to start the sensor up. It went directly to "weak signal" and "lost sensor". I admit at this point I was starting to get angry. After 5 nights of not much sleep I was tired and it showed in my attitude. I really just wanted it to WORK!! I was frustrated and discouraged.

We have never had issues like this with Lovebug's Dexie and she has been using it for over a year. We had a couple bad sensors but NOTHING like this. I decided to wait another 24 hours and try it again. We did get signals on and off during the day, so that was helpful, I guess. In the mean time I did everything I could think of to get the CGM to work. We changed the tape that we were using to hold the transmitter on. I tried having her sleep with the pump out of her pump pouch so it was closer to the transmitter. I re-read the entire manual on inserting and using the CGM. I thought maybe something would catch my eye and I was just doing something wrong that I hadnt' been doing before. Honestly, we had had really good luck with the CGM up until now and I hadn't changed anything until the sensor started getting all these weak signals and lost sensors.

I ended up calling my fellow D-Mama, Misty and talked to her about the sensor and see if she had any ideas of why it wasn't working after getting a new transmitter. It looked like I was doing everything right. I was at a lost, until she started talking about the charger for the transmitter. What she was saying made sense. Maybe the transmitter wasn't getting charged enough and the charger was the faulty piece of equipment. I went with that and called Medtronic (again) to explain what was going on. Their customer service was great, as usual, and they had a new charger to us the next day.

So, we took the transmitter off Princess's arm and let it charge for another 8 hours after we received the new charger. I was confident this would work and we would have a working sensor again that night. I even put a new senor in just to make sure that is wasn't the sensor for some reason. I wanted to take every precaution I could to make sure it worked. I hooked her all up and waited for the warm up period to be done and NOTHING!!! Weak signal and lost sensor yet again. I was so frustrated. Seriously, I just wanted to sleep at night without worrying so much!! It had been over a week at this point. Again I shut the sensor off for the night and started it back up in the morning.

The next morning was worse, at first anyway. I started the sensor up and it immediately went to lost sensor. What the heck is going on??? I shut the sensor off, turned it back on and linked the sensor back up. This time it at least went to warm up period. We were on our way up north to my in-laws house for the day and I was NOT happy the CGM wasn't working. Much to my surprise, on the way up (in less then two hours) I got a "meter bg" signal. Holy smokes!! It actually wanted a start up bg!! Woo Hoo! The CGM worked perfectly all day! No weak signals and it was accurate.

We got home and put the girls to bed. Then guess what? That damn weak signal and lost sensor was back, AGAIN!!! At this point I was a livid and I don't get upset very easily but the darn thing had been working all day! What in the world was going on??

Once again I was on the phone to Medtronic's helpline and they were even at a lost. They ran over a long checklist of things and I had done all of them. The only thing they could say was that we weren't using the stomach area for her sensor like they suggest. (even though the sensor does work on other area's of the body, it's because all the clinical trial information was from use in the stomach) As a last resort they thought it might be the pump (or receiver) and decided to replace the pump with a new one but did tell me that was their last option. After that they had done everything they could do on their end. I understood. They had been great and I knew they were trying everything they could to get the CGM to work properly. Because I called on a Holiday weekend and the next day was Labor day I wouldn't receive the new pump until Tuesday. I was okay with that, but seriously just praying the new pump was going to fix the problem.

Monday night, like the crazy woman I am, tried yet again to get the CGM to work. It was still working on and off during the day and I was hopeful that maybe I would do some small thing different and we would get a working CGM. Yeah, no luck. Within 10 minutes of putting Princess to bed we had a lost sensor, again. (now here comes the good part!)

As I was sitting next to her bed, more discouraged then ever, I remembered something the customer service rep had said the night before. She had asked if we used a baby monitor in the house. I said yes, of course, so we could here the CGM alarm at night. She asked when we started using it and I said that we purchased a new on right before we got Princess's pump back in May. Apparently they can interfere with the signals, on occasion. I knew it wasn't the monitor since it the CGM had been working just fine up until now.

I got to thinking, as I was looking at the baby monitor. We have the most problems at night so maybe something upstairs was interfering with it. Or something one of the neighbors were using, just at night? Really a lot of things were running through my mind about what was interfering with it. Not that I was sure that was it, I did kinda think it was the pump.

Anyway, I decided to try changing the channel on the baby monitor just to see if by some crazy chance it would work. (sense they had said something about the baby monitor the night before) I linked the sensor again and waited up there to see if it would work. I wasn't very hopeful but after 5 minutes I got the "Meter BG" and checked her bg and entered the number. Then I waited. I waited to get the weak signal and lost sensor, It never happened!!!! The damn thing was WORKING!! I cautiously went down stairs and waited to hear the CGM alarm for the weak signal. 30 minutes passed. I checked it, still working. 1 hour passed and still working. 2 hours, still working. Are you kidding me?? I have gone (almost) two weeks at this point and after all this the solution was a easy as changing the channel on the baby monitor?! Oh my word!! I couldn't decide if I wanted to pull my hair out, beat my head against the wall for not thinking of it sooner or be excited about it! Could it really had been that simple? Oh yes, It was that simple.

The CGM worked great, all night, and her new pump came that next morning. I almost didn't switch them over and called Medtronic back to tell them that it wasn't the pump after all. After thinking about it all day I decided to just keep the new pump, just in case there was something wonky about it and that contributed to the problem. Might as well cover all of our bases!

Funny thing was, the same day we got the new pump and after I had discovered that it was the baby monitor interfering after all, my friend and fellow D Mama, Misty sent me a message wondering if it might be the baby monitor? I laughed out loud when I read that! I had to call her and tell her. I told her she must be psychic!

I am happy to say that the CGM as been working great for the past 3 days! Better be anyway now that we have a new transmitter, charger and pump! I have to add that through it all Medtronic's customer service was amazing and I was very impressed. They seriously went above and beyond to help me find a solution to the problem never questioning me or what I was doing or giving me a hard time about anything. They were wonderful and I am so grateful. It made the whole process just a little easier knowing they were honestly doing all they could.

Surviving School

2011-09-07T19:25:00.000-04:00

I have dreaded this day for the past couple of years. Lovebug's first day of school. I remember thinking when she was diagnosed that we would probably have her on a pump by then and off of shots. Realizing how much better control we could get with pumping, it happened just a little over 5 months after Lovebug was diagnosed.

School was only a finite idea in my mind at that point. Mostly because Lovebug's older sister, Peanut had just started Kindergarten. As time went by and I learned more about my T1 kiddo going to school, I started to dread it, not look forward to it as I did with Peanut.

I got a little taste of what it would be like to have a d-kid in school last year. We had to train the preschool teachers on a few things, but not everything because Lovebug was only at school for a couple hours. When I started working on our 504 plan for this year a few weeks ago and I got a little overwhelmed.

How much do you tell them? Everything? Do you scare the staff so they don't want to make a mistake? I decided to tell them what they needed to know and nothing more. Just enough to make them overwhelmed but not enough to "scare" them. I want them to be comfortable around Lovebug, not handle her with kids gloves.

I worked for hours and piecing together a 504 plan that worked for us. I found a lot of them on my fellow D Mamas blogs. It was a great resource. It helped give me a starting point. Without that starting point I am sure I would have been LOST. I felt lost anyway, even with all the help.

Then came all the instructions sheets on how to operate the pump, how to check blood sugar, how to operate Dexie and what to do in case of a high or low blood sugar. Then I had to come up with a schedule of when I wanted her blood sugar checked during the day. And with every day being a little different we basically have a different schedule everyday. I also had to decided at what blood sugar levels I wanted the school staff to notify me. It seriously makes my head spin just thinking about it all again.

Then all of this got me thinking back to when Peanut (our oldest and only non D-kid) started school. I sent her off with out a care. Yes, it was a little bittersweet because she was growing up but I really enjoyed watching her blossom and grow. I think watching her learn to read was one of my favorite things. While I am very grateful that Peanut does not have diabetes I am reminded how much I miss the other two NOT having Type 1. It reminds me of what life could have been like for Lovebug and Princess. That part weighs heavy on my heart strings.

Needless to say, I was a wreck sending Lovebug to school this morning. Would the staff actually follow everything in the 504? Would they do the right thing if she went low? I tried to keep shoving the what if's out of my head and just be happy for her. She was so excited!!

I went in and double checked with Mrs. L to make sure she was comfortable and ready. I went over her blood sugar check schedule and gave her the instructions for Dexie. (which I had forgotten about the week before! oops.) Lovebug was in her seat and waving good bye. She was ready to get on with her day and I was ready to cry. I have mention that I also LOVE the fact that Mrs L had laminated all of the instructions I had given her and they were hanging on a ring right by the door where Lovebug puts her diabetes bag. Mrs L is great!

I waited all morning for a phone call. I assumed I would get one around snack time. Nope, no phone call. Then I knew I would get one at lunch and sure enough, Mrs. R (our secretary) called so I could walk her through dosing her with the pump. I was almost shocked when she told me Lovebug's blood sugar was 190. I fully expected it to be higher! I was very relieved it wasn't though. Mrs. R only covered part of the carbs in Lovebug's lunch (since recess is right after lunch) and away Lovebug went to lunch.

Mrs. L called me later in the afternoon to let me know that Lovebug had gone low. (I thought to myself, great...the first day and we are already dealing with lows) Needless to say we figured out she hadn't eaten all of her lunch! She has a lunch pail with two sections in it and I put her cucumbers and peaches in the bottom section. I didn't have the peaches covered for lunch because they were supposed to be her "exercise snack" for recess. That backfired since it was apparent Lovebug forgot they were in there! I think we might have to get a lunch pail with only one pocket.

Mrs L. told me she gave her two Starburst and then a granola bar, just like I had instructed her to do. It was perfect. She said Dexie said 74 and arrow up. I reminded her Dexie can lag behind and that the arrow up was the most important thing at this point. I was so impressed they followed my instructions to the tee! It was wonderful!!

Lovebug's first day of school went off with out much of a hitch. I was disappointed she missed Music because of the low bg but that wasn't her fault. Stupid diabetes. At least now I won't be so nervous when she goes back to school on Friday!

D-Feast Friday - Citrus Cheesecake

2011-08-19T06:20:00.001-04:00

Citrus Cheesecake

INGREDIENTS
nonfat cooking spray
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
2 T brown sugar
2 T butter or margarine, melted

Filling Ingredients:
1/2 cup of sugar
1/3 cup wheat flour
1 tsp vanilla extract
2- 8oz pkg of cream cheese
2 eggs
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup sour cream
1 T fresh lemon juice
1T. fresh line juice
1T. fresh orange juice
1 lemon peel, grated
3 egg whites
1/4 cup sugar

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 300 F.

2. Prepare the crust: Coat a 9-inch springform pan with cooking spray. In a medium bowl, mix crumbs, brown sugar and butter then firmly press mixture into bottom and 2 inches up the sides of the pan.

3. Prepare the filling: In a large sized mixing bowl, combine sugar and flour then add vanilla, cream cheese, and eggs. Beat until smooth. Add milk, sour cream, citrus juices and peels and beat until smooth.

4. In a separate mixing bowl, using clean and dry beaters, beat egg whites at room temperature at high speed until soft peaks form. Gradually add 1/4 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time and beat until stiff peaks form. Gently fold egg white mixture with cream cheese mixture.

5. Pour into prepared crust and bake at 300� F for 1 hour or until set. Remove from oven and let completely cool on a wire rack. Cover and chill for 4 hours or overnight.

6. Sprinkle with grated lemon, lime and orange zest before serving (optional.)

Serves 12.

appx 26 carbs per slice

Apidra, again.

2011-08-18T12:04:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I decided to give Apidra a try for Princess. We have had huge success with Lovebug using it and I thought maybe it would be easier to have them on the same insulin I know that sounds like a bit of an oxymoron because they are on different pumps so I am not confused. I am not a big fan of accidentally filling the wrong pump with the wrong insulin. Just don't need that headache. I have to make enough changes to basal and bolus amounts as it is! I really don't need to make MORE work for myself.

The first week, I was seriously ready to pull my hair out. Princess kept going low an hour after she would eat and she hadn't done that with Novolog. I raised I:C ratios, and kept raising them. To no avail, that was not working. So I lowered them back down and started using the Square Bolus and evening her bolus out over an 1.5 hours. That didn't seem to work at first. It just prolonged the low. But I kept with it for a few days and it started to work! A little victory, at last.

Then we started seeing higher numbers over all. I raised her basal rates and we are still raising them. Maybe I should say tweaking them. I think they are as high as they need to be, (i could be wrong though) I just really need to figure out how to balance the day out with what she needs.

Take for example, over night (for us that is 8pm to 8am right now) She typically goes to bed in range and then spikes up about 200 points with in and hour after she falls asleep. (dusk phenomenon) We still can't get that spike to go away. I did, for a while, but then she was waking up too low in the morning. So needless to say we are still working on that one. Plus we have this weird pattern that has been happening after breakfast.

I have been giving her a normal bolus and she will spike and come back down in range within 1.5 hours and then a half hour later is going straight back up again!! (double arrows up on Mini) And has been high at lunch. (around 200) I raised basal for the morning but it doesn't seem to be helping. Might need another basal tweak there too. All those tweaks just never end!

Now three, (almost 4) weeks in I am happy with Apidra for Princess and very hopeful we will be sticking with it!

Blessings

2011-08-17T07:45:00.002-04:00

Today I made the dreaded call to set up our 504 plan meeting. This is only the second time I have had to make the call so maybe that is why I say that I dread it. I really don't like being forceful with teachers and school staff when it comes to my kids, but I know I have to be when it comes to their diabetes. The girls lives are in the schools hands for the day and they need to know how to take care of her and what to do should (god forbid) the worst ever happen at school.

When I made the call I expected to hear the secretaries voice on the other end. I know she knows what she is doing since she had been helping with the other T1 at our school for the past 2 years. I knew she would know who we needed to have at our meeting besides herself and Lovebug's teacher.

Much to my surprise someone else answered the phone (actually I accidentally called the business office instead of the elementary office, oops!) I asked her (assuming she was filling in for our secretary) if she would know who I should talk to about setting up our diabetes plan meeting. She said that she could help me but that she was the other T1 kids mom from our school!!

