Wednesday, October 20, 2010

This is why...

Sometimes life hits you hard. Really hard.  Today has been one of those days for me.

I woke up exhausted from a night of basal rate checks for the 10th night in a row.  I climbed out of bed, went out to the living room to turn on the TV.  I decided to check Facebook on my Blackberry while I was watching the news. (since I really only watch the news to get the weather report anyway.)

The VERY 1st status update that I read.....A 13 year old girl with Type 1 Diabetes lost her fight last night.  She passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome.

That knocked the wind right out of me and I immediately had to go up and check on Lovebug.  Then I cried.

You see, this is my reality.  This is the VERY fear that I live with 24/7.  The fear that I will wake up and Lovebug won't.  The thought that no matter how hard I try to keep Lovebug safe from all the complications of Type 1 Diabetes, the fact that it might not be enough, is terrifying to me.

Most of you will never know what it is like to worry about a child like this.  To have a child with a life threatening illness that stares you in the face each and every day.    There are no words to describe it.

But seriously,

This is why I don't sleep at night.

This is why I get up at least once a night and check Lovebug's blood sugar, despite the fact she wears a CGM that alerts me to lows.

This is why I beg and plead with people to donate money for a cure.  Without those monies we wouldn't have the technology of the CGM.

This is why I educate people on the seriousness of this disease.

This is why I write my blog and share my experiences with all of you.

This is why I want people to understand and have sympathy.  I know you will never know exactly what I go though each and every day, I want you to get it.

This is why I need the support of friends and family so much.

This is why I love the DOC and my D Mamas, who are there for me and really understand what I am going through.  They are doing through it too.

This is why I will reach out to newly diagnosed families that are also dealing with Type 1 Diabetes and be their sounding board.  I want them to know that they are not alone.

This is why I live and breathe Diabetes each and every day.

This is why my priorities have changed.

My friend Meri said it best HERE:

"Why must we stare our children’s mortality in the face on a daily basis? What purpose can this serve?

I honestly feel there IS a purpose. Without these kinds of moments...the world wouldn't have nearly the amount of good that it has. Once you get a glimpse out the window of what could be…the sadness of losing a child, a friend or a loved one…or once you see firsthand another human being suffer…you are changed…period. Priorities are changed, views are changed, what seemed important before just isn’t important anymore.
For all the children (and adults) out there who suffer from Type 1 Diabetes and those who have lost a love one to this horrible disease.

This is why.


Tonya said...

Heather, again, it is like you are expressing what is in MY heart as well as what's in yours. I had the same experience this morning - opened up Facebook, and lost my breath when I read those same words. I, too, ran upstairs immediately to check on our Sweetpea. We NEED a CURE NOW!

Heidi =) said...

Great post! (hugs)

Unknown said...

(((HUGS))) ((((GROUP HUG)))) to you and all the other D'Rents out there today. It is like the slap in the face that we are all waiting is our worst nightmare...unfortunately, realized by yet another family.

*deep sigh

I am so sad.

Meri said...

Sending you all my love today Heather. It is hard to face our worst fears...hopefully it will make our resolve stronger to find a cure.

Love ya!

KatieKate said...

We love you and we pray for our special kids daily. So glad to know you, Darlin'. I hope your day had some bright spots in it!

Alexis Nicole said...

Its so true if you dont live it you dont get it. My heart is so heavy today....Reyna im so in on that group hug. And hugs to all our t1s kids and adults. I effin hate this disease

Kris said...

This is so true. No one outside this "circle" can fully understand, no matter how hard we try to explain it.

Today has been such a sad day. Please include me in that group hug. I really need it too. :(


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