I feel like I am a gymnast doing her balance beam routine. The same routine I have done over and over again except sometimes I get that perfect 10 and other times I crash and burn.
You see everyday I am on a "balance" beam trying to keep my life balanced. I have to have time to be a wife, mother, pancreas and friend. I would say that most women struggle with balancing these things. Well, maybe not the pancreas part, but the rest of them for sure! When you add in the job of pancreas, life gets just a little more complicated then normal. You see being a pancreas 24/7/365 is well, tiring and just a little stressful. More so even then all of the other three combined.
Of course when trying to balance all those things, sometimes (okay most of the time) something has to give. For me that one thing tends to be friends.
It's hard to admit that I have let my (non-D) friendships suffer (a lot) the past two years. I know that I am different. I am tired and exhausted. I lost a part of myself the day Lovebug was diagnosed. I am not the same person. I am stronger and more vocal. (a nice way of saying I speak my mind a bit more then I used to!) Honestly, most days I just don't have anything left to give at the end of the day. I want to be there for you but I can't.
I need you to be there for me though. I am all about give and take in relationships. Especially friendships. I don't mean tit for tat when I say that. I mean a real honest give and take. No one is "keeping score" but everyone is pulling their weight. Actions speak louder then words in my book! Those that give and you know that the expect nothing in return.
I know that some of you understand that I may not always be able to give back and you are okay with that. You don't feel slighted or ignored. You take the time to ask questions and genuinely care. You have been there through the thick and thin. Even when you weren't quite sure what to say or do, but some how you muttered through it.
All I can say is a BIG Thank You! Thank you for helping me stay on that balance beam. Your help, love, support and prayers mean the world to me. They hold me up on days when I don't think I can do it anymore.
You see everyday I am on a "balance" beam trying to keep my life balanced. I have to have time to be a wife, mother, pancreas and friend. I would say that most women struggle with balancing these things. Well, maybe not the pancreas part, but the rest of them for sure! When you add in the job of pancreas, life gets just a little more complicated then normal. You see being a pancreas 24/7/365 is well, tiring and just a little stressful. More so even then all of the other three combined.
Of course when trying to balance all those things, sometimes (okay most of the time) something has to give. For me that one thing tends to be friends.
It's hard to admit that I have let my (non-D) friendships suffer (a lot) the past two years. I know that I am different. I am tired and exhausted. I lost a part of myself the day Lovebug was diagnosed. I am not the same person. I am stronger and more vocal. (a nice way of saying I speak my mind a bit more then I used to!) Honestly, most days I just don't have anything left to give at the end of the day. I want to be there for you but I can't.
I need you to be there for me though. I am all about give and take in relationships. Especially friendships. I don't mean tit for tat when I say that. I mean a real honest give and take. No one is "keeping score" but everyone is pulling their weight. Actions speak louder then words in my book! Those that give and you know that the expect nothing in return.
I know that some of you understand that I may not always be able to give back and you are okay with that. You don't feel slighted or ignored. You take the time to ask questions and genuinely care. You have been there through the thick and thin. Even when you weren't quite sure what to say or do, but some how you muttered through it.
All I can say is a BIG Thank You! Thank you for helping me stay on that balance beam. Your help, love, support and prayers mean the world to me. They hold me up on days when I don't think I can do it anymore.
7 comments:
I like the gymnast / balance beam analogy. It's perfect. Balancing all of our roles (wife, mother, pancreas, friend, sister, daughter, employee, etc.), some days, we score that perfect 10 and feel on top of the world. Other days, we fall down and feel miserable. If only it were easy to score a 10 (or even a 9 or an 8) every day!!!
I really could relate to the whole post here Heather. The balance beam of womanhood with the added one-sided "weighted pole" of "pancreating."
I have been changed through type 1 in Joe's life for sure. My sense of humor has become more raw. I have become desensitized to the little things in life and I have become a bit hardened.
I have nothing left at the end of the day...and sadly I am pancreating nightly and now think nothing of being up once, twice, or more through the night...multiple nights in a row. It is just our way of life. It makes me sad that in the process that some of my friendships have suffered. Hell, I have suffered, yet emerged a bit stronger I suppose.
This post is great. I feel like my friends have let me down, while I have tried to balance it all even though some days I cant.
Great news is we have each other! xoxo
You are right. Its a tricky balancing act, in which the pancreas has gotta come first. I feel for my other 2 kids, my husband and sometimes even R himself. ARGH. its tough, hang in there xx.
I can completely relate! Balancing all my roles in life was difficult enough at times even before T1, but throw that in and it definitely adds a whole new challenging dimension!
I feel like I'm falling off the balance beam lately...so thankful I'm not alone.
Love the analogy! It is so hard to balance it all. Thank goodness for the friends that understand!
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