So we chatted for a while and she told me a little about her kiddo and he uses and Animas Ping pump too, just like Lovebug! She gave me some great advice and shared with me how they handled things as far as who did the dosing and checking to make sure things were getting done correctly. She also said that he does go down to the office to check his blood sugars and for dosing. The secretary double checks what he is doing and then she emails her his blood sugar, correction dose if any and the amount of the bolus given. I know this is probably happens for a lot of you but I thought that was really cool!! My though was way to go the extra mile, especially at a private school. She keeps a mini-fridge in the office with his snacks and low fixes and told me that I could use it too. :)

Oh, boy did it do my heart good to talk to her today! She was so helpful and caring. It was refreshing to talk to another d-mom right at our school going through the same day to day struggles that we are going through. She told me to give her a call anytime I wanted to talk or needed advice. We have never met before yet this mom was offering to do what she could for me. How awesome is that!

She eventually did transfer me so I could talk to Lovebug's teacher, who by the way is also amazing! She was so encouraging and excited to meet Lovebug next week at our diabetes plan meeting. I have met her before, but don't know her all that well. As we were talking she mentioned she lives in the same subdivision as another d-family that goes to our church. She said she has heard how that d-mom has struggled and what her daughter has gone through. She really sympathized with me and it is refreshing to have someone whom I barely know encourage me and tell me that she will take good care of my little girl.

Needless to say I was just blown away. I had been having a few doubts about sending Lovebug to school at the private school (mostly because of cost) but God showed me once again that she is there for a reason and I am even more convinced of that now. This may not be the school she stays at all through elementary but for this year, she is right where she is supposed to be and I am confident of that now. The good Lord knew just when I needed a little confidence booster!!

Determined

2011-08-16T07:41:00.000-04:00

There have been a lot of blue candles lately. Too many, and it's making me sick. But it is also making me more determined then ever.

Determined to keep fighting for a cure. NO MATTER WHAT. Determined to raise money for that cure. Determined to raise funds for advancements in technology to make my girls life's a little easier. Determined that I will NEVER stop fighting all the miss-conceptions out there about Type 1. I will do everything in my power for my girls and all the other children and adults out there living with Type 1.

I dare anyone that questions why I do what I do, to live ONE DAY in my shoes. I dare you, just one day. Count the carbs, measure the food, poke your kids fingers (each) 8 -10 times a day. Constantly watch what your kids put in their mouth. Every single little bite. Even 10 little carbs can make a HUGE difference in blood sugar levels. Learn how to calculate a bolus and how to subtract insulin on board and determine if they need a correction dose, at least 3 times a day. Poke you kids with long needles for a site change. Then poke them with even longer needles to change their CGM sensor. Then watch at the tears stream down their face as they tell you they wish they didn't have diabetes anymore. Watch your kids suffer from low blood sugars acting lethargic, lost, unable to speak. Watch your kids deal with high blood sugars and ketones. Worry about whether you should make a change in their Insulin to Carb ratio or their basal rate and worry if you did it right. One wrong move either direction can have devastating consequences. Then worry every night when you put them to bed that there is a REAL chance they may not wake up in the morning. I dare you to get up twice a night and check their blood sugar, to make sure they aren't going to suffer from a severe low that kills them or a high blood sugar that puts them in the hospital ICU.

I am NOT exaggerating this, just talk to any d-mama out there. They will tell you. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't even go into what can happen in the long term. Like the fact that my girls are 2-4 times more likely to suffer from a heart attack or stroke and have it be deadly. One of the girls that passed away died from a stroke. She was only 14 years old. Now tell me not to worry and that I am exaggerating. Yes, I know every parent worries about their kid dying but I stare death in the face each and every day. Times two.

That is why I will never give up fighting and raising money for a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. No parent should have to deal with this. No child should have their childhood stolen from them because of it. We need a cure and we need it now.

My new friend!

2011-08-15T08:06:00.001-04:00

Just to prove that I have THE BEST hubby in the world I have to tell you about my new friend!

A couple weeks ago my hubby saw an ad on Craigslist. He showed it to me and asked me if I liked it. Of course I said; Yes, It's beautiful! I made sure he wasn't joking around with me, and he wasn't. I made a phone call and about 2 hours later she was in my arms!

My "just because gift" Daisy

Yep! That's my new baby, Daisy! She a 2 year old Persian. I LOVE her!! She has the best temperament, super cuddly, loves to be pet and is a PERFECT addition to our family! I really could not of asked for a better cat!

Of course I have wanted a cat for a while, and my hubby knew it. It was perfect timing. I had thrown the idea around of getting a kitten but then you have the cost of spay/neutering and de-clawing. Being the Daisy is already 2 years old that has all been taken care of. :)

And to add to my hubby's wonderfulness, he has been getting up and checking the girls in the middle of the night for the past 5 days! It was SO NICE to be able to sleep through the night! He was doing it, in part due to my broken toe. It is getting better, I can at least walk now.

Anyway. Enough bragging about my wonderful hubby! Until tomorrow! :)

D-Feast Friday - Banana Nut Granola

2011-08-12T08:12:00.001-04:00

Banana Nut Granola

INGREDIENTS
1 cup raw almonds
1 small ripe banana
1/2 cup brown rice syrup (or honey or maple syrup)
3 cups barley flakes
5 cups old-fashioned oats (or all oats)
1/2 cup ground flaxseed
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut (optional)
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350F.

Place the almonds in a food processor and process until finely ground, about two minutes. Add banana and syrup and process for a minute, until ingredients are smooth and pourable.

Place oats and barley in a large bowl, then pour on the banana mixture. Mix well.

Spread on a baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes, stirring every 10 minutes.

Makes 16 1/2 cup servings.

Total Carbs: 35.9g
Protein: 7.6g

It's a Special Day!!

2011-08-11T08:48:00.000-04:00

4 years ago today, I gave birth to one pretty special Princess.

and she has grown into quite a precious little girl.

She is full of smiles and can light up a room.

She has a spunky little attitude!

She is headstrong and stubborn like her mama and daddy.

She is one of the bravest and strongest little girls I know!

I am so glad that God has blessed us with her in our lives.

Love you, Princess!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! from Mama, Daddy, Peanut and Lovebug.

Holy Leaking Insulin Batman!

2011-08-11T08:12:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday night I went up stairs to check the girls, as I normally do before I go to bed. I walked in and check Princess first (as normal, I do them in a certain order so I don't forget to check one or the other!)

As I went to take her pump out of her pump pouch to check the CGM I noticed the pump was wet. My initial thought was, great, she leaked out of her pull-up already. (her blood sugar had been high at bedtime) Then when I went to smell to check if that's what it was. I did not smell pee-pee. It was insulin.

What the heck!? Maybe that was why her blood sugars had been high all day? But why hadnt' I noticed it during the rest of the day? So strange... I decided to go ahead and check Lovebug (after checking Princess) and then unhooked Princess's pump from her and took it downstairs to inspect it more.

I check the outside of the pump out, it didn't seem to be visibly leaking insulin from anywhere but it REEKED of insulin. I took the reservoir out to look and it and I noticed condensation on the reservoir. The inside of it where the piston pushes the reservoir up. Yep, that should NOT be there. I called the Medtronic helpline to see what they thought I should do. (besides the obvious, change the reservoir out) The guy I talked to was very helpful and concerned. He told me he would replace a few of our reservoirs and wanted to send us a new insulin pump. I told him it was working fine at this point. I didn't see any reason to replace it when it was working fine. He told me if the pump started acting funny in any way or we had another leaking reservoir to call back and they would send us a replacement pump. I agreed I would call back and was a bit relieved we didn't need to go back to shots for a while until we received a new pump. The man was very helpful and with it being my first experience with the Medtronic Helpline, I was more then impressed!

Everything was fine and dandy until the next night. Monday night her CGM keept alarming when the CGM screen clearly said that she was okay. At one point it said LOW PREDICTED and she had double arrows up on the CGM screen. I was up almost every hour that night clearing alarms and checking her blood sugar just to be on the safe side. I'm so glad she was sleeping BUT it was tough on me poking her over 10 times that night. By the time 6am rolled around I just disconnected the pump and took it downstairs. I was going crazy. I decided to check the reservoir again and sure enough, more leakage. Wonderful.

I decided at this point that I wanted a new pump. Something had to be wrong with it. Since they said to call back, I did. The lady I talked to that time was less then helpful. She just told me to change the reservoir out and call back if it happened again. Didn't offer a new pump or anything. I was NOT impressed with this lady AT all. I tried explaining to her that this HAD happened before but she was clearly not listening. I got off the phone and was very discouraged.

Later that morning I put a call into our Medtronic Rep. I explained to her what had happened over the past couple days and asked if I should be pushing for a new pump at this point or just wait and see. She told me that I needed a new pump. It is Medtronic's policy that if at anytime you are not confident that your pump is working properly, they will replace it. (within the warranty) She did not want me using that other one if insulin had possibly leaked into it. Even if it was delivering insulin fine at that point, if insulin leaked into it, it could stop working properly at any time. She was very concerned the second person I talked to at Medtronic gave me the "run around" as she put it.

My rep ended up calling Medtronic herself and I ended up on a 3 way call with someone from Medronic, myself and my rep. The lady from Medtronic was very apologetic and they had a new pump on it's way. They also replaced ALL of my reservoirs I had on hand. I'm pretty sure the lady apologized a dozen times but I was just happy someone was taking care of it. I was very impressed with Medtronic and with my rep. She saved the day!

The pump arrived by 10am the next day and all has been well with the new one. Kudos to Medtronic for following through and to my rep for going the extra mile. :)

Catching-Up

2011-08-09T11:08:00.001-04:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged in a week! To my defense last week was a bit of a crazy week for me.

I ended Napblopomo with a whimper as I missed a few days but life is life and it happens. We had an endo appointment. Princess pump had a "malfuntion" and we had to get a new pump. We got a new addition to our house. We celebrated diabetes by eating ice cream. We had a family reunion. We got the design all set for our JDRF Walk T-shirts. And last but not least, I broke my big toe.

This week isn't much better in the busyness department, but I promise to try to blog a bit more! :) Unfortunately diabetes doesn't go away just because you are busy and diabetes has been....let's just say NOT on it's best behavior. (and that is putting it nicely)

So, I guess I will start with our endo appointment last week. It went pretty good. Lovebug's A1C was up from 6.6 to 7.0 but that's not too bad. Although it was at 6.2 just 6 short months ago. I would personally like it a bit lower but as I said earlier, diabetes hasn't been on it's best behavior lately (then again when is it ever?! ) That and I did have another child diagnosed since Lovebug's last endo appointment so despite all that, I am just happy it didn't go up more!

It was nice to get a "pat on the back" from the endo and our CDE though. Love it when the endo looks at Lovebug's pump download and says that he can't see any way to make her numbers any better so no changes. That was nice!

We ended up taking the whole family because my hubby wanted to go to the appointment. That was interesting! Peanut (our non-d kid) had never been to an endo appointment so she got to see what her sisters go though at each appointment. Then Princess finally got to meet the doctor. Because he was full when she was diagnosed we haven't been able to get her in for her first official endo appointment yet. (it will just be 4 months this week) She has been in for her pump start and such but we had to see one of the other doctors so we could get started earlier. (her first actual endo appointment is the end of this month) She seems to like him just as much as Lovebug. He is pretty easy going guy that really knows his stuff. My hubby and I really like him.

While we were there we signed up for a research study that will tract the girls at least until they are 18. They collect information (from our endo visits) and track the girls "progress" as well as let us know of clinical trials or studies that come up that they could be eligible for. We are "excited" about it and what information they may be able to gleam from the girls.

We also talked to the endo about switching Princess from Novolog to Apidra. I was a little hesitant BUT it would be nice to have them on the same insulin. I have already almost put the wrong insulin in the wrong pump! (we do both girls site changes on the same day.) We did come up with a system of I change one girls site change and my hubby does the other girls site change. Anyway, we got a vial to try from the endo. So far, so good. But I have to admit that I need to go in a makes a few changes (we had to with Lovebug too). I haven't seen as big of a change in Princess numbers as I did with Lovebug's when we switched her over last summer. Another one of those things were you realize that EVERY kid is different and their bodies just work differently. So, we have had yet more change but Princess's numbers have been so high that I thought we needed to make some sort of change. (the other changes just weren't working they way they should) So hopefully we will start seeing some changes and drops in Princess's numbers!

If you come back tomorrow I will tell you about the new addition to our family! :)

D-Feast Friday - Salsa Turkey Burgers

2011-07-29T16:37:00.002-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 29

We LOVE Turkey burgers in our house. This is a nice way to mix it up for something new!

INGREDIENTS
1 lb ground turkey (99% fat free)
1/3 cup seasoned bread crumbs
4 tbsp chunky salsa (use medium or hot for extra kick)

DIRECTIONS
Combine all ingredients until well mixed.
Add salt and pepper to taste.
Divide into 4 patties.
Spray a frying pan with cooking spray and cook over medium heat until cooked thoroughly (about 10 minutes), flipping once about half-way through.

Number of Servings: 4
Carbs per burger: about 7

10 Random things...

2011-07-28T19:39:00.000-04:00

Nabopomo ~ Day28

10 Random things...

~I have lived without a dishwasher for the past 12 years. Yes, it is possible! (and yes, I REALLY wish I had one though!)

~As much as I like peace and quite I don't like being alone. My house is old and makes lots of creepy noises when it's quiet.

~I am a lover of all things dark chocolate! Yum-O!!

~I have never flown on an airplane. Well, okay when I was like 2 weeks old but I would hardly count that!

~The batteries in my camera often go missing and are found in the Wii remote....

~We eat breakfast for dinner almost once a week at my house and tonight was breakfast night. :)

~Peanut, my oldest, has started randomly doing the dishes for me, I wonder if I should make it a chore?

~My hubby tweeted me a couple weeks ago, and the tweet was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes. I love that he still does that after 13 years of marriage.

~I can not stand Sponge Bob Square Pants...drives me CRAZY!

~I LOVE McDonald's Chicken Nuggets...yes, I know they are no good for me! But when I get a craving for them I gotta have em!

DexCom and Guardian: Our Comparison

2011-07-27T20:11:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~Day 27

Yesterday I wrote about our experience with the Medtronic Revel and what we like and don't like about it. I thought today I would go ahead and talk about the two CGM's we have around our house; The DexCom and Medtronic Guardian.

Lovebug has been using the DexCom for a little over a year now. We love it. Honestly, I would be LOST with out it. I feel much more comfortable when Lovebug is wearing Dexie, which is 99% of the time! I don't like to have her not hooked up to it. It's like my security blanket, especially when she is at school or when someone is watching her. I don't worry about them having to recognize how she acts when she is low. Sometimes she doesn't act any different. I have tested her before when she is 36 and is acting completely normal. Then she has been 72 and having a complete meltdown. You just never know with Lovebug. Lovebug doesn't recognize her lows and the DexCom is a HUGE help with that. I am positive we have saved her from a trip to the hospital or worse because of her Dexie (our nickname for "her".) While we have had a few band sensors here and there our overall experience has been great.

