I was looking at the girls numbers the other day. Looking at averages over the past 30, 60 and 90 days. It was an eye opener to say the least. Well, maybe a heart attack would describe the feeling more appropriately.
I have always been really good at making little tweaks to Lovebug's numbers when I see trends and follow through. Honestly, I am a bit of a perfectionist about it, It is my kid's life I have in my hands here! How good I take care of her now may determine a lot of thing as she gets older. I want to give her every opportunity to live a long, happy life. For a while I had a system going and it worked. Now I find myself catching up looking at her numbers and thinking, I really should have made those changes weeks ago! The system I had in place just does not work when you have two children with Type 1. Mostly because I could remember all her blood sugar numbers in my head. Now with two of them, that has flown out the window.
I am really struggling to maintain both of the girls blood sugar numbers on a consistent basis. Trying to remember everything in my head worked with one Type 1 in the family. Not so much with two of them. I mix blood sugar numbers up in my head now and it's just now pretty.
After looking at both of their numbers the other night I about had a heart attack. Lovebug's numbers are horrible!! I don't think they have been like this since diagnosis! I'm slacking! I feel like I have let her down in some way, even though I know I am doing the best I can right now. I try not to let my emotions get in the way too much, but it's hard. Hard dealing with the emotional aspects of this disease and trying to do what you have to do on a daily basis to take care of their basic needs.
Most people tell me I am doing a wonderful job, but I am perfectionist here, I would like perfect thank you very much! Well, maybe not perfect but at a nice steady line. Right now bg numbers are going up and up and up and up.....
And yet here I sit, making tweaks here and there. But I'm not making the aggressive tweaks that I need to and Lovebug's averages are up as well as Princess's. In all honesty, it's kind embarrassing! I feel like I have been "lazy" in making changes and now the girls are paying for it. I find myself wanting to call my CDE and have her look at the girls numbers and make changes rather then having to think about it myself. It just seems overwhelming still.
Maybe that is why their numbers are up, I have been trying to do too much myself. Yet, I know how to do this and for the past two years I have been handling Lovebug's really well. I just can't seem to get a handle on the second one. I know it will come, but it's still a struggle. Someday's I wonder if I will ever stop struggling with it and come to terms with all this like I did with Lovebug. I have to someday, right?
