For some reason diabetes has been on my mind more then normal today. Those of you that live with this disease know that it's never really gone from your mind. Not when you live with it 24/7. Around here I guess that someday's it seems more like it's just part of life rather then a disease the girls live with. Today has not been one of those days.
Today has been more like one of those days where I wonder how in the world I do this everyday? It's hasn't been a abnormally trying day either, because I certainly have those. It's just one of those days that I start thinking too much and wishing that diabetes wasn't a part of our lives.
I thought that maybe this far into our journey this would happen less and less. Unfortunately it still happens a lot. I catch myself daydreaming of how simple life would be if the girls didn't have diabetes. If I could just let them be kids and not have to worry.
I am tired. I am worn. I am sick of dealing with diabetes. I'm tired of thinking if I haven't changed one site or rebooted or changed a sensor then I have forgotten something. Between the two of them if I don't do something everyday then I really have forgotten something. It would be really nice not to have to worry about that each and every day.
Maybe all this is because Lovebug's diaversary was on Monday and Princess's is Wednesday. I don't know. Honestly, I think it's just because diabetes is a tiring disease. A disease the never lets up and keeps you on your toes constantly.
After this long, honestly, I just want to be done with this disease....but I can't be. I know other's have dealt with it longer then we have and I wonder how they do it. How do you just keep chugging along? I guess it's because we love our kids. We would do anything for our kids and that's what I do. I do what I need to despite everything, because the alternative just isn't acceptable.
ps. this song kind of sums up how I feel. Listen if you would like. Ironically it is a song that was used in our modern Easter drama I was in last week at our church.