I never thought there would be a time that I would hate diabetes more then I did at this moment....
Lovebug was getting herself ready for bed. She had just put on her pump shirt and asked me for some help because she couldn't get her site hooked back in. I hooked it back in and then this conversation followed:
Lovebug: "Mommy, will I always have to wear a pump shirt to bed?"
Me: "No, you could always wear a pump pouch like Princess does."
Lovebug: "Maybe I will try a pouch again sometime. Will I always need my insulin pump though?"
Me: "Yeah, kiddo, you will. Unless when you grow up you want to go back to shots then that will be your decision because you will be a grown up."
Lovebug: "I'm STILL going to have diabetes when I grow up? It's not going to go away?" (I wish you could have hear the really sad voice she had when she said this.)
Me: (taking deep breath) "Yes, sweetheart, you will and no, it won't go away." (gulp, and try to hold back tears)
Lovebug: (with a very sad look on her face) "I'm going to have diabetes for the rest of my life, aren't I?"
Me: (taking another deep breath and reminding myself to breathe) "Yes, unless they find a cure kiddo."
Lovebug: "That stinks!" (she gives me one of her great big bear hugs and tears stream down my face)
I could not have felt more sick at that moment. To look my daughter in the eye and tell her that yes, you will have diabetes for the rest of your life.(unless we find a cure! and I did explain that to her) Only to have her look back and me, knowing she understood. That was one of the toughest moments of my LIFE.
Lovebug was getting herself ready for bed. She had just put on her pump shirt and asked me for some help because she couldn't get her site hooked back in. I hooked it back in and then this conversation followed:
Lovebug: "Mommy, will I always have to wear a pump shirt to bed?"
Me: "No, you could always wear a pump pouch like Princess does."
Lovebug: "Maybe I will try a pouch again sometime. Will I always need my insulin pump though?"
Me: "Yeah, kiddo, you will. Unless when you grow up you want to go back to shots then that will be your decision because you will be a grown up."
Lovebug: "I'm STILL going to have diabetes when I grow up? It's not going to go away?" (I wish you could have hear the really sad voice she had when she said this.)
Me: (taking deep breath) "Yes, sweetheart, you will and no, it won't go away." (gulp, and try to hold back tears)
Lovebug: (with a very sad look on her face) "I'm going to have diabetes for the rest of my life, aren't I?"
Me: (taking another deep breath and reminding myself to breathe) "Yes, unless they find a cure kiddo."
Lovebug: "That stinks!" (she gives me one of her great big bear hugs and tears stream down my face)
I could not have felt more sick at that moment. To look my daughter in the eye and tell her that yes, you will have diabetes for the rest of your life.(unless we find a cure! and I did explain that to her) Only to have her look back and me, knowing she understood. That was one of the toughest moments of my LIFE.
9 comments:
Ugghh...I have had these conversations with my 5 year old and it is so hard and hurts so much. It's tough when they "get it". Thanks for sharing. I haven't had it in me to post about our conversations, but will have to do that soon. Nicole
Ugh... this made me cry. I've been hearing a lot of the same from Elise lately. My heart just hurts so bad for our kiddos.
It is the MOST difficult conversation to date for me as well. It really suck when they mentally realize that it's here to stay. Thanks for sharing, even know I'm at work with a frog in my throat now. :(
Heartbreakingly tough conversation!
I remember having that talk with Bean about two weeks after dx and it was hard!! We both cried and think that helped her understand that I was just as (if not more!) upset about it as she was.
I've had those conversations, too, and they are excruciating. The reality of this disease can be so difficult.
(((HUGS)))
Ugh, so sad! I can't imagine hearing those comments from a sweet, little innocent voice.
One thing that might help is if she has some contact with adults who have diabetes. Isabel's Daddy has it (my husband, Bob) and we don't have these kinds of conversation. She doesn't think it's any big deal (at the moment, anyway) because he is so pragmatic and realistic about it, and just gets on with it - he encourages her to take the same approach. I hope you and Lovebug find a way through this. (((HUGS)))
oh my... my heart broke for you just now. I am sitting here crying for how I know this must have felt and the fear I have for when Joshua gets it. huge hugs your way
Our way through these discussions has been to point out that different people have different issues- one has diabetes and has to wear insulin pump, another has bad eyesight and has to wear glasses, third has problem with walking and has to sit in a wheelchair. But of course, these discussions are never easy
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