Monday, April 2, 2012

Dusting off...

I decided to go ahead and dust off the old blog, since I haven't blogged in FOREVER!  It certainly hasn't been for lack of trying.  I just really haven't had the time but I miss it and it's time to get back and write a little more often!  

We "celebrated" Lovebug's 3rd Diaversary yesterday.  It was bittersweet, as usual.  For some reason it hit me really hard this year and I'm not sure why.  I think it might have something with Princess's one year diaversary coming up here in about another 9 days.   

I hate that they are so close together.  Their diaversary's that is.  I wish I didn't have two dates to remember. I hate that I have one.  How the heck am I supposed to process both of them?? I can barely process one! I don't know a right way to do this and I suppose there probably isn't a right or wrong way, so to speak. 

It's hard to know what to feel.  I was super depressed after Princess was diagnosed. The first month or so I didn't know which way was up or down.  I felt like I was just going through the motions.  I grieved, for the most part, but my heart still hurts so much.  More then I ever thought it could hurt.  Someday's I still feel like I am going through the motions.  Just doing what I need to do to get by and keep them safe and healthy.  (which is no easy task)  

I look at my two little girls and wish everyday that this was a bad dream that I could wake up from.  I hate seeing them suffer.  It really, really stinks. I wish that I could just take it away from them.  I have to stay focused on the positive though, God has a purpose in all of this. ( I have to remind myself of this quite often, sometimes numerous times a day)  A purpose that I just can't see yet, I may never see.  

I know it has made me a stronger person. Stronger then I ever thought possible. I have "grown" some pretty thick skin the past couple years too.  I tend to not let stuff bother me like I used to, I just can't waste my energy.  Especially since most day's I don't have much! My energy has to be focused on my family and my girls.  They come first.  I know not everyone understands, but that's okay.  I don't expect them to.   But at the same time, if something is wrong my inner "mama bear" comes out and I make it right.  I won't tolerate my girls having anything less then what they deserve. 

I guess in essence that is why I blog and reach out to other families.  I want to educate those that don't know. I want to reach out to families who are right here with me and advocate for everyone so that those with Type 1 can be a little  less misunderstood and live a life that is just a little bit easier then what they have to deal with now.  

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails