You know that gut feeling?

It started back in January.  That gut feeling that something was off.  I really hate those gut feelings but I have learned to follow them when I get them.  Even when the outcome isn't always the way I want it. 

Back in January I enrolled Lovebug in Kindergarten at the same school that Peanut attends.  Right afterwards I had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I  shrugged it off as "mommy worry".  You always worry about school issues when you have a T1 kids.  The two just seem to go hand in hand.  I waited and that feeling just would not go away.  Matter of fact, it got worse every time I though about Kindergarten.  

I kept trying to convince myself it was no big deal.  Just normal "mommy worry".  Problem is, I just could not shake that feeling. Not matter how hard I tried.  Peanuts school is WONDERFUL.  We LOVE it there.  One of the school secretaries and 2 children with Type 1 and there are 3 or 4 other kids that attend there that also have Type 1, so they are "used" to this.  There shouldn't be any big surprises for them or me. I should not have any worries!

Even with that knowledge, that gut feeling was STILL there.  I just wanted it to GO AWAY!!  I prayed about it and STILL there.  I prayed some more and STILL there.  Seriously??  When is this feeling going to go away!  I was really starting to worry.  

A couple of the parents where Lovebug attends preschool asked me if she was attending Kindergarten there in the fall. I said no, we can't afford it. (Lovebug attends a private school for preschool) We would LOVE to though!  It was later that day that it hit me.....why not send her there??  Well, there are LOTS of reasons NOT to send her there, the biggest one being that green stuff we call money.  Something we don't have a whole lot of these days. 

No matter what your view God is or where you place your faith, I  believe that God  "talks" to people through situations, people and circumstances. That is exactly what happened to me.  I swear that day I felt a little tap on my shoulder that day saying..."why not here?"  Um really, you know why not here....money.  Plain and simple.  (yes, I have conversations with God in my head ) Then that ever daunting thought..."don't you TRUST me?" Yes, I do.  But..... I can't plant a money tree in my yard!  (did I mention that I tell my kids ALL the time that there are no "buts" in my house!, I think I should take my own advice once in a while!) Needless to say we felt compelled to apply for financial aid and see what happened. 

Fast forward to last week.  The financial aid letter FINALLY came.  After a while I started to get a little impatient.  I am not typically a patient person to begin with, but I  was at peace about it so we waited what turned out to be.....three very long months.  I was AMAZED at the amount of financial aid we received, but it just was not enough to send BOTH girls to school there.  So what do we do now?  Do I worry myself sick sending Lovebug to Peanuts school or do we send them to different schools?  We weren't even sure if we could afford to send one!

After much prayer, and some advice from really good friends; we came to a decision. We are fully convinced it is not in the cards for our girls to go to the same school, yet.  So for the fall we will be sending Lovebug to the private school and Peanut will stay at her current school.  I thought it would be hard knowing they aren't at the same school, but I am at peace about it.  The private school is just where Lovebug is supposed to be.  Period.  And miracle of miracles, we still got a significant amount of financial aid for Lovebug and sending her is VERY affordable.  It's a God thing, pure and simple.  

Needless to say, the whole school thing had been  weighing heavily on me since the beginning of the year.  That weight is finally gone and I can relax....a little anyway. 

2am Madness

I am sitting her wide awake thanks to a low blood sugar number for Lovebug.  We had one earlier in the night, Lovebug came down because Dexie woke her up.  Then when I went up for my infamous 2/2:30 check and looked at Dexie.  74 and arrow straight down.  Finger poke said 72.  Dang, caught that one.  To top it off Lovebug had wet the bed so I had to fully wake her up and change her clothes and sheets.  I just LOVE having to do all that at 2:30 in the morning.  Really, it's my favorite thing! (sarcasm intended there folks)  


As I sit here (Lovebug back to sleep blood sugar going back up) completely unable to get back to sleep I find myself getting mad. MAD at diabetes. MAD at everything. You see my emotions and everything else seem a bit amplified this time of night and all the more harder to bear. This would be the time of night I cry the most often. I am so impatient this time of day.  I cursed at Dexie tonight, twice!!  Even though I LOVE that little machine!  I would be LOST without her.  I would  get even less sleep then I get now, if that is even possible.  What is it with me?  Why can I not hold it together when I am sleep deprived and trying to take care of diabetes at 2:30am? Maybe it's because my brain is going 80 miles and hour and my body about 5.  I don't know....


