Sunday, April 17, 2011

One day at a time

What a week it has been ..

Last week at this time we had just returned from the emergency room with Princess with the horrible news that I would now be taking care of two children with Type 1 diabetes.

I guess if there is a silver lining in's that we caught it early and I knew what to look for.  There was no long hospital stay either.

I didn't realize that the day after diagnosis would be harder then the day of.  Taking Princess to the endo for the first time was hard.  One of the hardest things I have ever done. (emotionally, anyway) We ended up in the same room that we were in when Lovebug was diagnosed.  It was surreal.  Princess sat in the same bean bag chairs that Lovebug adores so much.  Words just do not even do justice to my emotions.

We have the same CDE, Miss Sally and the same doctor for both girls.  Makes things a little easier, until Miss Sally came into the room. She looked ready to cry. She gave me a big hug and I couldn't help but cry. I really  could not believe this was happening.  Miss Sally taught us how to take care of Lovebug and now Princess. We haven't actually gotten to see our doctor yet.  He was at a conference that day, but I am sure the first few endo appointments for Princess are going to be hard.

I will never forget Princess when she got her Rufus bear. We pulled  Rufus out of the bag to show her and the tears flowed again.  She LOVES Rufus.  Lovebug didn't take to Rufus right away, but Princess did and she really has not let go of him much the past week.  Every time Princess gets a shot, Rufus has to get a shot too.  I am so glad her bear is such a comfort to her.
Princess with her Rufus bear
After we were done at the endo's office, we had to take her to get blood work done in the same place where Lovebug gets her done.  Lovebug does pretty good with her blood draws.  When it came to Princess, it took both my hubby and I to hold her down so they could get her blood.  It was the worst feeling EVER.  I left in tears.  

That's pretty much how the rest of the day went.  When we wanted to give her a shot she would scream and push us away.  She has ran away from us screaming, "I don't want a shot, Mommy!".  It is horrible.  Just plain horrible.  Lovebug never did that. She cried but she never screamed and never ran away from us.

Princess has been very vocal about her diabetes, something Lovebug has never really been.  Last Monday when I was talking her her about an insulin pump like her big sister's she told me that she doesn't want to have diabetes and she doesn't want a pump like Lovebug's either.  It just breaks my heart....(she changed her mind about the pump the next day.)

Wednesday morning when she got up, she showed me Rufus and said "This is Rufus, Mommy. He has diabetes just like me and Lovebug. But not like you and Daddy. You and Daddy don't have diabetes."  I could not believe those words were coming out of my 3 year old!

Even this morning at church when I picked her up, she told me..."I told my teacher that I have diabetes."  Seriously?!  It was all I could do to keep from tearing up.  Then of course I ran into someone who hadn't heard about the diagnosis and had to tell her.  I completely broke down.

Needless to say we are getting there, one day at a time.


Pam said...

My heart is aching for you. Stay strong. You can do this. Like you said, one day at a time.

WendyP said...

This breaks my heart Heather. I know how awful this must feel for you. I'm so sorry you all are having to go through this yet again. I know it is no easier the second time. Maybe it is even worse knowing all that she will have to face. I hate that any of our kids have to to have this disease, but that some of you have to deal with more than one child having it is just plain wrong. I wish there was something ant of us could say or do to make it better. But you're right, just one day at a time, and you;l get through it. Just cry when you need to. Hugs.

Tracy (The Crazy Pancreas) said...

Love you, friend!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Tears. I really feel for you. I know how hard this is.

Jack was glued to Rufus in the beginning too. Every time Jack got a shot, so did Rufus. Thank goodness for Rufus!

I hope you start to notice that life gets a little easier and the tears flow a little less, taking it one day at a time.

Sending love and hugs!!

Lora said...

One day at a time girl...
I hope you guys are able to get the pump quickly and that it helps relieve some of the tears.

Love you!!

Wendy said...

A journey so far...yet so new. Princess is beautiful.

May God always hold your heart in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

Michelle said...

Tears flowing here! I can't imagine...although it's something that is constantly on my mind with my younger daughter. I think you've got the right idea...just take it one day at a time. And know that you've got lots of love and support from the DOC!

Reyna said...

One day at a time...sadly, for things to get better and easier it takes time. And during that time you go through some of the most painful emotions...and time seems to almost stand still while you endure them.


Anonymous said...

Heart-breaking, but your daughter's reaction is probably the same I would have if forced to endure treatment for Type 1... she is too young to mask her reaction. I hope you are able to get your hands on a pump ASAP so she does not have to endure the shots too much longer. Glad Rufus brings her some comfort. Did they retire Ruby, the female bear? Praying for her and you. Can't believe you have another dx in the family. I know you are managing beautifully taking care of her no matter how you are feeling. She is lucky to have you as a Mom.

Amy said...

My prayers are filled with your family, Heather. Lifting you up and asking for comfort in a time it just doesn't seem possible.

I so wish you didn't have to experience this. Thank you for sharing it, though. You are a tremendously strong woman and I applaud your ability to jump back in here and tell us all about the struggles . . . and the successes.

((hugs to you today))

NikDuck said...

My heart breaks for you. It just doesn't seem fair that some have to go through this yet again with another child. It hurts to see another child be diagnosed with this disease. We had lots of screaming with the shots in the beginning as well...and holding down. I cried every time. It is such an aweful feeling. Hang in there.....we're all here for you.

Karen G said...

I'm so so sorry this is all happening. I wish I had the words to make everything right in your world again - but I will keep both of your beautiful daughters in my thoughts.

Misty said...

I am just heartbroken for you too Heather. This is such a tough time, a new diagnosis, for anyone! But a second one for you has got to be so much more emotionally exhausting even than the first - at least at the beginning. You are doing an amazing job. One day at a time...

my sweet girl said...

At least you know this time that things will get better.
I am always waiting for the ball to drop and my son to be diagnosed.I wonder how I would take it and I feel like it would equally as hard emotionally, but not as scary medically.
One day at a time.


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