Saturday, November 27, 2010

Night Sweats...

No, I am not talking about Menopause here ladies...


It's the night sweats I get  when I wake up and realize that I slept through my 2:30 am alarm and didn't check Lovebug.  Us D Mamas have all been there, right? 


Did that this morning.  Holy heart attack!  I realized when I woke up at 4:30am, two hours after the fact.  I must have turned the alarm off in my sleep.  NOT a good night to sleep through it either!  We changed Dexie's sensor last night before bed and quite often we get those stupid "???" on Dexie part of the night when we do an evening change.  


So I woke up panicking that there were ??? on Dexie and I had missed a low.  NOT the way I like to wake up. I grabbed the meter and ran upstairs.  Some relief setting in when I saw she was still breathing then looked at Dexie, 150 and steady. Another HUGE sigh of relief.  Then finger poke, 145.  (good job Dexie!)  


Now that it's over I can't get back to sleep.  :(  Too wide awake.  Too many thoughts still going through my head.  


I really despise all those negative thoughts that run through my head when this happens. Why do I have to go "there" every single time! I know all my D Mamas have been there but it never gets easier when you wake up in a panic like that.  I'm pretty sure every time it happens, it's worse then the last time.  


I know non - D parents have woke up worried about their kids. It' a regular thing with us D Mamas.  We stare our kids mortality in the face each and every day.  I wish I could say that it gets easier, but for me it hasn't.  The further a long we get in our journey the worse it gets.  I know more of what can happen now and that realization that Diabetes could take her life is very real.  A little too real.  


I walk that fine line between trusting God and worrying. The controlling/worrying part of me wants to hang on to her, hold her tight and never let go.  It wants to do everything in my power to keep her safe and healthy.  That's a good thing, but I have to trust God at the same time, knowing everything is in His control. Not mine.  I am just here for the ride.  (I know, easier said then done) 


One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7a 
" 6. Don't worry about anything, instead; pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand." (New Living Translation)


With that said, I pray for peace for all of you, no matter where you are in life right now or what your struggles are.  Life is hard but we can use all the help we can get!


 I Love you ALL! 

















7 comments:

Lora said...

I am worried about next week. My hubbys a sleeper.

Wendy said...

AWESOME POST!!!!!!!

And so incredibly true...very hard to remember who is really in control.

Wendy62 said...

I still face those fears....and my daughter was diagnosed 7 years ago (in January)...and is 17 now....It doesn't seem to get any easier, not for me yet, anyway.

Hallie said...

I hate that it doesn't get easier. I hate that it's so hard to not worry and trust in the Lord. I just keep trying... Beautiful post!

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

I have been there. Its always like slow motion to me. I moving as fast as I can but it seems like everything is taking an eternity.

I do believe in the end sometimes its Gods decision but at the same time we have to do all we can as you said to keep them safe.

Not to offend anyone but it physically pains me when I hear of parents who dont check their D kids overnight.

I remember once dh got into a car accident on his way to work it was late but 2 hours before scheduled check. I checked J since I was up from dhs call. He was 44. To this day I think that accident was divine intervention. Now I have to to do it on my own every night cause we just dont know..

Sorry to ramble this has been my biggest D issue. Fear to let my child sleep. Fear to sleep myself.

Thank you for sharing. Xoxo

Amy said...

Trusting God's plan is so much harder than anything else in life.

I love that Philippians verse. I worry so much and everytime I read verse 6 I am reminded to turn my worry into a prayer and give it up to Him.

It is difficult to grasp God's will for us to NOT understand, that it exceeds us. I know I sometimes feel I should be able to grasp it .... if only for a second ... but HE says no.

Only He knows what my daughter's full story is. My role is to enjoy her and tale care of her while she is 'mine'. And that will most certainly involve sleepless nights!!!!!

Meri said...

Unfortunately I have felt this panic on TOO many occasions. I totally feel your pain! And true dat! Why must we always think the worst! I'm so glad all was well!

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