It's nights like these that I just want my old life back. My life before diabetes.  When I could sleep all night and not worry every day.  When I could just let Lovebug be a kid all the time, not just some of the time.  When I didn't have to burden her teachers or childcare workers at church with the extra responsibility.  Back before I didn't know what in the world a carbohydrate was or how to count them. I want to go back to when I didn't understand what a I:C ratio, bolus or basal was.  I just want to go back.  I don't want Lovebug to suffer anymore, I don't want to suffer anymore.  


I was reading Hallie's post This is LOVE calling. (another thing I did while I was up tonight, caught up on some of my blog reading!) Boy did I need to be reminded of that tonight. The song she quoted by Toby Mac is a song I jam to quite often.  Despite me losing my way, I will get back up again. Shoot, I have to pick my self back up again every day, sometimes numerous times a day!!  You really should go over to Hallie's blog and read her post, the song is playing on her music player!  You will know what I mean when you listen to the song. Those of you who really know me know the song fits me to a T.  


In all seriousness, I am not even 2 full years into this and I already feel like I am burning out.  How am I going to keep doing this? How is Lovebug going to do this her whole life?  My body hurts, my head hurts and my heart hurts.  Everything just plain hurts.  I'm tired of not being about to get diabetes off my mind.  I'm tired of site changes,sensor changes and the smell of insulin.  But every day I have to get back up and do it all over again. I don't have a choice. 


Despite everything, I accept it. Diabetes has taught me A LOT about my self. My faith has grown and my relationship with my husband is stronger then ever.  I know God has dealt us this for a reason. A reason I may not ever know in this lifetime, but I'm okay with that. Well, maybe not always in the middle of the night when I am half awake and frustrated but I know.  I know in my heart, even if my head doesn't always go along with it!  We all have our bad days and moments, right?  Mine just seem to come in the middle of the night. 

Those little thoughts in the back of my head...

A couple days ago Lora over at My Diabetic Child talked about some of her quiet fears and some things she is secretly thankful for. 


She asked what our fears where and what we are secretly thankful for.  Here are my (secret) fears. 


...every time she sleeps late or takes a nap that is longer then normal, I worry the worse has happened. It's all I can do to not go in and wake her up.  Sometimes I do sneak into her room to watch her chest and make sure she is still breathing.


...that I will do something in my sleep deprived state to hurt her and I will be declared an unfit mother.  


...that Lovebug will rebel when she gets older.


...that she won't live a long life.


...that we won't get to see her graduate, get married or have a family of her own.  


...that my other two girls will resent Lovebug because they think she gets more attention then them. Although I try my best to make sure it is NOT that way.  Sometimes the extra "attention" just can't be avoided. 


...that with all my hard work keeping her blood sugars under control, It may not be enough to stop the complications. Or worse. 


...that I am overprotective of Lovebug and smother her.  


...that she would get lost and die because no one knows how to take care of her.  


I really could go on and on. Ultimately, I know she is in God's hands and that is comfort enough.  
(although I have to remind myself of this numerous times a day, hey I'm not perfect)

My Crazy Life

To say that my life is crazy right now, would be an understatement.

There are just so many things going on, my heart and mind are having a hard time keeping up. I'm constantly exhausted (as so many D-Moms are) both mentally and physically.

Start Rant:
Everything I do seems gets some opposition.  Nothing comes easily anymore.  My stress level is through the roof.  I apparently tick every one off and I'm tired.  I'm tired of being nice and sitting back and doing nothing.  Problem is right now, all my energy goes into Lovebug's diabetes care, my hubby and kids.  I don't have energy left to "deal" with anything else.

