You will never know.

NaBloPoMo Day   2 - 

You will never know what it's like to hear the doctor tell you that your child is really sick, has diabetes and that you need to get them to the hospital right away.   

You will never know what it's like to feel so angry at diabetes  that you want to punch it in the face. 

You will never know what it's like to feel the guilt of wondering if this was all your fault or if there was something you could done to prevent it. 

You will never know what it's like to see the fear in your child's eyes when it's time for a site change. 

You will never know what it's like to worry every night when them put her to bed that they might not wake up in the morning.  

You will never know what it's like to feel relief when you watch your child breathing at in the morning

You will never know what it's like to see you child hold their finger out in their sleep for a blood sugar check.  It breaks your heart. 

You will never know  what it's like when you can't get them to eat, knowing that if they don't they could die from a low blood sugar.  

You will never know what it's like to feel so helpless and frustrated when you have to battle high blood sugars for days on end. 

You will never know what it's like to feel the panic and worry when you see your child sitting there with a blank look on their face because of a high or low blood sugar. 

You will never know what it's like to see your child come down the stairs in the middle of the night having been woke up from a high or low blood sugar knowing that they are sleeping just a little as you are. 

You will never know the what it's like to feel guilty when you forget to bolus for a meal or snack only to see them suffer from a high blood sugar because of it.  

You will never know what it's like to worry every time they get sick that this will be the time they end up in the hospital and the worst could happen. 

You will never know what it's like to worry that your child my not live a full life, graduate high school, go to college, get married and have kids. All because of complications due to diabetes.

You will never know what it's like to wonder if your child will resent you for putting her through this someday, even though you didn't have a choice.

You will never know what it's like to hear the CGM beep in the middle of the night and have your heart sink because it's beeping which means you didn't her it the first couple times. 

You will never know what it's like to have to smell insulin on your hands all the time.  

You will never know what it's like to let out a sigh of relief when the box that arrives with their supplies that keep them alive.  

You will never know what it's like to see your child wear a device around their waist knowing that with out that device, they would die.  

You will never know what it's like to not be able to let you guard down EVER. Because letting your guard down could mean your child's life. 

You will never know what it's like to morn for the child and life that you used to have. The happy carefree one that didn't know what diabetes, site changes or blood sugar numbers are. 

You will never know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed with information that you need just to keep your child alive that you can't even move. Yet you do because you have to. 

You will never know what it's like to know that your child depends on you to keep her alive each and every day. 

You will never know what it's like to not be able to ever get diabetes out of your head and really be able to relax.

You will never know what it's like to feel the frustration that comes when you see the changes you made to your child's insulin doses didn't work and they are suffering for it. 

You will never know what it's like to never get a break, to never be able to walk away. 

You will never know what it's like to have have people look down on you because they think when you say Diabetes that your child is fat and you feed them too much sugar, thus making you a bad mother.  

You will never know what it's like to have someone just assume they know what you are going through because their Grandma has diabetes and oh yes, they were cured. 

You will never know what it's like to have someone turn you down for babysitting because they look at your child and are scared of them. 

You will never know the worry and fear of wondering if another one of your children will be diagnosed. 

You will never know what it's like to feel the heartache of hearing that another child has been diagnosed. Because you know exactly what they are going through

Yes, you will probably never know. And I pray you never have to.