Back before preschool was over, Lovebug decided that she didn't want me help her get dressed every morning. Every morning it was the same fight, I had to help her get dressed and she wanted to do it all by herself. Tears and yelling would ensue and I would win the "fight" but not after feeling pretty rotten that I had to help her out. The whole problem was the before D (this was 2 years ago) she was already getting herself dressed and then we had to go back to me helping her again. She didn't mind at first but now, she hates it. She wants to be more like her big sister and be able to get herself dress. Heck, I can't blame her. I would HATE having to rely on someone else to help get me dressed every morning!
What it all comes down to is the fact that she has to be able to unhook herself from her pump in order to get her pump shirt off in the morning and put it on before bed. She wears a pump shirt at night instead of a pump pouch like she does during the day. In order to put it on you have to unhook the pump from the site, run the tubing through the button hole in the shirt and hook the tubing back up to the site. I wanted to show her, but at the same time I didn't want to have to worry about her pulling her sites out all the time or hurting herself. (or dropping her pump, the list goes on....) This is another one of those things that just pulls at my heart strings. She should be able to get herself dressed in the morning, WITHOUT my help. (or anyone else's for that matter) I hate that diabetes has taken some of her independence away.
Needless to say she has been really pushing me lately to let her do things by herself, (not necessarily d-related things all the time) So I have been giving her more independence, where I can and as she is comfortable. The biggest one has definitely been getting herself dressed.
One morning she comes downstairs and is already dressed! (the girls don't typically get dressed until after breakfast) I was surprised, shocked and happy all at the same time. It brought tears to my eyes. She had figured out all by herself how to unhook her pump site and get her pump out, put it in her pump pouch, along with Dexie and hook herself back up. Gulp. I have never been so proud of something so simple as getting dressed.
It is those little steps of independence that have just really been pulling at my heart strings lately. I know they grow up. I know they like to be more independent, but why is it so bittersweet to watch Lovebug (and now Princess) grow up and become more independent?
I know what it is, deep down I do. It's because I know what they are going to have to struggle with as they get older. The stereotypes they will have to overcome and the challenges that lay ahead. I am not ready to give that burden to them. I want to keep it and make it my burden. I just want them to be able to live their lives as they please without having to worry about giving themselves insulin every time they put food in their mouth. I want them to be free of all the doctor appointments. I want them not to know how to read food labels at the tender age of 5. They shouldn't have to come and ask me how many carbs does this have in it mom? Or mom what is the code (for the food scale) so I can weigh my banana? I shouldn't hear out of her mouth, "Mom! Dexie says I'm low AGAIN!" My 5 and 3 years old just should NOT know what those words even mean, much less have to worry about them!!
It just shouldn't be this way....