I want to be there for my friends when they need me.  I am starting to get selfish, and I don't like it.  It is starting to be all about me and Lovebug.  That isn't who I am, I am the person who no matter what helps people out on a dime.  I would do anything for a friend.  (well within reason, of course!)  I am fiercely loyal.  Yet I feel like sticking my head in the sand and telling everyone to mind their own business.

This is SO not me!!!  and it is making me *&% MAD!!!  I want to do the right thing, but again, it's hard when everyone seems to be working against you.  I want to be the better person, but how does one do that and still come out without looking like a pushover?
End Rant.

So, I guess you could say that I need a break.  I need to eat my own words and lay it all down at His feet and let Him worry about it.

So, that is what I will do each and every day, even if I don't feel any better and my stress level doesn't go down.

I have to, because without my faith, I would have NOTHING.  I would be an even bigger mess.  (if that is even possible!)

I have to so that I can be the best wife, mother and friend possible because that IS ME.  The woman who strives to be the best in everything she does.  No. Matter. What.

Fighting

It's hard to describe the "fight" I go through with myself on a daily basis.  The fight with D. 

I'm finding that the further I get into the thick of things, the more I hate this disease and what it has done to my family. Which, does make sense, I know more about it now then I did a year ago.  But now I am starting to feel the effects of it and it sucks. I really fight the urge to seriously HATE D.  I don't like it but when I get mad and frustrated at D it feels like I am mad and frustrated with Audrey and I don't want her to feel that way.  Yet, I hate completely hiding my feelings around her because I want her to know it's okay not to like her diabetes.  Right now I think she just accepts it as part of her and doesn't give it another thought.  I pray it stays that way. 

The feelings of Then I see the effects it is starting to have on my oldest, who think Lovebug gets to do a lot of  "special" things with mom.  That's not the case, it all D related but apparently my oldest isn't seeing it that way.  I hopefully have remedied that by telling her she gets one night a month that her and I get to go do something special together.  She liked the idea, so we are going to stick with it. 

I struggle with people understanding, and wanting to understand what we are going through.
I pull my hair thinking about this.  I have friends and family that truly care and take interest, they learn about this disease and how to take care of D.  They ask questions, they tell me they are praying for me. Let me tell you, those "little" things mean the WORLD to me. Words just can not describe what that means to me!  THOSE are the things that lift my spirits now a days and keep me fighting. Then there are those that have faded into the background and it hurts, really deep.

The Walk to Cure Diabetes coming up soon I have been trying to think of some way to help people understand what their support would mean to me.  Their support to walk with our team and help raise money for a cure. That kind of emotion is hard to put on paper.  While I want to bring awareness to the disease (although that is part of the goal) my goal is to get people to stand with me; to really understand (as well as they can) what this disease does to my daughter on a daily basis. The toll that it takes on our family.  I want people to understand with their hearts, not just their heads

I just LOVE how my friend Amy put this on one of her blog posts. (*note: I did change it to say Lovebug  instead of Amy's son and she instead of he.)

"And I don’t want people to feel sorry for Love Bug or our family because we live with D.  I want people to understand so they see how strong Love Bug is and praise her for it.  I want them to be aware so we can raise money for research for a cure.  I want people to know so they understand when I’m tired and just need to stay home and love on my d-love (Lovebug) or my family because we’ve had a couple exhausting days.  But more than anything in the world, I want people to look at Lovebug to see Lovebug, not a disease.She is amazing. She has a bright future.  D will ONLY stop Love Bug when she chooses to let it stop her."

This is EXACTLY how I feel! I don't think I could have said it more clearly myself!  Amy said it PERFECTLY!

After fighting this disease for a little over a year the magnitude of it feels like it is just settling in.  It's really hard to be "happy" when  this disease stares me in the face everyday. It is hard to stay focused on the positive.  D  has changed my life and changed the life of my husband and kids, FOREVER. 

It has shaped who I am and who I will be.  But I WILL NOT let it get me down.  I WILL make the most of what I have been given, the hand that I have been dealt. 

