Wednesday, April 13, 2011

In the blink of an eye

You never think it will really happen to you....and then it does.  And the whole world stands still.

It all started Saturday night.  Princess was up quite a few times to use the bathroom, which was very unusual for her but she had drank quite a bit that day so I didn't think much of it.  Needless to say between Princess being up "peeing" and Lovebug having stubborn high blood sugars....I was exhausted and so was my hubby.  
I had to drag my bum out of bed anyway.  I wanted to go to church and needed to since I had Easter Drama rehearsal.  Tim decided to stay home with the girls and get some extra sleep.   

When I got home from church a few hours later, Princess came up to me asking for a drink. My hubby stepped in and said "no", since she had just had a drink.  I sarcastically asked him if she had been drinking a lot that morning. No sooner had the words come out of my mouth and I was thinking back to the night before and Princess going to the bathroom, a lot. My hubby and I looked at each other. We knew what each other was thinking without even saying anything.  

My hubby went over to our diabetes supply cabinet and dug out our extra meter while I made the girls some sandwiches for lunch.  We decided to humor ourselves and put our minds at ease at the same time.  Got the meter out poked her.....509. 

My stomach sank.  Tears welled up in my eyes. Then, as if grasping at straws I told him the code must be wrong or the meter was off.  I checked the code.  It was right.   We decided to check on Lovebug's meter since we knew that meter was right....492.  In that second, everything changed. I knew what we were looking at and my heart broke in two. 

It was off the the ER we went.  It was all so surreal sitting in the waiting room.  I remember looking at all the other kids that looked sick, on the outside.  My baby was sick on the inside. I couldn't believe it, we were here, again.  How did this happen?  Why?  

Princess laid in her bed and watched TV.  She wore the same gown with little tigers on it that Lovebug had worn when she was diagnosed.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I put it on her.  Princess never got a IV like Lovebug did but they had to do a blood draw.  Thankfully it wasn't too dramatic.

Then we just sat, and waited.  We knew what the doctor was going to say. It didn't make it any easier knowing.  I about lost it when he did finally come back and confirm it.  We would get to go home as soon as she got a shot of Lantus (long acting insulin) to tide us over until the morning when we could get in to see the endocrinologist.  So home we went.  Shocked.  Sad.  Mad. Dumbfounded.   I'm pretty sure I had every emotion known to man that day.  Words just can't describe what I was feeling.  (what I am still feeling)

And so we began our journey caring for two kiddo's with Type 1.

39 comments:

Shan said...

Heather,
I am sitting here, reading this, and even though I already knew, I am crying. I love that you have "Safe" playing on the blog. How fitting.
I am crying for your girls and for you. I can't even imagine.

Kris said...

I'm in tears once again reading about your sweet girl. You have been on my mind SO much these past few days. I wish I could do something to help you but I hope you know I have been praying for you, a lot. I wish I could give you a big hug in person. Lots of love to you, my friend.

Jen said...

Heather, I have not been able to get you off my mind. My heart is still breaking for the Princess and you all ...I want to say profound things but I can think to tell you is - you are strong, you are a wonderful mama pancreas, your girls are going to be ok, you will be ok, the raw emotions will pass...I am wrapping my arms around you all from across the country. Much love to all of you..

Tonya said...

Heather, like the other commenters, you have been in my prayers since I found out. This post breaks my heart... and my tears that you can't see say what my words cannot. Praying for you and your family.

Audrey said...

I've been thinking about you guys non-stop. I'm so sad for you. I've been waiting for your blog- I'm basically stalking you. I will continue to pray for you. You are an amazing mother. You'll get through this. Love, Audrey

Reyna said...

Me too...I already knew...and tears again. I am thinking of you. I am sending you my love, my support, and my "cowbell".

xoxo

Kimberly said...

Yep. Ditto to all. Tears just started flowing at the hair salon. You can do this. Your girls have each other for all the support in the world. The numbers mean SO MUCH I am sure the second time around now that you can make sense of them. Ugh. Sending love and positive energy to the family!!!

Misty said...

Oh Heather! How very hard that must have been for you to write that out. I have been hurting for you since Sunday and just reading this brought me to tears AGAIN! I wish I had some miracle that would take it all away for you, for Lovebug, and for Princess. Hoping that you can feel my love!

Alexis Nicole said...

Even though I knew, reading your account of it has me in tears.

Youre a wonderful mama, and pancreas, know that we are all here for you.

Thinking of you and your family,xoxo

Wendy said...

"You will be safe in His arms."

Cling to this truth, my friend.

I haven't been able to hold back the tears since Sunday morning. I'm praying for your beautiful family...and I know you will bring Him glory as you tackle this mountain on the road ahead.

Trev said...

My Dear, I am at work so I have to hold'em back(tears) We have you in our thoughts and prayers. That is indeed terrible news. Take care of yourselves.

Trev

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Heather, I am so sorry for this news and so sorry to have been out of the loop for the last several days. I have over 1,000 unread blogs, so I'm a wee bit behind.

Thank you for taking the time write this post and share with us. Please know that we are all here for you even if like me, we're a little distracted. Just bang me over the head if there is anything I can do to help. I'll drop everything.

Hugs. Lorraine

Penny said...