Princess uses the Medtronic Guardian, compassionately known as Mini around our home. Mini is very reliable and we love her too. What we love most is the fact there is no separate unit to carry around like there is with the DexCom. The CGM is integrated into the pump and that makes things a lot easier. Especially with Princess who is very petite and skinny. One of the downsides to the DexCom is having to carry the receiver with you everywhere. So Lovebug always looks like she is a bit bulky under her clothing. Drives me crazy but at the same time I really couldn't live with out it. It's a bit of a sleep and worry saver around here.

On the bright side Animas has a pump out called the Vibe with a integrated CGM using DexCom's technology. But like everything else out there that is great and cutting edge technology in the world of diabetes care, it's not available in the states yet. It's only in Europe. Darn FDA. I can not wait to get my hands on that pump! I am hoping that it will be available in the states in the next couple years. Earlier would be better because then we could do an upgrade and try it for a while before Lovebug's pump warranty is up and we get to purchase another one.

To be honest, I prefer the DexCom over the Guardian. Not because one is superior to the other because in my opinion the both do a great job and are very accurate. The DexCom is so much simpler to use and the transmitter isn't as bulky as the Guardian's.

The DexCom insertion is easier. The insertion tool is a all in one combo and very easy to use, you never touch or get close to the insertion needle since it is enclosed. The Guardian is a little complicated at first, but you get used to it pretty quickly. I HATE having to pull out the insertion needle. It drives me crazy and still creeps me out just a bit. There are a lot more steps. Now to the Guardian's defense Medtronic has a smaller sensor out in Europe called the Enlite Sensor and according to my Medtronic rep there is one that is what I call an all in one package like the DexCom. Now I don't know if that is how the Enlite Sensor works or not but at least it is smaller and there is no need to wear a huge adhesive patch over it like we do now. It would be an added bonus if the insertion "tool" as I call it was all in one like the DexCom.

The other thing I like about the DexCom is that the sensor is approved for 7 days and the Guardian is only approved for 3 days of wear.(here in the states anyway) In Europe where they have the Enlite Sensor and in Canada and Europe where they can also get the Medtronic Veo, (another pump that I would love to get my hands on!) the sensor is approved for 6 days of wear.

When the DexCom receiver is out of range of the transmitter (meaning they aren't close enough to collect any data) it only takes up to 5 minutes to get a signal and a reading from the receiver. With the Guardian, if you get away from the sensor for too long (like when swimming) you get a Weak Signal and then eventually what they call a Lost Sensor. Rather then just getting the pump and sensor back in range of each other you have to tell the pump to locate the sensor again and then it takes about 10-15 minutes before it can find a signal and then you have to enter a BG. I really wish this feature was a little more user friendly. I have been told ours should only take 5 minutes yet is still doesn't work that way for us. I'm probably doing some small thing wrong and one of these days I will figure out what the small thing is!

Overall my experience with both of them has been great. Like I said before, my only reason for preferring the DexCom over the Guardian is the ease of use and smaller transmitter. With that said Medtronic does have those available, just not in the states. Really they are both excellent CGM's and I would recommend both of them. Just depends on which pump you are using and rather you prefer to have the CGM integrated or not and that, to me, is a very personal preference that you have to consider when you choose a pump. That is why my girls have two different pumps. It's not because I prefer one pump over the other. (or one company over another). It's because I did what was best for each kid when the decision had to be made about which pump to choose and I don't second guess myself for a minute.

We didn't know that a CGM would be so valuable to Lovebug or we may have gone another route. We loved the fact that Animas had the remote and (at the time) could deliver smaller doses then the Medtronic. Those were good fits for us (and Lovebug) and still are, despite the fact that she has to wear her pump and CGM receiver around her waist.

Just like I wouldn't change the fact that I knew I wanted to CGM for Princess right away and I also knew that her carrying around a separate receiver would just not work for her. Like I said before, she is just too petite and too skinny. So I did my research, I asked a lot of questions and made my choice for her and I wouldn't change a thing.

Our Revel

2011-07-26T17:53:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 26

When I sat down to blog for today, I had a post in mind that I was going to write then I realized that today is the 26th. The 26th was Princess pump start day. The 26th will be one of those dates that forever sticks with me, right along with the 1st, and the 10th. Want to know something crazy? Lovebug was diagnosed on April 1st and her Pump start was on September 10th. Then Princess was diagnosed on April 10th and had her pump start on May 26th. If I hadn't begged for a different date, Princess pump start would have been on June 1st. (that was the date that was originally scheduled.) Kinda crazy, huh? :)

Pump start day was two months ago now. Yikes, has it only been two months?? Goodness, it seems a lot longer then that. Pretty sure the days since Princess was diagnosed have dragged on...good thing it's summer and it's making summer feel longer!

I am getting used to Princess's pump and loving it. I'm not an expert on it yet, I know there are more tricks to learn, but I am getting the hang of it. The pump continues to amaze me. It's not because I don't like Lovebug's pump, it's that I am finding there are many features on the Revel that I just like better then on Lovebug's Ping. (that is also the joy of having the girls on two different pumps. I am getting to know both of them inside and out.

I love the Bolus button, it makes it SO much quicker to bolus and easier for friends and family to operate it since there aren't as many buttons to push. I think the resevoir set up is a easier too. I love that there are fewer steps to fill the resevoir, even though it took me a few try's to get used to it and in the process, squirted myself with insulin. (the smell of insulin is really not that pleasant) I like that the resevior has cap similar to a bottle of insulin. It makes it easier to draw insulin into the resevoir and to take it out with a syringe if needed. I also love that the pump saves the amount of insulin you use to fill the cannula. It's just one small step that makes the whole site change process go quicker.

Of course there is the Square Wave Bolus feature that I talked about here. (that I just LOVE) I also find that changing the battery out is a bit easier too. You don't have to do a complete rewind and prime with the Revel like you do with the Revel. Although when the battery goes on the Revel, it goes quick. With the Ping I know I usually have 6-8 hours before I have to change the battery.

We really do love our Revel. Of course there isn't the remote bolusing like there is with the Ping (which I really love) But I also I feel like I just traded the remote for the integrated CGM. Which for Princess is perfect. She is so small I couldn't see her carrying around her pump and CGM reciever. Way to much for my little pumping Princess.

There are a few things I don't like about the CGM but I will save a comparison of the DexCom and Guardian for another post. Don't want to do a information overload on you! :) Needless to say, we are very happy with our little Revel.

Struggling

2011-07-25T14:46:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 25

I was looking at the girls numbers the other day. Looking at averages over the past 30, 60 and 90 days. It was an eye opener to say the least. Well, maybe a heart attack would describe the feeling more appropriately.

I have always been really good at making little tweaks to Lovebug's numbers when I see trends and follow through. Honestly, I am a bit of a perfectionist about it, It is my kid's life I have in my hands here! How good I take care of her now may determine a lot of thing as she gets older. I want to give her every opportunity to live a long, happy life. For a while I had a system going and it worked. Now I find myself catching up looking at her numbers and thinking, I really should have made those changes weeks ago! The system I had in place just does not work when you have two children with Type 1. Mostly because I could remember all her blood sugar numbers in my head. Now with two of them, that has flown out the window.

I am really struggling to maintain both of the girls blood sugar numbers on a consistent basis. Trying to remember everything in my head worked with one Type 1 in the family. Not so much with two of them. I mix blood sugar numbers up in my head now and it's just now pretty.

After looking at both of their numbers the other night I about had a heart attack. Lovebug's numbers are horrible!! I don't think they have been like this since diagnosis! I'm slacking! I feel like I have let her down in some way, even though I know I am doing the best I can right now. I try not to let my emotions get in the way too much, but it's hard. Hard dealing with the emotional aspects of this disease and trying to do what you have to do on a daily basis to take care of their basic needs.

Most people tell me I am doing a wonderful job, but I am perfectionist here, I would like perfect thank you very much! Well, maybe not perfect but at a nice steady line. Right now bg numbers are going up and up and up and up.....

And yet here I sit, making tweaks here and there. But I'm not making the aggressive tweaks that I need to and Lovebug's averages are up as well as Princess's. In all honesty, it's kind embarrassing! I feel like I have been "lazy" in making changes and now the girls are paying for it. I find myself wanting to call my CDE and have her look at the girls numbers and make changes rather then having to think about it myself. It just seems overwhelming still.

Maybe that is why their numbers are up, I have been trying to do too much myself. Yet, I know how to do this and for the past two years I have been handling Lovebug's really well. I just can't seem to get a handle on the second one. I know it will come, but it's still a struggle. Someday's I wonder if I will ever stop struggling with it and come to terms with all this like I did with Lovebug. I have to someday, right?

5 Question Friday on Saturday

2011-07-23T08:57:00.003-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 23

1. If your husband had the BIG V and you got pregnant what would your first reaction be?
~pretty sure I would cry. It would take some getting used to the idea but I would still be happy. Always wanted more kids until Type 1 came along.

2. Best memory about this summer so far.
~spending the day with a couple of my D Mama's Hallie and Misty. That goes along with getting away from the house kid free for 4 days!!

3. How often do you change your sheets? Your kids sheets?
~I don't know if I really want to answer this question, it's rather embarrassing. I keep up with the laundry pretty good but I slack when it comes to sheets. Needless to say, I need a sheet schedule.

4. Having just gone through TSA, would you rather have a full body scan or a pat down?
~um full body scan please. I don't want someone's hands all over me! In all honesty though, I have never flown so maybe I would change my mind after having actually flown! :)

5. Since it is fair time...what's your favorite fair (county or state) memory?
~I have been to one but which one I can't remember, it was a looooong time ago. I just remember that I loved the rides that spun around and went up and down. I have no idea what the ride was called. I'm not much of a fair person anyway. Now that my kids are getting old enough to enjoy it I might have to take them to a couple though.

D-Feast Friday - Caribbean Chicken

2011-07-22T16:29:00.002-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 22

Caribbean Chicken
A quick meal for busy summer evenings!

INGREDIENTS

1 pound skinned and boned chicken breasts, cut into bite size pieces

2 cups pineapple tidbits, drained, reserve 1/4 cup pineapple juice

1 cup chopped green pepper

1 cup water

1 tablespoon cornstarch

2 tablespoons cider vinegar

2 tablespoons brown sugar

1/8 teaspoon dried garlic powder

1/8 teaspoon dried ginger

1 medium diced banana

1/4 cup slivered almonds

1 cup uncooked brown rice

DIRECTIONS
1. In a large sauce pan cook rice according to package directions.

2. In a large skillet sprayed with vegetable cooking spray, sauté chicken for 5 minutes until tender. Stir in pineapple and green pepper.

3. In a small bowl combine the 1/4 cup reserved pineapple juice, water, cornstarch, vinegar, brown sugar, garlic, and ginger. Stir well.

4. Pour mixture into chicken mixture. Mix well to combine. Continue cooking for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens, stirring often.

5. Fold in banana and almonds. Heat through.

6. Prepare brown rice according to package directions.

7. Serve over cooked brown rice.

Makes 6 servings (approx 4 oz chicken with 1/3 cup cooked rice)
Carbs per serving - about 34

Thankful Thursday

2011-07-21T20:47:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 21

After my "downer" post yesterday, I thought I would focus something a little more positive today. Despite life being pretty hard at the moment, I really do have quite a few things I am thankful for.

The one that comes to mind today is my hubby. Our whole marriage he has bee there, standing beside me when others wouldn't. He is the one that lets me cry on his should night after night. He is the one the encourages me and makes me smile, even on my worst days.

He is the one who is gentle and kind with the girls and calms me down when my patience in gone. (really I think we cancel each other out here because I tend to do the same thing for him) He is the one that works his rear end off to make life as good as he can for us. He is the one that tells me it's okay to go away for a few days, that I need it and deserve it. He encourages me to go and hang out with the girls, because he knows I need it and I always come back laughing. :)

He is the one that when I am feeling overwhelmed will do the dishes (I know that may sound like a small thing, but for me it's huge.) for me and has even offered to take over the grocery shopping (God bless his soul, but I'm afraid all we would eat would be eggs, brats, hamburgers and chicken on the grill.). He will even do the laundry and put the girls to bed. He is the one that after my longest days, will treat me to a glass of wine and a nice foot massage.

He is the one that I can complain to and he doesn't take offense. He is the one that no matter what I do or how much I screw things up, he loves me anyway. He is my rock. I don't know where I would be without him and his love for me and the girls. So today, he is what I am most thankful for.

Settling in?

2011-07-20T20:28:00.000-04:00

As my hubby and I were doing two site changes and two sensor changes with the girls tonight, the thought crossed my mind that this is becoming normal. Two of everything. Two bottles of insulin. Two infusion sites for pumps. Two pumps. Two resevoirs for the pumps. Two sets of IV Prep and Unisolve. Two of everything. I think that we are finally settling into a routine when it comes to blood sugar checks, site changes and sensor changes. The routine seems, well, routine. The rest of it, not so much.

It just shouldn't be this way. While we have a "routine" it still doesn't seem "real" to me. I think 3 months later it is still sinking in. In someways I wish it would just hurry up and hit me. On the other hand I treasure the days when I don't mope around the house all day (or feel like moping) It feels like I am in a "dream" (someday's) and I will wake up one day and realize that this isn't real. Lovebug was supposes to be the one with Type 1. Not Princess. Lovebug was the one I would have to worry about all the time. Not Princess. She wasn't supposed to be part of the equation. At ALL.

Don't worry, I'm not delusional. I really do know I'm not in a dream. Although sometimes I do wish it was a bad dream that I could wake up from and everything would go back to our "old" normal. Not this new normal of doing twice the work to get anything accomplished. Not twice the worrying and twice the amount of diabetes supplies in my closet. (Have I mentioned that the supplies have taken over my linen closet! My towels no long fit in there. I have to keep them on a shelf in the bathroom.) While I did always want twins, this is not what I had in mind...

I guess someday's are just harder then others. Today was one of those days. Everything seemed to pull on my heartstrings. Seeing two of them deal with Type 1 day and and day out, is hard. It's hard to see them wince when you put a site in. It's hard to see them struggle to sit still so you can get that sensor in. It's hard to see them cry when they pull a site out. Or when you realize the depth got changed on the lancet by accident and poked their little fingers deeper then it should have.