I may have a lot of bad days.  I may even wonder sometimes if I can really handle this burden I have been given. I may always be sleep deprived and worry about her.  I may always have day filled with tears, anger and frustration BUT

I HAVE to choose to focus on the positive. My daughter is here. She is ALIVE. God has blessed me with the most wonderfully understanding and patient husband I could ever had imagined to help me through this . He has been and always will be my biggest supporter and I love him more deeply now then I ever thought possible.  I have been blessed by a community of Moms that REALLY understand because they are right in the thick of it with me. I will pray everyday for strength to fight this disease because "His love will lead me to fight another day"....I will keep my head to to sun because It's shining on me. 

Weeping Forward

Did you ever go on one of those family vacations or do something special with your family when you were a kid?  I'm sure you have.  Did you parents ever threaten to turn the car around and go back home because you and or your siblings were mis-behaving?  Oh, I heard that many times growing up.  "If you don't straighten up I'm gonna turn this car around right now and go home!"  The prospect of having to return home (or going back) didn't look so appealing at that point!

Have you ever looked to see where you are going and wish you you could turn back?

Then there are the instances where you are looking back, wanting to go back, but you know you have to move forward.  However hard the road ahead may be.

I've been there too. The day Love Bug was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

That day, I wanted to go back in the worst way, but I knew I couldn't. 

Then I read this quote the other day. "
Although there will be weeping in this life, the direction in which we weep is what truly matters"  - Kelly Minter 

Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks.  Talk about stopping me right in my tracks.

The quote was in reference to Naomi, (from the bible) Ruth's mother in law.  She was leaving Bethlehem where she had traveled to with her husband and made a home for them.  But now she is returning to her homeland of Judah minus her husband and sons and bitter at God over the whole thing.  I think I would be a little bitter too if  God took my husband and kids from me and then I had to move to boot.  Sheesh. That is what I call difficult.  Little did Naomi know the blessings the Lord had for her in Bethlehem. 

That's where I have been. When Love Bug was first diagnosed with Type 1. I felt like my whole world was crashing in on me. The Lord had just taken me from a pretty good place and put me smack in the middle of a life with diabetes.  I have been a little bitter at times, wondering why us?  Why our family?  Why Love Bug? Why not me or my hubby?  Why right now? 

Seriously, I am the girl who is just a little afraid of needles.  I pass out when I get shots or get my blood drawn. You (God) just gave me a child with Type 1 Diabetes who has to have how many shots a day?? I had a small nervous breakdown at the thought that I may not be able to take care of my own child.  I couldn't go passing out every time I had to give her a shot.

Thank goodness for grace and mercy, because the Lord has given me a lot of it.  I learned that I am stronger then I thought I was, much stronger.  I am strong because I have to be for Love Bug   (not that it's always easy)  but I'm also strong because God has given me the strength to deal with this trial in my life.  A trial that I will isn't going to go away anytime soon.

I have cried a lot of tears since Love Bug was diagnosed.  I have had good and bad days.  Days when I want to throw in the towel and give up.  Days when I have seriously had enough and thought I couldn't take anymore of this.

Despite being a little bitter with God, at times, I have have moved forward despite wanting to go back to life before diabetes. Tears and all.  And it has brought me that much closer to Him. It has also brought me closer to my hubby . All because of  Type 1 Diabetes.  Of course, I would still take this horrible disease from Audrey in an instant, if I could.  I just keep walking forward, despite my tears.

"Be encouraged.  God sees your tears.  Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you.  It is possible to cry and walk."  - Kelly Minter. 

Perfect.

"I am involved in each moment of your life. I have carefully mapped out every inch of your journey through this day, even though much of it may feel haphazard." - from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

As I read this this morning, I really had to remind myself of the truth of that statement.  Everything seemed to be going against me.  It started last night realizing at 8pm that I hadn't even printed out my 504 plan for the meeting this morning. Did I mention that I have a printer with no ink?  Even if I had wanted to go and buy some ink I couldn't find the cords to hook my printer up to the computer.  To top that I hadn't even found a sitter for my 2 year old, so I was taking two kids to the meeting, by myself. Wonderful. This was not the way I wanted to start my week.

