Monday, August 30, 2010

My Crazy Life

To say that my life is crazy right now, would be an understatement.

There are just so many things going on, my heart and mind are having a hard time keeping up. I'm constantly exhausted (as so many D-Moms are) both mentally and physically.

Start Rant:
Everything I do seems gets some opposition.  Nothing comes easily anymore.  My stress level is through the roof.  I apparently tick every one off and I'm tired.  I'm tired of being nice and sitting back and doing nothing.  Problem is right now, all my energy goes into Lovebug's diabetes care, my hubby and kids.  I don't have energy left to "deal" with anything else.

I want to be there for my friends when they need me.  I am starting to get selfish, and I don't like it.  It is starting to be all about me and Lovebug.  That isn't who I am, I am the person who no matter what helps people out on a dime.  I would do anything for a friend.  (well within reason, of course!)  I am fiercely loyal.  Yet I feel like sticking my head in the sand and telling everyone to mind their own business.

This is SO not me!!!  and it is making me *&% MAD!!!  I want to do the right thing, but again, it's hard when everyone seems to be working against you.  I want to be the better person, but how does one do that and still come out without looking like a pushover?
End Rant.

So, I guess you could say that I need a break.  I need to eat my own words and lay it all down at His feet and let Him worry about it.

So, that is what I will do each and every day, even if I don't feel any better and my stress level doesn't go down.

I have to, because without my faith, I would have NOTHING.  I would be an even bigger mess.  (if that is even possible!)

I have to so that I can be the best wife, mother and friend possible because that IS ME.  The woman who strives to be the best in everything she does.  No. Matter. What.


Reyna said...

Heather, a good rant is good for the soul and to clear your head. You have every right to rant...and you will rise above it all. You are already doing great by Lovebug and your family. Your true friends are understanding I am sure and if not, well I would question the genuineness of the friendship.

Your faith sounds strong and I am glad that will help see you in addition to your family, and to your pals in "here", and to your pals out "there".

Hallie said...

Hang in there, Heather. I've had many days like this and I'm sure I'll have many more. It's just so hard - and when you're tired, everything seems worse.

Praying for you and your sweet family!

Wendy said...

I can SO RELATE to this. I often feel like I'm walking around incognito - disguised as someone who I'm really not.

I love your heart, Heather.

Hang in there....HE hears you.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Better days are ahead! Just you wait and see! Hang in there!

Lora said...

That was so me too!!! Now I avoid people so that I don't have to add anything else to my life.

I do have to say though, there are a few great friends that I have kept around and i do my best to listen and be there for them. Sometines their "happenings" are a welcomed distraction from the spinning numbers in my head.

You will find your balance and you will be a better friend for it :)


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