When you see your kiddo's struggle day in and day out it's just exhausting and today was an exhausting one for me.

Combo Bolus Squared

2011-07-19T19:37:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 19

When I first decided to go with two different pumps for the girls, I thought I might be taking on too much. Maybe I had lost my mind? Well, I am pretty sure I lost it a couple years ago when Lovebug was diagnosed but I was thinking pretty clearly when I choose to go a different route for Princess then I had for Lovebug.

So, when it came time to choose a pump for Princess, I was immediately drawn to the Medtronic Revel with the integrated CGM. I knew the CGM would befit her and if I could avoid her having to carry two devices around her waist like her sister, then I was going to go for it. Of course I had some reservations about Medtronic's Guardian. The size and the insertion are a lot different then the DexCom and I was a little uncomforable at first. I decided to call our endo and see if there was a trial like with the DexCom. Thankfully there was and after a few days, I was hooked. I knew we were going the right route with Princess and her pump.

Needless to say, there are A LOT of things that I LOVE about the Medtronic Revel. One of my favorite is what they call the Square Wave Bolus. At first I was a little "scared" to use it, but I was like that with the Combo Bolus on the Lovebug's Ping. Are you wondering what the heck a Square Wave Bolus is? Well here you go:

Square Wave Bolus: delivers a bolus evenly over a period of time (30 minutes up to 8 hours). This bolus can be used for insulin delivery when you have eaten a long meal with extended snacking (commonly called grazing!) It can also be useful for delayed food digestion or (my favorite) meals high in fat (hello Pizza!) A Square Wave bolus can be useful if a normal bolus drops your blood sugar too rapidly.

Can I hear a WOO HOO! I LOVE this bolus! It works GREAT with ice cream, pasta and pizza. (for Princess anyway) All the foods with fat or slow adsorbing carbs. It has worked SO well for Princess that I found myself wishing that Lovebug's pump had that feature.

Cue the "aha moment"! One day I was thinking about the Combo Bolus and how it works on the Ping. Remembering that you can give a certain percentage of insulin upfront and a certain percentage of the bolus of a period of time. Then it hit me...I bet I could do a Square Wave bolus using the Combo Bolus on the Ping. How, you ask? Well let me explain.

Remember that a Square Wave gives you your entire bolus over a set amount of time. It drags it out, so to speak. Well, I figured with the Combo Bolus if I gave 0% up front and 100% over a certain period of time, wouldn't that be the same as a Square Wave Bolus on the Medtronic? A couple weeks ago I got brave and tried it when we had pizza for dinner. And you know what? IT WORKED!!! Lovebug didn't have a delayed spike from the pizza!! She stayed nice and steady! I was super excited!! (yes, I have used it numerous times since then and It's still working!)

Another common problem we have with Lovebug is that she will be low before a meal, we will wait to bolus her until after she is done eating (yes, we typically bolus before meals, for both of the girls) and then a couple hours later we check her (or Dexie is beeping at us) and her blood sugar is HIGH. Then we do the big, "oops" I forgot, yet again! Ugh, I hate it when I forget and she suffers for it!!

So another conclusion I came to was, why not use a Squared Combo Bolus (as I call it) for Lovebug when she is low before a meal? (I am talking between 60 and 80 here) I can still bolus her (because she isn't getting any insulin up front) and then by the time her blood sugar is back up and her food is starting to kick in, the insulin is starting to trickle into her system. Hence no low blood sugar and no rebound spikes from the low either. And guess what? I tried it and IT WORKED!! It works wonderfully!

Needless to say, I am VERY happy! These two little "discoveries" were a God send to me. It has made managing Lovebug's crazy numbers a little easier. Anything to make this disease a little easier to handle makes for one (a little) happier mama!!

Breaks can be good!

2011-07-18T19:34:00.001-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 18

After 4 wonderful days at Thirty-One National Conference....I'm getting back in the groove of things. (well, for the most part.) It was SO nice to get away and I had TONS of fun! I have to admit that even while away sleep eluded me, so I can't say I came back rested up, BUT I was relaxed.

It was kinda strange, yet SO nice to wake up in the morning and just have to get myself ready. I didn't have to make breakfast, our hotel had a hot made to order breakfast. Simply heavenly. No carbs to count or fingers to poke. No alarms on insulin pumps to turn off. No sites to change. It was almost like a dream. I forgot how nice it is to NOT have to worry about all those things. I live in my little "bubble" where I've excepted that's just the way it is for us. Except when I get the rare chance to get away and not have to think about it. It seems weird, yet so nice.

I have some stories to share with you in some later posts! I didn't just go to conference, I had fun with some of my D Mama's too! :) It was wonderful to meet up with some of them.

While I was gone my super wonderful husband, graciously stayed at home with the girls for 4 days while doing carpooling for Worship Arts Camp at church and became great at multitasking while I was gone. (I'm sure this will not last with me around though...well, maybe! One can always hope right? ) He also decided to start up his own little blog. I know! Can you believe it!? A D Dad blogging? I think it's pretty cool!

I was so impressed with his first blog post, that I decided I really needed to give him a big shout out on my blog. In all seriousness, I would have given him a big shout out anyway! Love ya, babe! :)

So go over and check out my hubby's new blog at Bleedingfinger - Advocacy4Juvenile Diabetes It's really good. And I'm not just saying that because he's my hubby. Promise!

ABC MeMe

2011-07-17T07:52:00.008-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 17

I saw this on a couple other blogs and thought I would give it a try! Enjoy!

Age: 34 ~ yep, hubby reminded me of that the other day.

Bed Size: Queen, only because we can't fit a King size in our bedroom.

Chore you Dislike: Hands down...CLEANING THE BATHROOM!! YUCK!

Dogs: I had one named Fritz growing up. Mom and Dad got him when I was a baby and he was around until I was about 14 years old. We had a couple other dogs after that but they weren't my dog like Fritz was. We currently don't have a dog mostly because we just don't have time for one. Seriously, I don't need another kid around here! :)

Essential Start to your Day: I wish that I had one right now, every morning is so different with the girls around. I usually get up the same time my hubby does but lately he has been telling me to go back to sleep, which I need but I love getting up and making his lunch for him in the morning. Maybe that is my essential start to my day...loving on my hubby with acts of service.

Favorite Color: For my home, blue. Everything else pink and brown.

Gold or Silver: Silver. Except for my wedding ring. I would say I like to mix it up but right now I wear more silver then gold.

Height: 5'8"

Instruments you Play(ed): I played the French Horn 5th through 7th grade. I was in choir all 4 years in high school.

Job Title: Wife, Mom, Pancreas, and Thirty-One Consultant

Kids: Peanut, age 7 (will be 8 in September) Lovebug, age 5. Princess age 4.

Live: In the Great Lakes State. I am reminded every winter why I should have moved to Florida when I got married!

Mother's Name: Rebecca Ruth (yes, we have the same middle name)

Nicknames: I don't have a nickname, except the one my husband gave me which I can not repeat on my blog. Don't ask either because I won't tell you!!

Overnight Hospital Stays: When each of my kids was born and with Lovebug at diagnosis.

Pet Peeves: People who nag. Socks that are inside out in the wash, I really don't like putting my hands inside dirty socks to turn them right side out. People, whom when learning that I have children with Type 1 say, "That's the bad kind, right?"

Quote from a Movie: "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... " Milton from Office Space.

Righty or Lefty: Righty!! :P

Siblings: I am the oldest of 4. I have two younger sisters and a younger brother. (in that order)

Time you Wake Up: usually 5:30/6:00am

Underwear: no comment.... ;)

Vegetables you Don't Like: don't really have one I really don't like at all. I guess beets would be at the top if I had to pick one.

What Makes you Run Late: My hubby and my kids. Drives me CRAZY!! I hate being late. I've learned ways around it...can't divulge my secret here though since my hubby reads my blog.

X-rays you Have Had: Not sure I have ever had one...

Yummy Food you Make: this is a hard one to narrow down! Right now I would say; stuffed peppers, chicken chili, ninja burgers, pickles wraps, and chicken on the grill.

Zoo Animal Favorite: Panda Bears :)

5 Question Friday on Saturday

2011-07-16T23:38:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 16

So here are the answers to this weeks questions, because I know you are dying to know! :)

1. If you know your best friend's spouse was cheating on her or him, would you tell her (him)
~ YES!! Yes, it might cost us our friendship but at the same time if they found out I had been keeping it from them I would loose the friendship anyway.

2. Soda in a can or bottle?
~actually, my favorite is in a plastic cup from McDonald's and it's called fountain soda! BUT if I have to choose between can or bottle, I would say bottle because I can put the cap back on for less spillage. Can you tell I have little kids? :)

3. What do you wash first, hair or body?
~hair and then body. Don't know why, I have just always done it that way.

4. What advice would you give to any new mama?
~in all seriousness, when they say wait six weeks after.....WAIT!!

5. What is your best hangover remedy?
~seriously, I don't have one. I know this is hard to believe but I have never had a hangover and don't ever plan to. I HATE throwing up and feeling sick to my stomach, so why in the world would I want to drink so much I would still be feeling it the next day? No thank you!

D-Feast Friday - Strawberry Sandwich

2011-07-15T06:25:00.001-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 15

This is a great dessert that's delicious when strawberries are in season and it is oh so YUMMY!

INGREDIENTS
3 T cream cheese, low fat, softened
1 c strawberries, sliced
1 whole wheat pita bread
1 sprig fresh mint

DIRECTIONS
Cut pita bread in half. Gently open pocket. Combine cream cheese with 1/4 cup of the strawberries, mashing the berries as you mix. Spread half of mixture inside each half of the pita. Fill with remaining strawberries. Heat a cast iron pan or skillet to warm. Spray sandwich with nonstick spray and grill both sides until golden. Enjoy warm. Garnish with mint.

Number of Servings: 2
Carbs per serving: about 21

Swim Lessons - A Guest Post

2011-07-14T20:29:00.000-04:00

Giggle Giggle!

While Heather is away on her little trip, I high jacked her blog! But I'm not going to go crazy and run amok.... I'm just going to be nice and do a little guest post for her while she's away having fun! And I DO hope she's having a blast and getting in some relaxation!

Let me introduce myself... I'm Hallie. I blog over at The Princess and The Pump. My daughter, Sweetpea, is FIVE days younger than Lovebug. And Sweets and Lovebug were diagnosed just a few short weeks apart. The girls even have the very same purple unicorn that they BOTH named "Uni". I hope that they can meet each other someday very soon!

Today, I'm going to let you into my world and talk about something LOTS of kids do each summer - take swimming lessons! With diabetes along for the ride (swim?), it's always more complicated than you expect!

Sweetpea started swim lessons this week.

She has been waiting for lessons to start and eagerly anticipating all the fun she would have! But the night before her first lesson, it wasn't FUN that was on her mind.

"Are you going to tell them about me?" she asked.

"Tell them WHAT about you? Your name? I can tell them. But you could tell them too,"

Now, I know what she was asking but I didn't want to just assume and inadvertently make it a big deal.

"Nooooooooo! Are you going to tell them I have diabetes?" she asked in her 'you are so annoying' voice.

"Oh, that! Well, what do you think? Do you think that is something your teacher might need to know?"

"Yes. I do."

"Ok! I'll tell her. I think it's a good idea to tell her, too. Then if you feel low she will know what you're taking about. She can help keep you safe."

I felt conflicted.

I was glad that she understood that it's important to do what keeps you safe and that telling certain people about your diabetes is important.

But at the same time, it's hard for me to hear that it's something she thinks or worries about.

I just want her to be the same. SHE just wants to be the same.

But where is the line?

The line between being the same and being safe?

The thing is, she will never really be "just like" all the other kids. She will never be totally the "same".

It's the unspoken reality.

Things will always be just a little different.

And maybe that's the victory. That it's just a little different.

And that different is not all bad.

For example, I was one of two Moms who hung out during tennis and swim lessons.

It's ok with me. Sweets WANTS me there and I like watching her play. I especially like the "thumbs up" she occasionally gives me!

As it turns out, it's a darn good thing I was there.

I was told that her swim lessons would be a beginners class for 4-5 year olds. It was day one. Some of the kids had been to the previous sessions but I was told it was fine to only do session two.

Towards the end of the lesson, the kids went into the four foot section. Sweets can't touch there. There were no floating devices. She was told to tread water.

She was trying. I watched her little head go under and come up as she struggled for the side of the pool. It happened about 4 times.

I was on my feet. Ready to go. But she got to the side.

The two teachers were working with other kids and not watching the others.

I was concerned but I stayed put.

Then it happened again.

No one was watching. She was trying to follow directions and tread water but she kept going under. She was struggling.

I got up and went to the side of the pool and helped her out.

As soon as she saw me, she started to cry. She was scared.

So was I.

She was done.

So was I.

But, in that moment, I was also glad for diabetes. Because of diabetes, I was right there.

And oh boy, I was so glad that I was right there!

And that's how it is with D. We walk this tightrope. Do we tell or do we not? Do we stay or do we leave?

Every choice has consequences.

Some good and some bad.

But what I'm learning by living this life with diabetes is that there is good and bad to everything.

Diabetes - just like life- is not black and white. Not even close.

So it's my choice.

I can focus on the black.

I can focus on the white.

But if I look at it both ways, I see a rainbow!

Simple - A Guest Post

2011-07-13T06:12:00.001-04:00

I am THRILLED today to have my very FIRST guest blogger!

I am even more thrilled that it is one of my favorite bloggers!

Meri from Our Diabetic Life!

I love reading Meri's blog because I can relate to her so well. She is someone I look to for advice with raising more then one Type 1 kid. (by the way, Meri is raising 3 boys with Type 1!) When I read her blogs, I feel like she is quite often taking the words right out of my mouth and putting them on "paper in a way I could never do.

Enjoy her post today!

Simple.

Nothing seems simple anymore.

When I was a kid, things were simpler than they are now.

When I was a kid, running around town at the age of 6, buying Lemon Heads and Alexander the Grapes for 5 cents a pop was simple.

But now…simple has gone out the window.

My 7 year old can’t even go to the mailbox without me watching him.

Simple has made way to cautiousness…and when you have three children with diabetes…cautiousness rules.

At least I thought it did.

For years and years and years I have been cautious about everything. Where my children go, how my children go, why my children go…anywhere.

Sure, I sound overprotective…but I would have to say I’m more on Team Cautious, than Team Overprotective.