My morning went a little like this...

When I woke up, I had a stomach ache. This morning of ALL mornings.  Wasn't I nervous enough already??  I really didn't need a stomach ache on top of it all. I checked my email and Facebook. I had a message from a friend about the 504 meeting.  She reminded me to be patient with the school and give them a chance.  Sigh of relief.  Why hadn't I thought of that?  I was ready to "barge" in there and tell them how it was going to be.  There is nothing better then a friend to bring you right back to "reality".

None of the girls wanted what I had decided to make for breakfast. My oldest was in a "great" mood, arguing with me every step of the way until she walked out the door.  My carpool friend had her daughter knock on the door.  She needed to leave a little early because of a field trip, great. Well, at least we were getting ready to walk out the door. Did I mention at this point I was still walking around with wet hair an hour after my shower?

Then my 2 year old INSISTED that I get her dressed. Okay, Okay.  Got Love Bug dressed and 15 minutes later, she has an accident. Seriously child, pull your pants down ALL the way, then you won't pee on them. Sheesh. Get everything around, ready to walk out the door and both girls have shoes on the wrong feet.  Wait, I smell something.  Sniff, Sniff. Crap, (no pun intended) have to change a stinky diaper.  Finally out the door, my van is in the street.  Great.  One more obstacle, really???   

I just kept saying to myself, the meeting will go well, it will go well. I am NOT going to let this morning get to me.  PLEASE Lord, let this meeting go well.

"Stay conscious of Me as you go through this day, remembering that I never leave your side." from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  

We started the meeting and I just went over the information I had in the plan I had come up with.  I let everyone ask questions along the way and it went really well..  The girls colored and played during the entire meeting.  They even whispered when we were talking.  Pat on the back for mommy, I must be doing something right! 

Seriously, it just amazes me what I can do when I  (really) rely on God.  I would have NEVER thought a year ago that I would have the strength to go into a meeting and do what I did today.  Then again, I NEVER would have imagined having to go through everything I have had to go through the past year either.  I have only gotten through this past year with LOTS of prayer and a huge reliance on God.  Yes, I have my bad days but I never said I was perfect.  I still get mad and cry a lot.  There are some days I even ask "Why?, Why me, why Love Bug, why my family?"  Wasn't life hard enough for us before D?

"God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises are true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection" 
Psalm 18:30 NLT

Perfect.

99 Random Tidbits About Me - The Updated Version

1. I love to cook
2. I don't have a dishwasher
3. "Beautiful" by Francesca Battistelli is my favorite song, at the moment
4. I get lost easily
5. I need a GPS in my van
6. I can't believe I have 3 beautiful girls
7. My middle one has Type 1 Diabetes
8. I am 32 years old
   
9. I have been married almost 12 years
10. I'm afraid of heights
11. I don't like to be alone
12. I LOVE Jesus!
13. I have a wonderful church family
14. My husband is my Best Friend
15. I am addicted to McDonald's fountain Coke
16. I love coffee
17. Spanish/Cuban/and Mediterranean are my favorite foods
    
18. Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate...need I say more
19. I love to go to wine tastings
20. I am a "beer snob", just like my hubby
21. I have a very bad sweet tooth
22. Pineapple is my favorite fruit, has to be fresh though
23. I love avocado's
24. I wish dates nights with my husband weren't so few and far between
25. I feel like crazy is my normal.
26. I am very loyal
27. I am a doer
28. Secretly, I love politics
29. I have a passion for sewing
30. I love to hang out with friends
31. I really am no good at math, yet I have to be since I live with it 24/7
32. My favorite color is PINK! But not for my house
33. I don't like bees
34. My favorite Season is Summer
35. I like to go to B&B's but don't get to much now that we have kids 
36. I dream of a vacation in the Cook Islands
37. We plan to take the girls to Walt Disney World in a few years
38. My favorite candy is Reese's Dark Peanut Butter Cups
    
