I decided to go ahead and dust off the old blog, since I haven't blogged in FOREVER! It certainly hasn't been for lack of trying. I just really haven't had the time but I miss it and it's time to get back and write a little more often!
We "celebrated" Lovebug's 3rd Diaversary yesterday. It was bittersweet, as usual. For some reason it hit me really hard this year and I'm not sure why. I think it might have something with Princess's one year diaversary coming up here in about another 9 days.
I hate that they are so close together. Their diaversary's that is. I wish I didn't have two dates to remember. I hate that I have one. How the heck am I supposed to process both of them?? I can barely process one! I don't know a right way to do this and I suppose there probably isn't a right or wrong way, so to speak.
It's hard to know what to feel. I was super depressed after Princess was diagnosed. The first month or so I didn't know which way was up or down. I felt like I was just going through the motions. I grieved, for the most part, but my heart still hurts so much. More then I ever thought it could hurt. Someday's I still feel like I am going through the motions. Just doing what I need to do to get by and keep them safe and healthy. (which is no easy task)
I look at my two little girls and wish everyday that this was a bad dream that I could wake up from. I hate seeing them suffer. It really, really stinks. I wish that I could just take it away from them. I have to stay focused on the positive though, God has a purpose in all of this. ( I have to remind myself of this quite often, sometimes numerous times a day) A purpose that I just can't see yet, I may never see.
I know it has made me a stronger person. Stronger then I ever thought possible. I have "grown" some pretty thick skin the past couple years too. I tend to not let stuff bother me like I used to, I just can't waste my energy. Especially since most day's I don't have much! My energy has to be focused on my family and my girls. They come first. I know not everyone understands, but that's okay. I don't expect them to. But at the same time, if something is wrong my inner "mama bear" comes out and I make it right. I won't tolerate my girls having anything less then what they deserve.
I guess in essence that is why I blog and reach out to other families. I want to educate those that don't know. I want to reach out to families who are right here with me and advocate for everyone so that those with Type 1 can be a little less misunderstood and live a life that is just a little bit easier then what they have to deal with now.