Thinking of you sweet friend and sending you love, hugs, strength and faith. We are all here for you.

Christy of My 2 Sweet Babies said...

Somehow I don't feel worthy of posting a comment because my troubles are so small compared to yours. Even though my two kids have diabetes too, I don't have anywhere near the amount of "stuff" you will have to deal with. But I do know how you feel. I remember when they checked Katie's blood sugar at birth and her first 2 were higher than a normal newborn's blood sugar. I wanted to scream, "why me?" I cried for days. I was depressed. I struggled with God. But in the end, I did what I had to do and came to terms with it. It will not be easy, but with God and the entire DOC on your side, you will pull through this and be stronger than ever. We all love you.

Denise said...

I sort of knew what was going on from FB but reading this brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine the feelings as I worry about my non-D kids getting D. You have a ton of support and rock as a mama pancreas. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Hallie said...

Oh Heather... It just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry that you have to face this. But I know, for what it's worth, that you will handle this with the same grace that you handled Lovebug's. God will strengthen you... Hugs!!

Stephanie said...

Oh Heather...I had no idea! I know Reyna mentioned something on FB about a friend having another child being diagnosed..I am so, so, so sorry.

Sending lots of love and hugs your way. (((hugs)))

Joanne said...

I am just in tears reading this. I am so, so sorry... I wish there were something I could do or say to make it better, but I know there's nothing. I am praying for you and your sweet family.

Diane D said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. I am so sorry. I know you can do it, we all just "Do" right?

Amy said...

I tried really really hard to not see what I thought I saw happening on FaceBook threads. I wanted to shut my eyes, shake my head back and forth and plug my ears to make it all go away. Two. Two precious lives in One family now dealing with the beast . . T1D.

I have to admit, I went and checked blood sugars of my 2 non-T1D kids. I had a scare a couple of weeks ago with my son, but it turned out to be high sugars related to an illness. I breathed a sigh of relief as their numbers both popped up 'in range'.

But it could have gone differently . . as it did for you and your family . . . and for that I am crying right along with guys.

Because T1D knows no boundaries and does not know where to stop.

Because T1D may hit ANY of the DOC's other children or loved ones (and HAS!).

Because we know how you feel. We know about the pain and devastation and loss of innocence. We know because all of us with a CWD have been through it.

I am SO SORRY T1D chose to cross your boundary.

I wish I could offer more than prayers and cyber ((hugs)).

Ack. Damn Diabetes!!!!!

NikDuck said...

Oh Heather, I am heartbroken for you. Lean on those around you who love you. Praying for you and thinking of you.

Pam said...

I'm so sorry, Heather, to hear the news. We all have the fear, but sadly you have to endure the reality. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

TheCrazyHouse said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Less than 5 months after our first T1 dx, my older son was also dx'd. I am sorry that you are having to go through this all over again. In ways, the second dx is harder simply because we know what to expect, but in ways it is also easier for the very same reason. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Laura @ Houston We Have A Problem! said...

I am here for you today and every day! Love you!!!!

Shannon said...

I'm so, so sorry. You are right. While we know the statistics...each of our other non-d children..,.... a 10-25% chance.......it just seems too cruel, too unbelievable to strike twice in one family. I just do not know what to say. Even saying God is with you seems trite. May He comfort you and your family.

runnerpaige said...

Oh Heather! I'm in tears for your little girl and sending ya'll a big hug and prayers. :(

Lora said...

Love you and here if you need anything(((hugs))).

Mommy Monologues said...

Oh my goodness....so, so sorry! I have no words. I will be praying for you and your family with the transition. I'm feeling numb for you and goosebumps while I read your post.
Amber G.

k2 said...

Sending you all boatloads of love, hugs, positive vibes, prayers, and strength.

Misty said...

So sorry to hear this.. Lots of love and prayers.

5Byrds said...

Heather- Prayers for your family.

Elisa said...

This made me a teary eyed. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, but just be certain we are all here for you. Stay strong and loving as Im sure you are, your children will appreciate your strength when they are older. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Amy Lederer said...

Words just aren't good enough. I just want to hug you . . . my arms just aren't long enough.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to read about a second dx in one family. One child diagnosed is more than enough for one family to handle, and I am sorry this has happened to your daughter. Very unfair. Will pray for your daughter and family, that you will find the strength to deal with this new shock. I cannot imagine going through this twice.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

I can't stop thinking about you and your sweet girls. Sending love and hugs your way!!!

Leigh said...

Not sure how I haven't found your blog before now, but you and your family will definitely be in my prayers! It gas always been in the back of my
mind and I have checked Emma more than once. I'm just so sorry for you! ((((hugs)))) and prayers!!

Michelle said...

So sad (and that doesn't even begin to truly describe)...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

connie said...

Heather,

I'm so, so sorry. I couldn't stop the tears as I read your post as it struck so close to my heart, I cannot tell you how much it brought me back to the day when my second daughter was diagnosed with t1d...that sadness, shock and fear...I understand it well. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sending lots of hugs and love your way.

Five Bears A-Blogging said...

Wow. I've been out of the D-loop for a couple of months, and am just now getting caught up. I am so sorry you've been hit with this. Your little girls are so lucky to have you as their mom. Sending love and hugs to all of you.

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