39. I love gadgets like cell phones and i-pods
40. I wish I could afford for an interior decorator to come in and decorate for me
41. I love to help others without them knowing
42. I wish I had a mentor
43. Someday, I will fix my teeth
44. My home is very small and old
45. I am the oldest of 4 kids
46. I have lived in five different states, two of them twice
47. I am not very creative
48. I love to sing
49. I wish I would have studied voice more in college
50. I wear contacts
51. My eyes are green
52. I love being a stay at home mom
53. I love pedicures - even though I have only had one!
54. I wish I had my own "What to Wear" consultant
55. I have a secret desire to work in fashion
56. I love shoes, although I don't have very many
57. My favorite shoes are stiletto's
    
58. I love to wear jewelery
59. My favorite piece of jewelery is my wedding ring
60. I don't go anywhere without my cell phone
61. I wish I had time to work out
62. Esther is my favorite woman in the bible
63. I love to take pictures of my kids
64. I dream of owning a house on a lake
65. I love the beach
66. Traverse City, MI is one of my favorite places
67. Denver, Co is another favorite place
68. I love reading to my kids
69. I'm a kid at heart
70. I'm a girly girl
71. I love to garden and landscape
72. I love trying new things
73. My favorite Bible verse is Zephaniah 3:17
74. Outlet shopping in my favorite
75. The Children's Place and Carter's are my favorite kids clothing stores
76. When I was a kid I wanted to be a gymnast
77. I also wanted to be a ballerina
78. I cry easily
79. I'm a good listener
80. Everyone thinks I am the quiet type, those who really know me know that isn't the case!
81. I love to wear capri's
    
82. I like to be organized but not very good at organizing
83. A pet peeve of mine is when people commit to something and then back out
84. My favorite game is Scrabble
85. I  love watching my kids grow up
86. I don't like that fact that I get older as they grow up!
87. I am a city girl who loves all things country
88. I love going to amusement parks
89. I spoil my kids when I can, and LOVE it!
90. My favorite magazine is "Real Simple"
91. I also really like "Simple and Delicious"
    
92. I just stared reading the "Twilight" Series
93. My favorite flowers are purple roses, which I had in my wedding bouquet
94. My favorite smells are Vanilla and Lavender
    
95. I love candles
    
96. I love getting my hair washed at the salon
97. I wish I could get a massage once a week
98. I love old fashioned things 
    
99. I love Twizzlers and Black Licorice

One of many "Aha" Moments

 I found myself sitting at the computer this weekend thinking....why in the world did I not start blogging a year ago?  I tried to start one a few years ago and just fell short.  I'm not highly creative so coming up with ideas for blog posts was hard.  Life seemed to get in the way for a while and then Diabetes came into our lives.  I was pretty much in survival mode the first 6 months after Love Bug was diagnosed and felt like I was in a bubble.  My own bubble that not too many other people really understood.  Little did I know that there was a huge diabetes community out there in cyber world! 

So, about a month ago I started working on my blog again. Updating it and getting it ready, mostly making it more Diabetes focused. Then I started looking to see how many other Type 1 moms were out there and decided to Google it.  I found blog after blog that was just so uplifting and encouraging.  It was like a breath of fresh air!  It is so amazing to hear other moms stories and know that they are going through many of the same struggles that I am going through with this disease.  Now I am wishing I would have started this a year ago when Love Bug was first diagnosed.

I know that this disease is a cruel one but I have decided that I am going to try to keep my blog posts positive and encouraging. (Not to say that there won't be the occasional venting since everyone needs that once and a while.) That's why I am going to try to do a few just fun "mom" blog posts too as well as ones about my faith, since those are really important things in my life.  Especially my faith.  I don't know how I would have survived this past year without it!

So,whether you are new to my blog or a long time friend please leave a comment or send me a message. (or find me on Facebook!  I am hoping to have a link on my blog soon.  I would love to get to know you and hopefully along the way I will encourage a few other moms out there as much as I have been encouraged over the past year.

What's in a name...