But what happens when one of your T1 boys turns into a teenager, and asks for things like, ((((GASP,)))) freedom???

There is nothing simple, or cautious about that.

Trusting your teen to take over and actually captain Team Cautious is a risky undertaking. It takes something called trust. Trust is hard to come by when you have spent the last 13 years second guessing every decision that you have made. Trusting your child is uber hard when you can’t even trust yourself.

Trusting your child is like saying, “I trust everything will be ok.”

How can I say that? How did I even write that?

What is a mother to do?

Well, I can tell you what I did…

I closed my eyes and jumped into the unknown.

I jumped and TRUSTED that I did all I could to prepare him for freedom.

I gave him every tool I had, and coupled with his tool, “intuition,” I had to let him fly.

And so he does. He is “flying” at scout camp as I write this.

One of the scout leaders came home early and called to tell me that my son is doing great. He had one little low, but sucked down some juice and was good to go.

It has been gone 4 days, he has 4 more to go…and I’m closing my eyes and TRUSTING him. And trusting that no matter what happens, all will be well.

After all, what good are guardian angels if we don’t lean on them once in awhile?

I miss simple.

But sometimes jumping and trusting can yield exhilarating results.

It can make my son feel “normal.” Scout camp for him, today, is simple.

And that is worth me taking a leap of faith.

Trust me. :)

It's a lunch date!

2011-07-12T14:37:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 12

So who would you like to meet for lunch?

Honestly, there are a lot of people I would like to meet for lunch!! But here are my top 5 ~ in no particular order! :)

~My good friend Brooke, whom I haven't seen a quite a few years. Talked to but not gotten to visit with.

~Cindy Monroe, founder and CEO of Thirty-One

~I would have liked to have had lunch with Betty Ford, the lady just fascinates me!

~Dr. Natalie Strand from the Amazing Race. She is an inspiration to me that my girls can and will be able to accomplish anything!

Last but certainly not least
~My D Mamas! You all know who you are! Tomorrow I will actually get to have lunch with 2 of my D Mamas! I'll tell you all about it when I return from my little trip!

Diving In

2011-07-11T16:18:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 12

Today's prompt asked us if we like to dive right into things or do we like to get acclimated first?

I am a diver. When it comes to learning something new or trying something new I tend to dive right in.
That's exactly what happened when Lovebug was diagnosed with Type 1. I dove right into learning everything I could to take care of her the best that I could.

For me that meant taking all the training classes as soon as we could get into them. The more I knew about her diabetes care the more confident I was taking care of her. We were literally at the endo' office every couple weeks that first summer.

While I was learning about MDI, I started researching pumps and insulin pump therapy. I quickly learned that would be SO much better for Lovebug and our family as a whole. While you can be flexible on MDI, it wasn't flexible enough for us. I still felt tied down to a meal and snack schedule because that was better on Lovebug's blood sugar numbers. If I took her off of that schedule it would reek havoc on her blood sugar numbers.

Needless to say I learned everything I could about insulin pumps and which one might be a good fit for Lovebug. I even took some of the online training "classes" just to get an idea of what I was doing before we even got the okay from our endo. Armed with all the information in my hands I asked the endo about it and he agreed and we could put her on a pump right away.

So, about about 5 months after Lovebug was diagnosed, I found I didn't have much more to learn. I mean I did but most of what I could learn had to come from actual experience or trial and error. You have to learn how each child's body reacts to everything from stress to exercise to swimming. It was then that the grieving process started for me and boy did the tears flow.

It has been two years since then and I am still grieving, just in a different stage then I was back then. Of course I started the process all over again when Princess was diagnosed. I think that was part of what made her diagnosis that much harder for me. I couldn't learn with her, I couldn't use that to cope. I had to immediately start with the grieving process and I just shut down for a few weeks. Really didn't talk to anyone I didn't have to talk to.

Yesterday was 3 months since Princess diagnosis. I can't say that I have totally let myself grieve over her diagnosis yet. Life seems to have gotten in the way of this one. I have had moments where I break down and feel like I just can't take it anymore. But the girls and my husband need me and grieving sometimes feels like a hindsight. I know that I need to let myself do it but sometimes, it's just hard to just slow down and think about it. I just do it because I have to. It is what it is and I can't change it. Maybe some part of me is just mad about it. I have always been one to push my feelings aside and try to ignore them. Maybe that's what I am doing now?

Five Question Friday, on Saturday.

2011-07-09T14:19:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 9

I ran across this a couple weeks ago when Lora over at My Diabetic Child did this. I really like it and thought I would give it a try. Only thing is I have D-Feast Fridays here SO I'm going to participate in Five Question Friday on Saturday! I know it's not "by the book" but I don't tend to do things "by the book" all the time!

So here it goes...

1. Do you think cursive writing is overrated? (schools in Indiana have not voted to take cursive writing out of their curriculum)
~um, NO. I think that there is still good use for handwriting. Especially cursive. For goodness sake, you at least need to be able to sign your own name! I am totally for kids learning better typing/keyboarding skills, they are going to need them BUT we also need to stick with the basic folks. It's got us this far!

2. Do you still use a pocket calendar or notepad or do you keep your info on your smart phone?
~I use both, actually. I use my planner for my Thirty-One business and then my person calendar goes on my smart phone. Although I am considering putting my Thirty-One appointments on my smartphone too so I have them in both places. Plus, I tend to have a photographic memory so if I write it down I tend to remember it better.

3. What 3 things would you save if you house was burning down? (family and pets are already safe)
~My wedding pictures because I haven't put them all on cd's or dvd's yet. (yes, I got married before the digital age was big! ) Each of my girls have a special blanket and special lovey, I would want to save those. Last but not least, my husbands Gordy Howe jersey that is signed. You can't replace that and being the HUGE Red Wings fans that we are....:)

4. Country Mouse or City Mouse, err Person?
~Oh, this one is easy, City Mouse. I grew up in the city and live in the city now. I love being close to everything and or being able to walk to places. I love having sidewalks and neighbors who are close by to help you out. Yes, there are drawbacks to living in the city but despite those, I love it. But there is a bit of Country Mouse in me. I love Country things (maybe more Old Fashion things) and I love getting away from city life once in a while. I would love to have a cabin up in Northern Michigan on a lake. (I'm not really the camping type either, a cabin is about as close as I like to get!)

5. If you could pick ANY reality show to go on, which would you pick? Oh, there are lots I would like to be on but I think What Not to Wear, so I could get a new wardrobe and a make over...much needed for this tired D Mama!

D-Feast Friday - Fruit Kebabs with Coconut Yogurt

2011-07-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 8

A favorite summer time treat ~ Enjoy!

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 c low-fat vanilla yogurt
1 1/2 T flaked coconut
1 1/2 T reduced-sugar orange marmalade
various fruits: melon, pineapple, apples, pears, blackberries, strawberries, kiwis, etc.
NOTE: If using pear or apple, toss the cut fruit with lemon juice to prevent browning!

DIRECTIONS
Combine the yogurt, coconut and marmalade; cover and chill.
Thread fruits alternately onto 20 (6-inch) wooden skewers.
Serve kebabs with coconut dip on the side.
For some extra flavor and crunch: Toast the coconut in the oven until golden brown. Allow coconut to cool, then add to yogurt mixture.

Serves 20: 1 skewer with 1 tablespoon of yogurt
1 skewer is about 9 carbs.

Just keep swimming

2011-07-06T16:02:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 6

Today's prompt got me thinking, about fish. The question was what kind of fish are you most like? I can't for the life of me think what kind of fish I would be. BUT one of my all time favorite fish is Dory from Finding Nemo. Now I'm not quite a ditzy as Dory but I love that she is so encouraging and funny. She makes Marlin laugh at ones of his lowest points. I wish that I was that good at making people smile or laugh when they are down! I try to be funny but it doesn't always work. :) This is one of my favorite clips and makes Princess laugh really hard!

As a full time pancreas, I have to remind my self of this every day. Just keep swimming. When life (or diabetes) gets me down I gotta just keep swimming. No matter what Type 1 decides to throw at me. Through all the highs, lows I just have to keep swimming.

I know I'm only human...

2011-07-05T21:11:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 5

Today started out pretty good! I slept until 9:15 this morning and the girls didn't wake up until 9:30. I had a blissfully lazy morning and still got plenty of house work done. (gotta looooove house work!) I even managed to organize a few things.

Then it went a little downhill from there. We have been fighting really high high's with Princess. They came out of no where 5 days ago. So today I finally decided to put a call into our Endo's office and see what they thought, if they had any suggestions.

While I was waiting for them to call me back, I remembered that it was time for a site change. I got the stuff out and got ready to make the change. Got the new site in and all hooked up. I took the old site out and guess what?! A frickin' kinked cannula!!! WTH?! Seriously, had I thought her high numbers (at least the past couple days) were from a bad site, I will have pulled it and changed it with out any hesitation! The thing Princess's numbers had been pretty good at night and she was waking up in range in the morning. (actually on the lower end of her range) So, I thought the site was working just fine.

Boy do I feel like an idiot! I can't believe it. Why didn't I just pull the site right away and change it anyway, even if I thought the site was working I should have changed it just to be on the safe side. Right? Stupid me, I didn't and now Princess has suffered for it the past couple days. *banging head on the table over and over again*

To add insult to injury my CDE is out for the week and another CDE called me back. She had the nerve to ask me if I was changing sites regularly. (um, REALLY?!) To begin with, this particular CDE is NOT my favorite. She doesn't seem to know much and treats us as though we don't know much. For goodness sake woman. I have TWO kids with type 1. ( I wanted to scream this over the phone.) Yes, there are occasions when a site may go 4 days because in the craziness around our house I forget. BUT I would never go longer then then that and I would NEVER purposefully leave a site in longer then it should be. I HATE it when doctors talk down to you like...."are you SURE you know what you are doing?" I am really glad that CDE couldn't see the look on my face when she asked me that. Needless to say that what was suggested by our doctor, I am going to ignore for a couple days until I make sure it was from the bad site and not the fact that we do need to make some changes.

I know I'm not perfect. I know there will be mistakes once in a while. I am only human. But when my little girl suffers for it, no matter how small of a mistake it is. It hurts.

Swimming Lessons

2011-07-03T07:54:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo ~ Day 3

Yesterday was the first really hot day we have had in a while here. So, we finally decided to get our little pool out for the girls and fill it up. This was the first time I had to watch both the girls and worry about 2 sets of blood sugar numbers. I think it went pretty well, overall. No lows, thank goodness but poor Princess. She just runs high, all the time. ( I feel like I say this all the time, but she does...)

We had to unhook her from her pump since her's is not water proof. It was hard to just let her bg run high all day. I was surprised it did considering she was running around pretty hard. We have a slide on our pool so they were in and out of the pool a lot.

I really need to find a way to make the whole experience a little less taxing for Princess. Asking her to come out of the water for 5 minutes every hour to bolus for her basal just isn't going to work. Not to mention tummy sites don"t bode well when you have a one piece suit on. I felt like I was undressing her every hour! I don't feel like we can skip the giving her her basal but not bolusing her basal isn't going to working either. Hence the 437 bg after just two hours of swimming. She pretty much ran high all night. I ended up giving her two correction doses before she came down and woke up at 100, which is low for her to wake up at. On the other hand Lovebug's numbers were good, around 180 despite not being hooked up to her pump most of the day. I don't bolus her basal since she tends to run low if I do that.

I did learn that the Revel's sensor is not as swimmer friendly as the DexCom. Princess sensor did stay on but I couldn't just take her Mini and go over by her for a few minutes and get a reading like I can with Dexie. I had to find lost sensor and wait 15 minutes. So, for us her sensor is pretty useless for a day at the beach or a pool day. For Princess this is okay. It would not work for Lovebug so well. Despite this, I am still in love with Mini. :)

Overall the day went pretty well. I am still a little nervous about taking them to the beach with all the sand and having to keep their pumps in a cooler all day but I'm sure it will be okay. I tend to worry about the little things like that a bit until we have actually done it. Taking two Type 1's to the beach sounds just plain taxing to me. We almost did a few days ago but we got rained out. I thought I was prepared but I also felt like I was going to take half of the kitchen with me. Do you feel this way when you take your Type 1 kids to the beach? Any good suggestions you got for me? Anything to help swimming all day and the beach a little less of a workout for Mom. I would LOVE to hear them and I'll post them in a follow up blog post.

Love ya all and hope you are having a wonderful 4th of July weekend!

Oh the things you will learn..

2011-07-02T16:14:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo - Day2

Oh the things you will learn when you have a child with Type 1 Diabetes. Things you never dreamed of knowing or wanting to know. It can kinda be like swimming. The more you practice the better you get at it. If you don't swim for a while you have to get back into the groove of things. But eventually it becomes second nature. That is how Type 1 is.

I have learned a lot in the 2 years since Lovebug was diagnosed. It took me 2 years to start to feel really comfortable with Type 1 and feeling like I could really handle all the ups and downs that this disease throws at you. Then of course, Princess was diagnosed and now I feel like I am starting from scratch all over again.

It's not because I don't know how to do this, it's because every child is different. Lovebug's body reacts so much different to certain situations then Princess does. EVERYTHING makes Lovebug's blood sugar drop; excitement, stress, parties, crowds, getting upset, crying; I could go on and on here. Then there is Princess, anything and everything makes her go high and keeps her there. I used to think the lows were much more frustrating then the highs, but I am started to second guess that! Staying high and not being able to get her back down into range is almost as frustrating!!

Carbs, carbs are a BIG one with the girls. Lovebug's blood sugar will SKYROCKET with just a few carbs. We don't do the typical 15/15 fix for lows with her. We do the um 8-10/20 fix. I can't give her 15 carbs, it will bump her blood sugar up 50 points or more if I do! The only time I can use juice is at night when she is sleeping and I that will even take her blood sugar high. I have learned to deal with it, it's just the way it is. But with Princess 15 carbs raises her blood sugar 15 points. She is pretty simple when it comes to that, but we haven't had to fix very many lows either. This could change, you just never know with Type 1.

Yes, and then there are the differences between the pumps. Which I am okay with because of how different the girls are. I find myself wishing that one pump had the other feature for the other kid. Oh would a square bolus work GREAT on Lovebug, but Lovebug only has a Combo Bolus on her pump (like a dual wave on the Revel) I have (though my tinkering) figured out how to pull off a square bolus on the Ping. (I'll save that for another blog post) Having experience with two different pumps is really expanding my knowledge. It's actually fascinating at times to see how the different pumps work and what each of them do. Now, really I wish that I didn't know anything about the Revel, but I do. It is what it is. It's one of those things that happens when you have two children with Type 1.

