Our two year D-Aversary is coming up. It has been on my mind A LOT lately. I try to push it to the back of my mind and forget about it, but it each day it manages to find it's way to the front. No matter how hard I try.
I really wish it wouldn't . Diabetes is hard enough without having to think about her diagnosis day. The day we came very close to loosing her. Honestly, I don't know how to react to that day. I don't know rather to be sad because our lives changed in an instant or if I should celebrate the fact we her life was spared that day.
I want to be happy, but it's hard. Really hard. It's hard to celebrate the fact that Lovebug has diabetes. Yes, she is still here and I am FOREVER grateful for that. But I also live with the realization that Diabetes could take her life at any time. I know this could be any of my kids but more so with Lovebug. I stare her mortality in the face each and every day. Sometimes numerous times a day.
I find it hard to be happy about that. Is it wrong to feel this way? I don't know. I really don't know what is right when it comes to my emotions anymore. At least where diabetes is concerned. You would think after almost two years I would be able to sort it out, but I can't.
I think some of it is because I am still grieving. Grieving over the life that we used to have. The normal that used to be our lives. Grieving over the fact that we can't just leave her. That I worry each and every time she goes to school. I worry about EVERYTHING with Lovebug. It may appear to those on the outside that I am strong, but on the inside I am a big ball of mush. I know everyone deals with grief differently but I am still figuring out how to deal with it. Almost two years later.
I really wish it wouldn't . Diabetes is hard enough without having to think about her diagnosis day. The day we came very close to loosing her. Honestly, I don't know how to react to that day. I don't know rather to be sad because our lives changed in an instant or if I should celebrate the fact we her life was spared that day.
I want to be happy, but it's hard. Really hard. It's hard to celebrate the fact that Lovebug has diabetes. Yes, she is still here and I am FOREVER grateful for that. But I also live with the realization that Diabetes could take her life at any time. I know this could be any of my kids but more so with Lovebug. I stare her mortality in the face each and every day. Sometimes numerous times a day.
I find it hard to be happy about that. Is it wrong to feel this way? I don't know. I really don't know what is right when it comes to my emotions anymore. At least where diabetes is concerned. You would think after almost two years I would be able to sort it out, but I can't.
I think some of it is because I am still grieving. Grieving over the life that we used to have. The normal that used to be our lives. Grieving over the fact that we can't just leave her. That I worry each and every time she goes to school. I worry about EVERYTHING with Lovebug. It may appear to those on the outside that I am strong, but on the inside I am a big ball of mush. I know everyone deals with grief differently but I am still figuring out how to deal with it. Almost two years later.
