Tuesday, May 24, 2011

This and That

It has been one of those weeks already and it's only Tuesday.....


I am excited about Princess's official pump start later this week. Princess is very excited to be done with shots and so am I.  She keeps asking me why she has her pump but is still getting shots. That's hard. Especially when she still cries when I give her shots and when she tells me point blank that she doesn't want a shot, AT ALL. (she isn't stubborn or anything....)

I admit that while the pump is easier and better for Princess, it is a constant reminder to me.  A reminder that I have ANOTHER child on an insulin pump. Not just one, two.  (I seriously hate saying that) It is a reminder of what was and now is.  It's a reminder of how different our lives were, just 6 short weeks ago.  It's a reminder that the little "machine" she wears around her waist......keeps her ALIVE.

Despite all that, I am anxious to get insulin in her pump so I can start "tweaking" her numbers. Princess's numbers really have been high and I know her A1C will be up from her diagnosis 6 weeks ago because of it.  But, there is only so much you can do to tweak things when you are on MDI and the smallest dose you can give is .5 units.  I am ready to give her more exact doses rather then rounding up or down when it is time to give a shot.

On a happier note, we did successfully change our first CGM Sensor change last night.  I was pretty proud of myself.  (not bragging here....;))  It went really well.  Princess really does have a little too much anticipation anxiety before so we didn't let the EMLA cream sit on her bottom as long has we had the past couple times.  We also had her lay down on the couch rather then stand up. I actually got it inserted with out it bleeding a whole lot either.  Last time I put one in at the Endo's office, it bleed A LOT.  I think I know the trick to getting no blood, but I must wait until another sensor change comes along in a couple days.

One top of all the pump stuff going on, Lovebug's last day of Preschool was yesterday.  It was hard.  I can't believe my baby is growing up.  I am just amazed at how much she has grown this year.  I am so thankful for great teachers who took such wonderful care of her while she was at school.

For some reason it is harder for me to watch my two d kids grown up then it is to watch my oldest (who is non d) grow up. (anyone else have that problem or am I the only one?)  I just love watching Peanut grown up, learn and try new things.  She is a wonderful, bright girl. It is just SO hard for me to accept that Lovebug and Princess are growing up. Not that I don't want them too, but growing up means giving more of their care over to other people. It's hard to know how well teachers and staff at school are going to take care of her. Will they do as good of a job as I would?  Are they going to be around staff as well as other children and parents who will be sympathetic and understanding?  I don't want anyone to look at them differently because of their diabetes or treat them differently.  I want them to know that they can do anything they want, despite diabetes.  I know there will be lots of challenges up ahead, and I try not to focus on them but I still think about them.  I just want what's best for my girls, just like any other mom would.  It is just SO HARD not to worry!


Valerie said...

I don't have kids yet, but I think that makes sense. I didn't grow up with D, but I was the only girl and the youngest, so my mom worried more about me a LOT more than she did my 2 older brothers. As your kids get older, you have to give them more and more control and let them make decisions--so I can see how it's harder when there is a chronic condition involved. It's easier when you are in control and know for sure that you are on top of everything. I think you are an amazing mom!

Reyna said...

Interesting comparison of the growing up of your oldest compared to the two gals with "D" Heather. I don't know if I have ever thought about that with Joe. But, I only have two kids...and only one with "D", so perhaps it becomes even more bitter~sweet when two have it and the realization of "normalcy" is that much more important and real. xoxo

Diane D said...

I worry about Julia growing up all the time too. I worry about other kids picking on her about "d." I worry about my "non d" son too but it is different.

Michelle said...

I've only got my two girls and my oldest has D so I can't really speak from experience...but I can see where I would probably feel the same.
And I can totally understand wanting to really get her started on the pump so that you can really tweak her basal insulin. I can remember being amazed at the tiny little doses we were able to give Charlotte when she started on the pump (at age 3)!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

It IS hard not to worry. I definitely worry about Jack and feel more relaxed with two non-D kiddos. But I love watching him grow and mature and change.

Wendy said...

Letting go is really hard.

Growing up is hard.

Letting go and growing up with D isn't easy, but you're doing a fantastic job.

Keep up the great work...I'm so proud of you, my friend!


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