Needless to say, some of what I have learned from the past couple years is helpful but in a lot of ways it's not. Type 1 just doesn't play fair! I know life isn't fair, but seriously I really didn't need to throw Type 1 into the mix with it.

It's a swimming marathon!

2011-07-01T12:27:00.000-04:00

Nablopomo - Day 1

Yeah, did you see that? It says Nablopomo day 1. That means I will be blogging EVERY day for the month of July. Aren't you a lucky duck? :)

Since Princess's diagnosis I have been slaking in my blogging. For good reason, of course. Getting used to caring for 2 children with Type 1 diabetes isn't easy. Honesty, it sucks. I still don't really have the swing of things, but life does go on and blogging is therapeutic for me. I thought this might help me get back into the grove and I thought this months theme - Swim - was appropriate for me at this time. Especially considering I am barely keeping my head about the water around here! There are a lot of ways I can go with this topic and I am excited about it. I am also going to bring back my D-Feast Fridays and focus the food around summer time and the beach. Be sure to head over to my good friend Lora's blog @ My Diabetic Child and give her some love too, since she will be swimming right along side me in this month long marathon!

I wish that we were swimming today, but again it is raining here again. We had plans to go out to Lake Michigan today but those plans are down the drain. Maybe to a local beach later but more then likely just a cook out with good friends. I'll take it, just have to look on the bright side of things. Well, I try to anyway!

Lots of fun plans this weekend with the kids too. Kinda feels like a little stay-cation for us. Hopefully the weather will cooperate for the rest of the weekend. Maybe if I'm lucky Diabetes will cooperate too!

On another topic of water. A member of the DOC and a friend of mine was affected by the floods in Minot, ND. The community is devastated. They lost 6 schools to the flood. You can help though! They are doing a box tops drive to help rebuild their schools. If you can collect box tops from home, family, friends, and workplaces. They are also collecting Cambell's soup labels, Land O' Lakes Caps and Our Family product UPC's. This is a simple way to help and all it costs is postage. All you have to do is mail them in to the address below.

Erin Edgerly
15 Vista Dr
Minot, ND 58703

I appreciate all your help and I know the people of Minot will too!

Where are my Marbles??

2011-06-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

Um, I think I lost my marbles. Would you happen to know where they are? Yeah, I didn't think so.
They have been lost for the past couple months and I think they may be gone for good.

In all seriousness, I am pretty sure they are lost forever. I am just not myself lately. I try to be but it doesn't last for long. I feel like I do everything just to get it done. I don't care about much. Well, I do, it just depends on the day and what kind of mood I am in. I feel like I do what I have to to get by and that's it. I just don't have the energy to care.

Diabetes It's my life and most of the time, the only thing in my life. It controls what I do during the day, how I feel and what I think. It controls my sleeping at night and invades my dreams. It is in my mind 24/7. It just won't go away. All six of my senses are overloaded with diabetes. I am pretty sure that yes, I even have a "taste" for diabetes. ugh.

It has been this way since Princess was diagnosed. I am well aware that Diabetes is a 24/7 disease. It doesn't take a break and it doesn't play fair. I learned this very well the past 2 years since Lovebug was diagnosed. I could go with the ebbs and flows when Lovebug was diagnosed. So why does it bother me that much more now that we two children with diabetes? It's like it is stuck to me like super glue. It is just not budging. It's not letting me have a breather at all. Do you hear that diabetes?? I NEED a breather!!!

I have been there done this before when Lovebug was diagnosed. Only this time it's much harder. I feel like I am drowning. I need to have some time for myself. I need to have time to blog! I need to go on a date with my husband. I need to have time to clean the house and take care of my house. I need sleep at night. I need some peace. I need these things. Really, I do. I need them so I can be a good wife to my hubby and a good mother to my kids. They deserve it. Yet every time I try to get some time to myself or a date night with my husband or time out with my friends; it's like pulling teeth to make it happen. It makes me not even want to try. It makes me just want to give up.

Now don't get my wrong, my life isn't a total and utter mess, it just feels like it most of the time. I do have joyful times. Especially since I started selling Thirty-One. It has honestly been a godsend for me. I don't know how else I would EVER get out of the house. It has given me some of my dreams back and made me feel a little bit more like just a live in nurse and maid.

All I can say is that a little break every now and then would be nice....*sigh*

Summertime

2011-06-29T19:20:00.000-04:00

I't's been a couple weeks since I blogged. Summer busyness is here in all it's glory, right along with all the craziness the diabetes x2 brings to our life.

I have to admit that I haven't been in the best of moods lately. Down in the dumps would be a pretty good description. I am basically just doing what I need to to get by. I feel like the fog from Princess diagnosis is starting to clear a little bit, some days.

I have been tweaking basal rates for both girls lately, which is driving me crazy. I wish I could just work on one at a time but for some reason they need to be tweaked at the same time. They only way I can keep them straight is to download their pumps every couple days so I can look at everything on paper. And then pray that I remember what might have caused a particular high or low blood sugar. Sometimes I am pretty sure my brain was not meant to hold all this information!

We have had some hiccups with Princess pump. Mostly with the sensors for the CGM. They have been a little wonkey lately. (then again Dexie hasn't been on her best behavior either!) I think that we just got a bad box of them since the new box I opened has been better. But then last night it keep giving me the "Low Predicted" alarm when she wasn't low and no arrows going down. Kinda frustrating in the middle of the night! I seriously was up every hour last night between Lovebug's Dexie with ??? on her and Lovebug with a bg of 73 at 12am (an hour after I went to bed) It took her and hour and a half to get back up to 130 and I turned her basal off for a couple hours. It was a little crazy. I am already compiling my list of pro's and con's between the girl's different pumps. I am leaning towards liking one a bit better then the other, but I will save all of that for another post. :)

Then there is just getting used to summer "hours" I find some of my basal tweaks are just because the girls are going to bed later and getting up later so I have to push basal rates back by an hour or two. And to think I will have to change it all back come September! Gives the lazy days of summer a whole new meaning....

I promise I will try to be around more. I love blogging. It's therapeutic for me. I just need to force myself to find time to sit down and actually blog. Now a days my free time is a bit limited and I usually end up doing stuff that needs to be done rather then stuff for fun. Blogging really is much more fun then doing housework!

A Tough Conversation

2011-06-15T07:00:00.001-04:00

I never thought there would be a time that I would hate diabetes more then I did at this moment....

Lovebug was getting herself ready for bed. She had just put on her pump shirt and asked me for some help because she couldn't get her site hooked back in. I hooked it back in and then this conversation followed:

Lovebug: "Mommy, will I always have to wear a pump shirt to bed?"

Me: "No, you could always wear a pump pouch like Princess does."

Lovebug: "Maybe I will try a pouch again sometime. Will I always need my insulin pump though?"

Me: "Yeah, kiddo, you will. Unless when you grow up you want to go back to shots then that will be your decision because you will be a grown up."

Lovebug: "I'm STILL going to have diabetes when I grow up? It's not going to go away?" (I wish you could have hear the really sad voice she had when she said this.)

Me: (taking deep breath) "Yes, sweetheart, you will and no, it won't go away." (gulp, and try to hold back tears)

Lovebug: (with a very sad look on her face) "I'm going to have diabetes for the rest of my life, aren't I?"

Me: (taking another deep breath and reminding myself to breathe) "Yes, unless they find a cure kiddo."

Lovebug: "That stinks!" (she gives me one of her great big bear hugs and tears stream down my face)

I could not have felt more sick at that moment. To look my daughter in the eye and tell her that yes, you will have diabetes for the rest of your life.(unless we find a cure! and I did explain that to her) Only to have her look back and me, knowing she understood. That was one of the toughest moments of my LIFE.

Little Miss Independent

2011-06-14T07:27:00.000-04:00

Back before preschool was over, Lovebug decided that she didn't want me help her get dressed every morning. Every morning it was the same fight, I had to help her get dressed and she wanted to do it all by herself. Tears and yelling would ensue and I would win the "fight" but not after feeling pretty rotten that I had to help her out. The whole problem was the before D (this was 2 years ago) she was already getting herself dressed and then we had to go back to me helping her again. She didn't mind at first but now, she hates it. She wants to be more like her big sister and be able to get herself dress. Heck, I can't blame her. I would HATE having to rely on someone else to help get me dressed every morning!

What it all comes down to is the fact that she has to be able to unhook herself from her pump in order to get her pump shirt off in the morning and put it on before bed. She wears a pump shirt at night instead of a pump pouch like she does during the day. In order to put it on you have to unhook the pump from the site, run the tubing through the button hole in the shirt and hook the tubing back up to the site. I wanted to show her, but at the same time I didn't want to have to worry about her pulling her sites out all the time or hurting herself. (or dropping her pump, the list goes on....) This is another one of those things that just pulls at my heart strings. She should be able to get herself dressed in the morning, WITHOUT my help. (or anyone else's for that matter) I hate that diabetes has taken some of her independence away.

Needless to say she has been really pushing me lately to let her do things by herself, (not necessarily d-related things all the time) So I have been giving her more independence, where I can and as she is comfortable. The biggest one has definitely been getting herself dressed.

One morning she comes downstairs and is already dressed! (the girls don't typically get dressed until after breakfast) I was surprised, shocked and happy all at the same time. It brought tears to my eyes. She had figured out all by herself how to unhook her pump site and get her pump out, put it in her pump pouch, along with Dexie and hook herself back up. Gulp. I have never been so proud of something so simple as getting dressed.

It is those little steps of independence that have just really been pulling at my heart strings lately. I know they grow up. I know they like to be more independent, but why is it so bittersweet to watch Lovebug (and now Princess) grow up and become more independent?

I know what it is, deep down I do. It's because I know what they are going to have to struggle with as they get older. The stereotypes they will have to overcome and the challenges that lay ahead. I am not ready to give that burden to them. I want to keep it and make it my burden. I just want them to be able to live their lives as they please without having to worry about giving themselves insulin every time they put food in their mouth. I want them to be free of all the doctor appointments. I want them not to know how to read food labels at the tender age of 5. They shouldn't have to come and ask me how many carbs does this have in it mom? Or mom what is the code (for the food scale) so I can weigh my banana? I shouldn't hear out of her mouth, "Mom! Dexie says I'm low AGAIN!" My 5 and 3 years old just should NOT know what those words even mean, much less have to worry about them!!

It just shouldn't be this way....

Our Life Saver.

2011-06-10T16:14:00.000-04:00

36 and double arrows down on Dexie.

Now THAT is something I never thought that I would see. If I did see I assumed I would be administering Glucagon because that would mean one of the girls was dangerously low.

Today, I saw it. One of my fears, realized, yet again. Honestly I really wish my fears would QUIT becoming reality and my hopes and dreams would become reality instead. Yep, 36 and double arrows down. You know what? There was no Glucagon, no call to 911 because of a seizure or because Lovebug had passed out. Nope none of that. WHY?

BECAUSE SHE WAS ACTING COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!

What in the world?! They only way I knew she was that low, was because of Dexie. Dexie alerted me to Lovebug's low. Dexie, not Lovebug, Dexie. As you can see I am having a hard time digesting this one. The fact that Lovebug was acting completely NORMAL while at 36 boggles my mind! How is that even possible? After I checked her and low and behold she was actually 36. Typically I would have taken a picture of this but for some reason I was SCARED. So scared I literally dropped everything and made her sit down and drink a juice pouch immediately.

I can't even begin to tell you how much that terrified me today. For a split second I thought of that what if....I let my mind go there and I freaked out. I was shaking I was so upset. I guess the whole reality of Lovebug and Princess having Diabetes was right in my face today. I didn't like it one bit. It made me very uncomfortable. I know all the bad things that can happen with diabetes. I just don't let myself go there. I can't. But for a split second (okay, maybe 2) my mind went there with the "what if's".

I thought about the "what if" we didn't have Dexie? What if I had never thought to push for a CGM? What if Dexie hadnt' been here today? Would the worst of happened? I wonder how many time Dexie has saved Lovebug's life. Literally SAVED her life and I don't even realize it?

All I can say is for Lovebug, Dexie is a godsend. I don't know where I would be without that extra piece of equipment attached to her. I'm not sure I could function if she didn't have it. At least knowing what I know now. When we first looked into getting a CGM I was VERY hesitant. Mostly because I didn't want Lovebug to carry around two separate units. I mean really, that's a lot for a 4 year old to wear around her waist. A year later, I have a entirely different outlook on the whole thing. Yes, It really looks horrible under her shirt. She looks like she is carrying around extra weight around her waist. BUT I wouldn't trade the little bit of security it brings to our family's life for ANYTHING.

What a night...

2011-06-09T08:15:00.000-04:00

10pm - Lovebug come bounding down the stairs...Dexie says LOW. That's odd. Lovebug is rarely low at night, much less the first half of the night...check bg....yep 59. Sheesh, she was 95 arrow up at 8 when I put her to bed, what is going on? 3 glucose tabs and 30 minutes later we are back up to 133, and back to bed.

12:30am - creeeeek, I wake up to my bedroom door opening...it's Lovebug, again. Dexie is saying low...send Lovebug out to living room and drag my bum out of bed. Check bg - 73. Seriously?? 3 Glucose tabs and 20 minutes later we are up to 93 but arrow up on Dexie, set temp basal rate for few hours to be sure and send her back to bed. Oh yes, and I almost forgot to mention that she heard thunder and didn't want to go back to bed. (for some reason she is terrified of Thunder....I wonder if it's a middle child thing....)

2:30am - BEEP! BEEP! (thinking to self: stupid alarm) look at clock...2:26 am.

Drag myself out of bed, grab both meters and drag myself up the stairs to the girls bedroom....check Princess, Princess jerks her arm in her sleep and rolls over dragging Mini with her and almost pulling site out. Blood drop on sheets instead of the test strip. Try again. Roll her back over, grab finger, poke, just about get blood on strip and she jerks her hand away, again. Um, really?! Now there is blood on her face. Great. Pull out alcohol wipe and clean it off. Lets try this again...roll her back over, grab finger, poke, jerks her arm again and she kicks me!!! (yes, Princess is doing this ALL in her sleep.) Well dag nab it!! It freaking 2:30am REALLY?! I JUST want to go back to bed. By now I am fully awake and just a little frustrated. Repeat process for the 4th time...finally get a bg and she is 134. Wonderful number but I know she is never going to hold through the rest of the night, so downstairs I go to acquire a juice pouch. Back upstairs I am thankful she drinks in her sleep, I don't even have to make her sit up. Juice takes a couple more minutes to drink down. (she is SLOW compare to Lovebug. Lovebug sucks those pouches down in an instant in her sleep!)

