No, I am not talking about Menopause here ladies...
It's the night sweats I get when I wake up and realize that I slept through my 2:30 am alarm and didn't check Lovebug. Us D Mamas have all been there, right?
Did that this morning. Holy heart attack! I realized when I woke up at 4:30am, two hours after the fact. I must have turned the alarm off in my sleep. NOT a good night to sleep through it either! We changed Dexie's sensor last night before bed and quite often we get those stupid "???" on Dexie part of the night when we do an evening change.
So I woke up panicking that there were ??? on Dexie and I had missed a low. NOT the way I like to wake up. I grabbed the meter and ran upstairs. Some relief setting in when I saw she was still breathing then looked at Dexie, 150 and steady. Another HUGE sigh of relief. Then finger poke, 145. (good job Dexie!)
Now that it's over I can't get back to sleep. :( Too wide awake. Too many thoughts still going through my head.
I really despise all those negative thoughts that run through my head when this happens. Why do I have to go "there" every single time! I know all my D Mamas have been there but it never gets easier when you wake up in a panic like that. I'm pretty sure every time it happens, it's worse then the last time.
I know non - D parents have woke up worried about their kids. It' a regular thing with us D Mamas. We stare our kids mortality in the face each and every day. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but for me it hasn't. The further a long we get in our journey the worse it gets. I know more of what can happen now and that realization that Diabetes could take her life is very real. A little too real.
I walk that fine line between trusting God and worrying. The controlling/worrying part of me wants to hang on to her, hold her tight and never let go. It wants to do everything in my power to keep her safe and healthy. That's a good thing, but I have to trust God at the same time, knowing everything is in His control. Not mine. I am just here for the ride. (I know, easier said then done)
One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7a
" 6. Don't worry about anything, instead; pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand." (New Living Translation)
With that said, I pray for peace for all of you, no matter where you are in life right now or what your struggles are. Life is hard but we can use all the help we can get!
I Love you ALL!