Monday, July 5, 2010

Weeping Forward

Did you ever go on one of those family vacations or do something special with your family when you were a kid?  I'm sure you have.  Did you parents ever threaten to turn the car around and go back home because you and or your siblings were mis-behaving?  Oh, I heard that many times growing up.  "If you don't straighten up I'm gonna turn this car around right now and go home!"  The prospect of having to return home (or going back) didn't look so appealing at that point!

Have you ever looked to see where you are going and wish you you could turn back?

Then there are the instances where you are looking back, wanting to go back, but you know you have to move forward.  However hard the road ahead may be.

I've been there too. The day Love Bug was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

That day, I wanted to go back in the worst way, but I knew I couldn't. 

Then I read this quote the other day. "
Although there will be weeping in this life, the direction in which we weep is what truly matters"  - Kelly Minter 

Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks.  Talk about stopping me right in my tracks.

The quote was in reference to Naomi, (from the bible) Ruth's mother in law.  She was leaving Bethlehem where she had traveled to with her husband and made a home for them.  But now she is returning to her homeland of Judah minus her husband and sons and bitter at God over the whole thing.  I think I would be a little bitter too if  God took my husband and kids from me and then I had to move to boot.  Sheesh. That is what I call difficult.  Little did Naomi know the blessings the Lord had for her in Bethlehem. 

That's where I have been. When Love Bug was first diagnosed with Type 1. I felt like my whole world was crashing in on me. The Lord had just taken me from a pretty good place and put me smack in the middle of a life with diabetes.  I have been a little bitter at times, wondering why us?  Why our family?  Why Love Bug? Why not me or my hubby?  Why right now? 

Seriously, I am the girl who is just a little afraid of needles.  I pass out when I get shots or get my blood drawn. You (God) just gave me a child with Type 1 Diabetes who has to have how many shots a day?? I had a small nervous breakdown at the thought that I may not be able to take care of my own child.  I couldn't go passing out every time I had to give her a shot.

Thank goodness for grace and mercy, because the Lord has given me a lot of it.  I learned that I am stronger then I thought I was, much stronger.  I am strong because I have to be for Love Bug   (not that it's always easy)  but I'm also strong because God has given me the strength to deal with this trial in my life.  A trial that I will isn't going to go away anytime soon.

I have cried a lot of tears since Love Bug was diagnosed.  I have had good and bad days.  Days when I want to throw in the towel and give up.  Days when I have seriously had enough and thought I couldn't take anymore of this.

Despite being a little bitter with God, at times, I have have moved forward despite wanting to go back to life before diabetes. Tears and all.  And it has brought me that much closer to Him. It has also brought me closer to my hubby . All because of  Type 1 Diabetes.  Of course, I would still take this horrible disease from Audrey in an instant, if I could.  I just keep walking forward, despite my tears.

"Be encouraged.  God sees your tears.  Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you.  It is possible to cry and walk."  - Kelly Minter. 

9 comments:

Lora said...

WOW!! That's all I think I can say right now.
This has got to be one of my favorite all time posts.

Hallie said...

Oh my! I'm going to have to copy those quotes and read them often. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

That's what we do, isnt it? Walk and cry....

I feel a blog of my own coming on...

Love you! Glad to we weeping and walking forward with you (since we don't have a choice about the weeping part).

Meri said...

Weeping forward. Story of our lives. What a wonderful, beautiful post!

htimm=) said...

Heather, you have such a beautiful way with words. As D-moms, it's all of our story. Thanks for such an amazing post!

The Crazy Pancreas said...

Great post! Wow!

Joanne said...

What a beautiful post... you describe so perfectly the range of emotions we feel as parents to T1 kiddos. Thank you for this.

Misty said...

Beautiful words Heather! Thanks for sharing them. Love those quotes.

Wendy said...

What a BEAUTIFUL post!!!!!

BRAVO, my friend :) BRAVO!!!!! I love the core of this message.

Amanda said...

Well, that made me weep a little bit myself! I see over and over how God doesn't take our trials away, he just strengthens us to be able to bear them. Still, that is SO hard to see sometimes when you are in the midst of them.
Thank you for your thoughts - you touched my heart.

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