Now about 2:50am. I haven't even checked Lovebug yet. I look at Dexie, 88. UM WHAT!? What in the world is going on...I really just want to go back to bed!! Do finger poke and confirm...bg is 93. Well crap. Wake her up and give 3 more glucose tabs and another temp basal for a couple hours. Finally, back to bed.

5:30am - wake up to beeping via the baby monitor....it's Mini. Friggin' fantastic!!. (I am pretty sure I used a much more colorful word here ) Low predicted bg 95. Oh joy. Check bg and she is 81. What a way to "wake" up. 3 glucose tablets consumed. Did I mention that this caused ALL 3 girls to get up early!?

Nights like last night are a perfect example; a perfect example of why we NEED a cure.

Did I mention that I HATE Diabetes!?

Living and Learning

2011-06-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

2 weeks ago today Princess started pumping and can I just say that we LOVE pumping!! Princess is SO much happier with it then the shots. It really was just what she needed to make all of this just a little bit easier on her. I have to admit that she told me from day one that she didn't like shots and that she wanted a pump like Lovebug. Well, she has it and couldn't be happier!

Princess prefers tummy sites and Lovebug prefers sites on her bum, so we have had to fiddle around with how and where she would wear her pump pouch. She prefers to wear her pump pouches down a little lower (more on her hips) then Lovebug does. Lovebug likes to wear hers more up on her waist. She also prefers to wear a pump pouch at night and Lovebug likes the pump shirts.

Since starting the pump Princess numbers have been REALLY high. A couple days ago I decided to raise her basal rates in hopes of bringing her blood sugar back into a bit more "normal" range (for a 3 year old anyway) She has been consistently in the upper 200's and 300's. We have even had some 400's in there. No ketones though, she apparently doesn't spill them very easily because she didn't even have ketones at diagnosis and her bg then was a little over 500. Needless to say I haven't gotten much sleep the past 3 nights and looks like there will be a few more nights with very little sleep since I am pretty sure we need to increase her basal yet again. I already have a few different basal rates going. I started those right away since there were patterns I saw while she was still on shots that I knew I really couldn't do anything about until we got her on the pump.

It has been "interesting" to see the differences between the two and how their bodies react differently to different things and situations. Last Saturday was our first really hot day around here. I was over at a friends house while my husband has some guys over helping him with some remodeling work. We took the girls to the park and while we were there, Princess was high and Lovebug had a really bad low. We ended up putting her in a stroller as we walked back to my friends house because you could just see it in her face. Later that afternoon we took them for ice cream. I didn't even bolus Lovebug for her icecream (I was waiting to see how much of it she ate and then I forgot) and she never went above 200. Apparently excitement keeps her numbers low! Princess on the other hand had a HIGH blood sugar, over 400 for most of the afternoon, after a number of corrections and then through the night still was in the 300's. I thought it might be the site (even thought it was just put in the night before, but we changed it and still got the high numbers.

One of the annoying things about diabetes is that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING can and will effect their blood sugar. Drives me C-R-A-Z-Y. I guess that means I ALWAYS have to be on top of my toes. When ever I let me guard down then BOOM there is diabetes "laughing" at me. I guess that is the biggest reason that I am stressed and don't sleep a whole heck of a lot anymore. I have learned it goes with the territory. Seriously though, Princess is doing really well with everything I couldn't be more proud of her!

If You Only Knew

2011-05-27T12:16:00.001-04:00

This is a song/poem my husband wrote. I love it wanted to share it with you.

It's sunny, but it's rain'in

It's funny, but it's sad

It feels good, but it made me sick

I wanted to laugh, but I cried instead

Take your newspaper and read it

no one cares about it

I can't see anymore-- I can't scream loud enough-- now my chest hurts

maybe it's from the heart ache I feel, but how do I really care.

It's sunny, but it's rain'in

It's funny, but it's sad

It feels good, but it made me sick

I wanted to laugh, but I cried insteaddddd........

You wanted an answer, bu-----t

you complained about what I said!!

You don't have any class SO go away!

You don't have any gas to drive--so take a bus

Go far away so I don't see you anymore

It's sunny, but it's rain'in

It's funny, but it's sad

It feels good, but it made me sick

I wanted to laugh, but I cried instead

now the pain is here to stay

now did you hear about the pain

now the numbness has come

it seems to be my spurious friend

for now I'll smile fake as a clown

I'll cry no more, no one cares

I'll care no more like my all my trifling peers

but I'll pretend with a smug smile

It's sunny, but it's rain'in

It's funny, but it's sad

It feels good, but it made me sick

I wanted to laugh, but I cried instead

My Pumping Princess

2011-05-27T09:10:00.000-04:00

I have been waiting for this day since diagnosis day, six very long weeks ago.

PUMP START DAY!!

I'm pretty sure the excitement started the night before! When I gave Princess her last shot of Levemir she got estactic, clapping and cheering. I wish I had a video recorder in my hand at the time to show you. It was PRICELESS! This morning she cheered again after receiving her last "pen shot" as she calls it. She was not the only one cheering at that point. :)

Last shot of Humalog...a little blurry since Lovbug took the picture!

She marched into the endo's office yesterday morning like a champ. She knew exactly what to do. She took her shoes and coat off and went over to the scale and then over to check her height. She even sat right down and put her arm out to get her blood pressure checked. I could hardly believe that she had gained 2 lbs and grew a half an inch since her diagnosis! I hadn't even noticed that she had lost weight prior to her diagnosis but apparently she had! I thought maybe it was from a growth spurt but the endo was pretty sure it was weight gained back. On the other hand the .5 inch taller is a growth spurt! :)

Just a little arm hug!

She did pretty good when it came to getting her site changed. She wanted to sit down for a site in her tummy and she can't do that. I need her to stand up. There was a bit of a struggle but we made it through. I am pretty sure she was just being her normal stubborn self. :) She was pretty happy when it was all done. I am still amazed that she WANTS belly sites and that she doesn't even flinch when I put the site in! She sure is one brave little girl!

All hooked up and pumping!!!

They did her A1c and it was higher, like I expected it to be. It was 7.2 at diagnosis and is now 8.1. (yet another reason I am glad for the pump!) Not bad for her age and I am okay with it, just I knew it would be up considering the amount of high blood sugars she has had since her diagnosis. We really couldn't do a whole lot about it though because the smallest dose we could give while she was on MDI was 1/2 unit.

I was surprised when our CDE told us we would be pumping the Novolog instead of Humalog. I guess that Novolog is a little more stable in insulin pumps then Humalog is. Interesting....not a big deal to me though, they are both pretty much the same thing just made by different drug companies. Lovebug pumps with Apidra and I might eventually change Princess over the that but since Apidra works much faster then Novolog I thought we would start out that way and then make the switch later. When my head is a little clearer then it is now.

It is interesting to see the differences and similarities in the girls when it comes to their diabetes. They are both similar in that they both have Dusk phenomenon, which happens a lot in younger kids. When it comes to carbs, Lovebug is much more sensitive. I can't do a 15/15 fix for her to correct a low blood sugar. I have do what I call a 8/20. Give her 8 grams of carbs and wait 20 minutes. Those 8 carbs will easily bump her up 15-20 points. You give Princess a 15/15 fix and it works just the way it is supposed to. Lovebug started out with just one basal rate when she had her pump start. Princess is starting out with 4 different basal rates! Can you say C-R-A-Z-Y!

Since we came home from the endo office she has been high. Like in the 400's high. I gave 3 corrections yesterday and she still wouldn't come down lower then 250. Goodness gracious! This has been going on for a few days now. I just thought maybe the pump start would lower her back down. I am going to give it a few days but I already think her basal rate needs to be bumped up just a bit. I thought she needed a bit more Levemir before she started the pump too. I just decided to leave it and tweak basal rates instead of messing with the Levemir.

This morning she woke up at a nice 133. Lovely. Now here's to hoping she stays under 200 today. (I know, wishful thinking, right?) I have to admit that I was THRILLED that it only took a few seconds to give her insulin rather then 5 minutes! Good bye hand written logs!! Good bye pen needles!! Good bye insulin cartridges!! Good bye syringes!! (for now anyway!) Good bye 6-8 shots a day!! Good riddance to you! The pump is SO much easier!!

Hello more free time!! That is just what this mama of 2 D-kids needs right now. Anything to make it all just a little easier.

This and That

2011-05-24T14:40:00.000-04:00

It has been one of those weeks already and it's only Tuesday.....

Sheesh.

I am excited about Princess's official pump start later this week. Princess is very excited to be done with shots and so am I. She keeps asking me why she has her pump but is still getting shots. That's hard. Especially when she still cries when I give her shots and when she tells me point blank that she doesn't want a shot, AT ALL. (she isn't stubborn or anything....)

I admit that while the pump is easier and better for Princess, it is a constant reminder to me. A reminder that I have ANOTHER child on an insulin pump. Not just one, two. (I seriously hate saying that) It is a reminder of what was and now is. It's a reminder of how different our lives were, just 6 short weeks ago. It's a reminder that the little "machine" she wears around her waist......keeps her ALIVE.

Despite all that, I am anxious to get insulin in her pump so I can start "tweaking" her numbers. Princess's numbers really have been high and I know her A1C will be up from her diagnosis 6 weeks ago because of it. But, there is only so much you can do to tweak things when you are on MDI and the smallest dose you can give is .5 units. I am ready to give her more exact doses rather then rounding up or down when it is time to give a shot.

On a happier note, we did successfully change our first CGM Sensor change last night. I was pretty proud of myself. (not bragging here....;)) It went really well. Princess really does have a little too much anticipation anxiety before so we didn't let the EMLA cream sit on her bottom as long has we had the past couple times. We also had her lay down on the couch rather then stand up. I actually got it inserted with out it bleeding a whole lot either. Last time I put one in at the Endo's office, it bleed A LOT. I think I know the trick to getting no blood, but I must wait until another sensor change comes along in a couple days.

One top of all the pump stuff going on, Lovebug's last day of Preschool was yesterday. It was hard. I can't believe my baby is growing up. I am just amazed at how much she has grown this year. I am so thankful for great teachers who took such wonderful care of her while she was at school.

For some reason it is harder for me to watch my two d kids grown up then it is to watch my oldest (who is non d) grow up. (anyone else have that problem or am I the only one?) I just love watching Peanut grown up, learn and try new things. She is a wonderful, bright girl. It is just SO hard for me to accept that Lovebug and Princess are growing up. Not that I don't want them too, but growing up means giving more of their care over to other people. It's hard to know how well teachers and staff at school are going to take care of her. Will they do as good of a job as I would? Are they going to be around staff as well as other children and parents who will be sympathetic and understanding? I don't want anyone to look at them differently because of their diabetes or treat them differently. I want them to know that they can do anything they want, despite diabetes. I know there will be lots of challenges up ahead, and I try not to focus on them but I still think about them. I just want what's best for my girls, just like any other mom would. It is just SO HARD not to worry!

Mini - The Purple Pump

2011-05-19T08:24:00.000-04:00

I know that Princess was only diagnosed 6 weeks ago, and while it seems like it was just yesterday it also seems like we have been dealing with this for a while now. Oh, wait....we HAVE been, for the past 2 YEARS! I think that may feel like we had to wait FOREVER to get Princess on her pump.

Today we FINALLY got it in our hands! Princess's precious purple pump! Whom we have lovingly named Mini - Princess's idea, not mine! Mini has been sitting at the endo's office since last Friday patently waiting for us. Well, more for Princess, but a little for me too!

Mini - The Purple Pump

We went to see one of our favorite people at our endo office, Miss Sally. The girls just adore her and that makes the trips to the endo office just a little more bearable. Since we got a Medtronic Revel instead of another Animas Ping we decided to do some training, since some of the "lingo" is a little different between the two pump companies.

It training really well. I figured most of it out pretty quickly. I'm sure it helps since I have "experience" with insulin pumps already! (one of the positives to having a second diagnosis, I guess) Princess was super excited when she saw Mini.

When it came time to put her first site in, I knew what to do and I had Princess come over. I told her we were going to put her site in her arm. OH MY GOODNESS! I have never had quite as much drama from her at that moment as I did when I asked her if we could put her site in her arm. She REFUSED! She INSISTED on a belly site. I wasn't sure a belly site would work, poor kid doesn't have much "fat" on her! She is so tiny.
I asked Miss Sally if it looked like she could do a tummy site. She looked at Princess and said it would be okay. So, we put a tummy site in! I inserted it and she didn't flinch and no tears!! She sure is my brave girl!!

Princess is VERY proud of her tummy site!

Princess really is doing remarkably well with all of this. Even though she doesn't like shots, she sure is on board with the pump and site changes! I wish she was more comfortable with her sensor changes for her CGM but I am hoping she will get used to it. She cries A LOT for those and yesterday was the first time I had inserted a sensor. It broke my heart to see her big crocodile tears. I know that we don't HAVE to have the CGM but it does put my mind at ease. I feel like I can breathe just a little now. I feel like I have been holding my breathe since her diagnosis. Huge sigh of relief.

For the next week we will be pumping with saline instead of insulin, so we can get some experience using the pump. Makes me a little less nervous to be starting insulin next week. I feel like I will have a good handle on the pump by then. So we are pumping with Saline until next Thursday when we go live with insulin! I am pretty excited (in a bittersweet kind of way) and Princess is too.

Truthfully

2011-05-16T05:45:00.000-04:00

It's been one month since diabetes made a second appearance in our lives. Princess diagnosis turned my world upside down, yet again. Just when I was starting to be "accepting" and getting used to our "new normal" with Lovebug. Honestly, I should have known better, every time I get comfortable with something another "problem" or trial comes along. Never in a million years would I have thought a second diagnosis would be right around the corner!

This second diagnosis has been MUCH harder then the first. First of all - NO ONE should have to deal with this. One diagnosis is enough! Two is just....there really are now words (beyond belief, maybe?)

I know that shouldn't question why, but it happens. I go there every once and a while. Not for long though. When I do I get angry, VERY angry. I just don't understand. What is it that makes ME (and my family) so STRONG that we were picked to carry this burden? My shoulders carry enough, they really didn't need this too. Apparently someone thinks I am capable!

