Thursday, January 13, 2011

Oh The Drama!

So I just can't get my mind to concentrate on one thing lately. Every time I sit down to write my mind wanders in 20 million different directions.  It's seriously starting to drive me crazy!  I just want to write and let it all out but none of it makes sense because I am all over the place.  

Maybe I have adult ADHD. I don't know?  I just wish I could concentrate a little better.  It's probably because there are so many thing going on right now that I am trying to focus on everything and yet one thing at a time. Does that even make sense?  

The BIG one is school.  Decisions have to made about this fall in the next couple months.  I am seriously afraid to send Lovebug to school where Peanut goes now. I seriously don't know what it is but I do know that even though I have her enrolled at one place doesn't mean that's where she is going to end up.  I do know I am filling out re-enrollment papers at the private school too, and see what happens.   

I don't know why I'm not comfortable with Lovebug going to Peanuts school. It's a great school, we love it there. I've been trying to put my finger on it but I just can't seem to figure it out. It's that gut feeling I just can't get rid of.  I know they have other children there with Type 1. For goodness sake, the secretary has 2 children with type 1 and her husband has it.  I know they know how to deal with these things....but why I am so freaking nervous about it?  

Maybe it's just because I'm comfortable where she is at, and I really don't want to change schools for her, even if that means having my kids at two different schools. It might mean that.  Then there is the cost involved. Looking at the budget I have no idea where the money will come from, but I have faith, and if that is where Lovebug is supposed to be things will work out.  While I know this is something that will get answered and I am positive I will have a clear answer soon, it weighs heavily on my heart.  

Then there is Lovebug's blood sugar numbers. They have been ALL over the place lately.  I mean severe lows as well as crazy highs, and for no apparent reason! Breakfast spikes are back!  I am trying something different here and will blog about it later, like after I have experimented with it a little more)   Her night time highs are back as well and I have tweaked the basal rates a little but I am still playing with the doses.  I set the basal rate higher and it keeps her down where she should be when she normally spikes but then she goes low about an hour after that basal ends.  I lowered the that basal following the higher basal and then she just goes high.  I HATE how diabetes is so unpredictable.  This was all working a month ago.  PERFECTLY!  Why in the world....I know, I know. It's the nature of the beast. 

On top of all this I haven't been sleeping well. I know, what D Mama does sleep well but this is worse then normal, which makes this D Mama more emotional then normal. I don't handle things as well when I am sleep deprived. Well, sleep deprived more then normal.  

Needless to say, this is life for me. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. I have big shoulders and I can carry a lot. The bright side of all this I am still finding my joy!  Seriously things could be a lot worse. But I have all of you out there supporting me and cheering me on!  That keeps a smile on my face through it all. :)


Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

Im with you girl. And we are all cheering you on! Youll tame that beast in no time! ((((hugs)))) sleep sounds awesome btw. :)

Amy said...

Sounds like your gut is really trying to get your attention, Heather. I know our minds can really get in the way, but I do believe 'reason' is overrated ;)

You will do the right thing when the time comes. Trust your instinct and if you pray . . . . pray fervently.

Plan for a nap this weekend! Naps are my sanity savers, especially when I have it scheduled to coincide with my hubby being hoem to handle the 'D'.

And, we so know you are not complaining. Just some much needed venting going. Go ahead and get it out so you can enjoy the joy you know is surrounding you.

((big hug))!

Choosing Joy in 2011, Amy

Lora said...

No fun being a double tired D Mama!! Try and get a little rest and you will figre out the rest. Hehe... that rymed :/

Wendy said...

Never ignore the gut. It never lies.

Now go to sleep. I know you're probably awake and will get it before morning. GO TO BED!


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