How important is a name to you? Is it just one of those things where you hear a name, you like it and maybe name your kids that?  Or are you one of those people, like me, who need to know the meaning and what's behind the name?  I have always loved to hear stories of who people are named after or how their parents decided on that particular name for them.  To me, names are very important.  They can describe a person's character (or not)  and possibly define who they are.

When my husband and I were deciding on names for our children, we decided to use original names for first names and middle names would be family names.  Our first born, Annaliese means gracious, full of grace, and God is my oath. I thought that was such a beautiful name and meaning.  There was another name I had liked until I read the meaning, it was bitterness toward God.  That was not really the meaning I wanted my daughter to be carrying around her whole life!

I figure, since I put so much thought into the names of my children that maybe I should put a little more thought into the name of my blog. Now, don't get me wrong, I did put a lot of thought into the name I have now. The thing is that since I started this blog a lot of things have changed and shaped me into the women I am today.  The first of these being my faith.  My faith would not have grown if it weren't for the trials in my life.  Each one of those trials that my husband and I have been through, since we got married, have shaped and molded us into the people we are today.  Now, we are FAR from perfect, but we are certainly more in love with each other, our God, and our children then we ever dreamed we could be.

The second thing would be being a wife and mother. I love being married and having my wonderful husband beside me. He is my biggest supporter and cheerleader. Sometimes I'm not sure how I made it though life before I met him!  Then most of you already know that children change you, they change your priorities and they way you look at life.  I loved my life before kids but I love it even more now.  My girls have taught me so much about myself and my faith. 

The third thing would definitely be Diabetes.  These disease that ravages my daughters body is with me too.  I can't get away from it.  It has forever changed my outlook on life and my faith.  It has brought my husband and I closer together then we had ever thought possible.  Who would of thought that something so horrible could be so good?  

So, with these things; faith, being a wife and mother, and diabetes; I felt I needed to change the name of my blog to reflect this person that I am now and the life that I live.  I sent out a email to those that know me pretty well, and some of my really creative friends, asking them if they had any suggestions for me for a new blog name.  Lord knows, I don't have a whole lot of creativity in me!  I just wasn't blessed with that gift as well as others.  I also did some brainstorming of my own, trying to come up with something original and creative.  The new name may not be totally creative (on my part) since my sister thought of it for me, but I really like it.  It think it fits me well.

Is the suspense killing you yet? Okay, probably not, but hey I had to try!  The new name comes from a verse in Proverbs.  Proverbs 16:24 "Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." (NLT)  So I decided on "Sweet to the Soul"  for my blogs new name.  The sweet describes both my life as a wife and mother, and Diabetes in my life. Soul describes my faith.  Perfect.

How God Chooses the Parents of Children with Type 1 Diabetes

I found this a while ago on a group I am a part of and just had to share. It made me cry but it's so precious. It's taken from the poem "The Special Mother" by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how parents of children with diabetes are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs his Angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Brands, Tim and Heather, a daughter. Patron Saint Audrey”
“Bickleys, Sid and Ellen, a daughter. Patron Saint Caroline”
“Kitchens, David and Laura, a daughter. Patron Saint Lauren”

Finally, He passes a name to an Angel and smiles. “Give them a child with diabetes.” The Angel is curious. “Why this one, God? They are so happy.” “Exactly”, smiles God. “Could I give a child with diabetes to a mother and father who do not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

The Angel asks, “But have they the patience?” “I don’t want them to have too much patience, or they will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair”, God replied. “Once the shock and resentment wears off, they’ll handle it. I watched them today. They have that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a parent.

You see, the child I am going to give them has her own world. They have to make it their world and that’s not going to be easy.” God smiles. “This family is perfect. They have just enough selfishness”. The Angel gasps. “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If they cannot separate themselves from the child occasionally, they will never survive. Yes, this is the family I will bless with less than perfect. They do not realize it yet, but they are to be envied.

I will permit them to see clearly the things I see…ignorance, cruelty, prejudice…and allow them to rise above them. They will never be alone. I will be at their side every minute of every day of their life because they are doing my work as surely as if they are here by my side.” “And what of their Patron Saint?” asks the Angel, his pen poised in mid-air. God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”