I don't have the crutch of the "unknown" this time. I know the realities. I know the dangers. I know the pain, anger and grief. I have lived all of it the past two years since Lovebug's diagnosis. My reality just plain stinks. I know what to expect, or at least I thought so. It's just different this time. I am just having a hard time putting it all into words.

Moving Forward

2011-05-15T18:09:00.000-04:00

It has been a month since Princess was diagnosed. It has been a HUGE change in our lives. I never would have thought that I would be taking care of TWO children with Type 1 diabetes. I thought having one was hard! Nope, two is much harder.

I feel like I have a handle on the diabetes though. I know what I am doing this time around, and that helps. It annoys the heck out of me that I can't "tweek" anything because Princess is still on MDI. (Mulitple Daily Injections) The smallest dose of insulin I can give her is .5 units. I need smaller doses! So, most of the time Princess has higher blood sugar numbers. Her I:C ratio is 1:40 right now (which I think we need to change but I'm not going to mess with it until we have the insulin pump). So in order to dose her for food she has to have at least 20 carbs, even though if I give her 10 carbs it raises her blood sugar. Needless to say I'm sure her A1C will be nice and high at her 1st follow up appointment in June.

For the most part we are muttering through getting used to all this. It has its good and bad days, as you would expect. Just ours seem to be doubled. Or if one kiddo is having a good day the other one isn't. It is a never ending battle, times two!

On top of all of this I had a hard decision to make. We had to decide about which insulin pump was right for Princess. It was a tough one! I'm sure most would assume that we would just put Princess on the same insulin pump the Lovebug is on, but that isn't the case. While we LOVE the Animas Ping I simply do not like that Lovebug has to carry her CGM (Dexie) around with her too. It drives me crazy and was a major factor in hesitating to put Lovebug on a CGM. Of course once we did a trial with it, we immediately saw the benefits and were hooked. If it wasn't for the wonderful benefits the CGM allows us, Lovebug simply would not have one.

So, we took a serious look at the Medtronic Revel. It has a CGM integrated into the pump. I was hesitant at first but the more I learned about the pump and after talked to friends, I was convienced this was the right pump for Princess.

I did have my doubts about the CGM and senors that accompany the Revel. The sensor/transmitter is much larger and I was afraid it would be a bit much on Princess's small frame. I called my endo office and decided to do a trial with the Guardian System (as Medtronic calls it) I have been nothing but impressed! Which takes a lot! Especially because I am a HUGE DexCom fan. There are features on the Guardian which I really like, and a few that I don't. Probably more because I am used to the DexCom.

One particular function that took some getting used to was the alarms. You can set the high and low alarms on the Guardian (just like DexCom) but you can't shut one or the other off like you can on the DexCom. They are simply either on or off. I do like the predictive alarms, especially for the lows. We only had the predictive low happen twice but both times Princess was still in the 120's when the CGM alarmed. Therefore she never actually went low, like she might have had we just had the alarm telling us that she is already low.

I find the information gleemed from the Guardian is much more useful then the DexCom's graphs when you download the information from the DexCom. The Guardian has it marked on the graph when you bolus. The screen is also shaded from 6pm to 6am so you can immediately tell where the "over night" numbers were at.

We really had a great experience with it and we are very excited to be getting our own! Our endo already ordered the Revel pump and CGM for Princess and it has already arrived! We will be doing our pump training this coming week as well as starting our saline trial so we can get used to the new pump. Princess is very excited (as well as Mom and Dad!!) to be done with shots! She keeps asking me when she will be done with shots and now we are counting down the days! Then the week after we will be live with insulin! It is all a little bittersweet for us but we are still happy to be moving to this "next stage". It will be a good one for the whole family.

Saturday Snapshots

2011-05-14T08:26:00.000-04:00

Diabetes Blog Week Day 6

Princess, Me and Lovebug

Rufus and Rufus

Princess with Lenny the Lion

Princess at Diagnosis

10 Things about Diabetes

2011-05-12T06:14:00.000-04:00

Diabetes Blog Week Day 4

Yes, I left the words "I Hate" out of the title. I know what the subject is but there has been a lot of "talk" about negativity lately. Especially when it comes to diabetes. I have to admit, lately I have not seen the sunny side of things a whole lot. Just having ANOTHER child diagnosed and having to go through this all over again makes it a little hard to stay positive all the time.

To be honest, I think that you have to get the negative out. If I left all my negative thoughts and feelings bottled up inside and always put on a happy face for every one....I would be a hypocrite. I can't put on a happy face all the time when it just isn't true.

Truth is this Type 1 diabetes is no fun AT ALL. I don't see any positive in the disease itself. The havoc it creates in my daughters bodies. The tole it takes on marriages. The emotional tole it takes on the whole family. The cost of keeping my daughters ALIVE. The hoops we have to go through to get new technology approved by the FDA. The tole it has taken on friendships. The rift it causes between people because of research. Truthfully, I don't look at any of those things positively.

I have had some positive things happen in my life because of diabetes though. I have seen in the midst of suffering my true friends reach out and really be there for me, even if they don't understand what I am going through. I have made new friends who are there for me no mater what and love me unconditionally, despite the fact that right now I find it very hard to stay positive about anything. I have seen my church family wrap their arms around us, support us and lift us up. I have seen Lovebug reach out and help Princess understand what she is going through. (in the only way a 5 year old can!) My love for my husband has only grown and our marriage has become stronger because of this experience.

Yes, there are many negative things about diabetes but there are some positive things too. Both have shaped my life the past couple years since Lovebug was diagnosed (and now with Princess diagnosis) and both will continue to shape my life. It doesn't matter if you are a positive person with the glass half full all the time or a person who's glass is always half empty. The positive and negative affect your life rather you want to admit it or not. I would be fooling myself and be doing a dis-service to others if I didn't talk about both aspects of diabetes. So call me a "negative nelly" or a "positive patty" I am always going to look at both sides of the picture. It's what keeps me real and transparent and I will never make apologies for that.

Dear Rufus (the bear with diabetes)

2011-05-10T06:47:00.000-04:00

Diabetes Blog Week: Day 2 Letter Writing Day

Four weeks ago you were given to Princess by Miss Sally. I have to admit that I really didn't want you here. We already have one Rufus and never wanted another one. I never thought we would have another one, until one Sunday afternoon when I realized we would "welcoming" another Rufus into our family the next day.

The morning you entered our lives was a really hard one. You see were were at our Endo's office with Princess, not Lovebug. It just wasn't supposed to be this way. We were not supposed to be in the VERY same room that we learned all about how to give shots and take care of Lovebug......with Princess.

We knew you would be in the blue JDRF backpack that would be given to us. As soon as Miss Sally gave us that backpack, we opened it right up and pulled you out. It took Princess only a couple seconds to notice you and her face lit up with one of the biggest smiles I had seen a while. She gave you the BIGGEST hug ever. Left me in tears.

Princess didn't let go of you the whole time we were at the Endo's office. I was amazed at how she was immediately attached to you. You were her best buddy, from the moment she laid eyes on you. You even had to be buckled into the car seat to keep you safe on the way home.

You have been there for Princess in ways I just can't be. You have taken shots for her and showed her how to be brave. That is something I am unable to do with shots, since I am still a wimp when it comes to me receiving one! You have comforted her each and every time she receives a shot, she squeezes you tight as I poke her yet again. Princess just loves to give you shots on your pink patch, sorry for that. We are working on rotating those shots!

She has held onto you tight many nights now. You have become her buddy, going just about everywhere that Princess goes. I have to admit that I would love to put a little purple tutu on you and make you look a tad bit more "girly" but Princess loves you just the way you are.

Thank you for being there.

Thank you for making that transition easier for Princess when she was diagnosed with diabetes just four short weeks ago.

Thank you for everything you are to her, in ways that just can't be. If I could take diabetes away from her and give it to myself, I would in a heartbeat. But since I can't, I am glad she has you.

Thank you really just does not seem adequate enough.

Admiring Our Differences

2011-05-09T05:30:00.005-04:00

Diabetes Blog Week: Day 1

Differences, they are what make us who we are. They make us unique. Sometimes those differences are respected and other times, not so much. We can learn a lot from each other, if we would all just show a little respect to one another.

I have learned a lot from other people who are different. Especially from those in the DOC. While I tend to lean on other parents with kids with diabetes, I also learn a great deal from Adults with Type 1 who have lived it their whole lives. Two of my favorites are Kerri and Kelli.

Kerri blogs over at Six Until Me. When I started reading her blog she was pregnant with Bsparl. I just loved reading about her pregnancy, the ups and downs and the struggles and victories of being pregnant have having Type 1. I was overjoyed for her when she gave birth to a healthy Bsparl. You see, when Lovebug was first diagnosed I was worried for her. Worried that no man would ever really love her for the beautiful girl she is, despite her diabetes. I worried that even if she did find love, she would have trouble having her own children. Reading Kerri's experiences of being pregnant and having a baby have given me a new perspective on this, and she adds some awesome humor in there too!! She has given me hope that my daughters can someday have a family of their own.

Then there is Kelly over at Diabetesaliciousness. I just love that she sees diabetes from all sides of the aisle.She has been there and lived it. She has lived the good, the bad and the ugly. She brings a wonderful perspective with some humor thrown in! I just love that she reaches out to adults as well as kids with Type 1. One of my favorite posts of Kelli's is a letter she wrote to a little girl named Grace. You should go and read it, it is really special. I can only pray that my girls will have someone like Kelli to look up to and be in their corner as they grow up with Type 1.

Despite our differences, we can learn from each other. Sometimes differences are just what we need to get us through and give us a little hope. That is something I can use a whole lot of these days!

2nd Annual Diabetes Blog Week!

2011-05-08T17:06:00.000-04:00

I debated on rather to do this this year. I had a blast participating last year. This year is different with Princess being newly diagnosed. I have so much on my mind I am finding a hard time putting it all into words. Maybe this is what I need to get myself going again. I wasn't sure I could mettle through the topics or not, but I am going to try!

I am looking forward to the topics this year and sharing something different with you each and every day for the next week. Be sure to check in each and every day to gain some new perspectives and maybe even learn something new!

Here is to the week ahead and one GREAT Diabetes Blog week!

Bitter Sweet Days

2011-05-06T19:25:00.000-04:00

I feel like I have been neglecting my blog! I wish I wasn't. I have so much I want to share but honestly, I just haven't had the time to sit down and write. It is therapeutic though and I need to make time to sit down at the computer a little more often.

The last couple weeks seem to have gone by fast, but at the same time have seemed really long. I still sometimes feel like I am in a dream...

Today we made a trip to the endo's office to start a trial run with the Medtronic CGM. As I was sitting there getting everything "hooked up". It was a little overwhelming. I am relieved that we will have a CGM for a week. (maybe I will get a little more sleep now) and anxious to get the week over with so I know whether it is going to be a good fit for Princess or not. I am pretty sure it will be though.

While I am very grateful we are moving forward with the insulin pump and CGM already, it is a little bittersweet for me. Princess has been fighting the shots a bit more lately, so the pump really can't come soon enough. Emotionally, I am not ready for this. It seems too soon. Almost like I am excepting all of it sooner then I did with Lovebug. I know that isn't the case, I just know what I am doing this time around. I know the pump is easier and better but I just can't get my brain wrapped around all of this yet. My heart turns to mush just thinking about it.

I want to be happy, things are moving along like I wanted. I wanted to get her on a pump as soon as possible I prayed things would work out and they are. I should be elated for the answer to pray. I am, but at the same time, I'm not.

I didn't ask for this. I don't want another child with type 1, yet I can't change it. Complaining about it won't help. Sometimes screaming or crying into a pillow does help, but only for a while. I know this is my burden to carry I have to stop myself from asking why. I would drive myself insane if I did. I am trying to except what has been given to me but I still want our old "normal" back. I didn't know that I could hurt this much. Diabetes just sucks.

One day at a time

2011-04-17T18:29:00.000-04:00

What a week it has been ..

Last week at this time we had just returned from the emergency room with Princess with the horrible news that I would now be taking care of two children with Type 1 diabetes.

I guess if there is a silver lining in this....it's that we caught it early and I knew what to look for. There was no long hospital stay either.

I didn't realize that the day after diagnosis would be harder then the day of. Taking Princess to the endo for the first time was hard. One of the hardest things I have ever done. (emotionally, anyway) We ended up in the same room that we were in when Lovebug was diagnosed. It was surreal. Princess sat in the same bean bag chairs that Lovebug adores so much. Words just do not even do justice to my emotions.

We have the same CDE, Miss Sally and the same doctor for both girls. Makes things a little easier, until Miss Sally came into the room. She looked ready to cry. She gave me a big hug and I couldn't help but cry. I really could not believe this was happening. Miss Sally taught us how to take care of Lovebug and now Princess. We haven't actually gotten to see our doctor yet. He was at a conference that day, but I am sure the first few endo appointments for Princess are going to be hard.

I will never forget Princess when she got her Rufus bear. We pulled Rufus out of the bag to show her and the tears flowed again. She LOVES Rufus. Lovebug didn't take to Rufus right away, but Princess did and she really has not let go of him much the past week. Every time Princess gets a shot, Rufus has to get a shot too. I am so glad her bear is such a comfort to her.

Princess with her Rufus bear

After we were done at the endo's office, we had to take her to get blood work done in the same place where Lovebug gets her done. Lovebug does pretty good with her blood draws. When it came to Princess, it took both my hubby and I to hold her down so they could get her blood. It was the worst feeling EVER. I left in tears.

That's pretty much how the rest of the day went. When we wanted to give her a shot she would scream and push us away. She has ran away from us screaming, "I don't want a shot, Mommy!". It is horrible. Just plain horrible. Lovebug never did that. She cried but she never screamed and never ran away from us.

Princess has been very vocal about her diabetes, something Lovebug has never really been. Last Monday when I was talking her her about an insulin pump like her big sister's she told me that she doesn't want to have diabetes and she doesn't want a pump like Lovebug's either. It just breaks my heart....(she changed her mind about the pump the next day.)

Wednesday morning when she got up, she showed me Rufus and said "This is Rufus, Mommy. He has diabetes just like me and Lovebug. But not like you and Daddy. You and Daddy don't have diabetes." I could not believe those words were coming out of my 3 year old!

Even this morning at church when I picked her up, she told me..."I told my teacher that I have diabetes." Seriously?! It was all I could do to keep from tearing up. Then of course I ran into someone who hadn't heard about the diagnosis and had to tell her. I completely broke down.

Needless to say we are getting there, one day at a time.