Monday, November 2, 2015

Blue

Yesterday I woke up to a sea of blue.  Blue pictures of  T1 hero's, my girls included, all over social media.  I literally forgot how many T1 families I was friends with and how many people's lives this disease has affected.  It is humbling and depressing all at the same time.

November comes every year, (since 2009) and with it, a lot of emotions. It means becoming a 24/7 advocate for my girls, and flooding social media with tons of post about diabetes, all the while trying not to come off as annoying and depressing. It means rather then diabetes just being a part of our daily lives, it's all the sudden reminding me that this isn't normal.  It's a kinda "in your face" type of thing and it makes me uncomfortable, at times.

It's not that I don't like advocating for the girls, because I do.  It's my passion, right along side being a mom.  It's that every single day of this month is a reminder. A reminder of what used to be.  A reminder of what I wish life was like.  A reminder that life will never be the same and that we are living our new normal for 6 years now.

It's also a balancing act.  I don't want to come off all whiny, as a way to make people feel sorry for us. If you do, please don't. I don't want pity, I want understanding. I want to you understand what we go through, what the girls go through. I want to explain what our day to day lives look like and how each and every moment is one that we are thankful for.

I know, it sounds strange saying we are thankful for diabetes.  Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say I am thankful that the girls have to deal with this horrible disease everyday. I would say that I am thankful for what it has brought to our lives.  The lessons we have learned, the friendships we have made, and the experiences that we would not of had if it weren't for diabetes.

On the same hand, It's hard to be thankful in the daily struggles of diabetes. Hard when one of the girls has a low blood sugar and is crying. Hard when the other one is complaining once again about checking her blood sugar and saying for the umpteenth time that she wishes she didn't have diabetes.  I can inevitably hear myself saying, "me too, kiddo, me too"  Diabetes is a huge part of our lives.  Some days it's a lot bigger then I would like it to be but that's the way it goes, right? We have our highs and lows just like our kids do.

So this month, I will try to balance advocacy and thankfulness. In doing so, hopefully, I will help others gain some understanding about what diabetes really is, and what our family now calls our new normal.

Blessings,
Heather 

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