Saturday, August 14, 2010

Bath Time

As I was getting  love bug out of the tub last night I was drying her off and realized I didn't have to "be careful" around any of her sites.  She was unhooked from Dexie and from her pump. Sites had been taken out to be changed and I decided to let her be "free" for a while. 

Then it hit me, she was the "old"  love bug again.  The one before diabetes.  I had a quick flash back to the way things used to be, simple and carefree.

The days when she didn't have to wear a pump pouch around her waist or have a pump site on her cute little bottom. When she wasn't hooked up to a machine to keep her alive. The days when I didn't worry about her so much.  Back when I didn't have to poke those cute little fingers 10 times a day. When I didn't have to watch everything she put into her little mouth.  When she didn't have Dexie on her arm all the time. Back when I only took her to the doctor for her well-child check-ups. When I didn't have to get up numerous times a night checking her bg or waking up with that sudden feeling that something is wrong. When I didn't worry every morning that she might not wake up because of a low blood sugar in the middle of the night. The days when I didn't have to sit and figure out if her carb ratio's are right or if I need to lower or raise her basal rate.  When I didn't wonder what caused that high or low blood sugar, the one that came out of the blue, then wonder if she is getting sick.  The days when every time she did get sick, I didn't have to wonder if it was going to end up with a hospital visit. 

Those sweet days when diabetes didn't stop us from going places and doing things.  When diabetes didn't interrupt our lives everyday and force us to change our plans.  Back when I didn't have to carry her "diabetes bag" with her supplies in it, everywhere we go, just in case.  When my hubby and I could go out and leave the kids with no worries of phone calls interrupting our evening. 

I held back tears. For the first time in over a year, I let myself remember what life was like before.  Before diabetes. It was so nice to hug her and not feel the pump pouch or Dexie on her arm.  For a moment, she was my diabetes free love bug.

Who knew bath time could bring on such emotions? 


Reyna said...

To be honest...I have totally forgotten what it was like. We are coming up on our 4 year "Diaversary" in a few weeks. I cannot remember a life without lancing my son's fingers, inserting a needle into his tush for pump-site changes, being the "food monitor", weighing and measuring everything...I still do feel a twinge of "pissed-offness" when measuring syrup for pancakes (I don't know why...just do). I cannot remember what it is like to not have a sequence of alarms set through the night, I cannot remember a time when I wake-up in the morning and immediately check to make sure Joe is alive...and "OK". Gosh...I am getting a little choked up writing this.

Great post. I do remember thinking Joe was "free" in the tub a few years ago...sigh.

Have a good weekend!

Hallie said...

It's always something, isn't it? The smallest thing can open up such emotions... I can't remember what it was like before. I don't know if that's good or bad...


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