Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I know I'm only human...

Nablopomo ~ Day 5

Today started out pretty good! I slept until 9:15 this morning and the girls didn't wake up until 9:30. I had a blissfully lazy morning and still got plenty of house work done.  (gotta looooove house work!)  I even managed to organize a few things.  

Then it went a little downhill from there.  We have been fighting really high high's with Princess.  They came out of no where 5 days ago.  So today I finally decided  to put a call into our Endo's office and see what they thought, if they had any suggestions.  

While I was waiting for them to call me back, I remembered that it was time for a site change.  I got the stuff out and got ready to make the change.  Got the new site in and all hooked up.  I took the old site out and guess what?!  A frickin' kinked cannula!!!  WTH?!  Seriously, had I thought her high numbers (at least the past couple days) were from a bad site, I will have pulled it and changed it with out any hesitation!  The thing Princess's numbers had been pretty good at night and she was waking up in range in the morning. (actually on the lower end of her range)  So, I thought the site was working just fine.  

Boy do I feel like an idiot!  I can't believe it.  Why didn't I just pull the site right away and change it anyway, even if I thought the site was working I should have changed it just to be on the safe side.  Right?  Stupid me, I didn't and now Princess has suffered for it the past couple days.  *banging head on the table over and over again*  

To add insult to injury my CDE is out for the week and another CDE called me back. She had the nerve to ask me if I was changing sites regularly. (um, REALLY?!) To begin with, this particular CDE is NOT my favorite. She doesn't seem to know much and treats us as though we don't know much.  For goodness sake woman.  I have TWO kids with type 1. ( I wanted to scream this over the phone.)  Yes, there are occasions when a site may go 4 days because in the craziness around our house I forget.  BUT I would never go longer then then that and I would NEVER purposefully leave a site in longer then it should be.  I HATE it when doctors talk down to you like...."are you SURE you know what you are doing?"  I am really glad that CDE couldn't see the look on my face when she asked me that.  Needless to say that what was suggested by our doctor, I am going to ignore for a couple days until I make sure it was from the bad site and not the fact that we do need to make some changes.  

I know I'm not perfect. I know there will be mistakes once in a while. I am only human. But when my little girl suffers for it, no matter how small of a mistake it is.  It hurts.  


Anonymous said...

You are a good mom and I could not imagine handling diabetes for two children. I know I should not say this, but I never call the endo, usually what they suggest I already know and most of the time what the endo suggests ends up not working.

You are great and so are your children, diabetes is what sucks.

With diabetes everyday is different and it is not an exact science.


Sarah said...

It's not like you have super powers to see that the cannula was kinked. We all have outward moments and I can't even imagine doing double duty. You are a terrific mom and doing an awesome job with this crazy disease. Keep your head up and hugs to you and your family!!

KerryC said...

I do the same thing. If Isabel is in range some of the time, I tend to assume it's not the site. We change every 3-4 days with Isabel - I try to do Thursday afternoons after swimming and Sunday afternoons, so she usually has one 4-day site per week unless the routine gets out of whack because of the site falling off or something. Bob sometimes leaves his site in for a week - he frequently forgets. No harm done. Don't beat yourself up! And don't let that CDE (is a CDE a nurse?) get to you....you are the girls' Mummy and you know them better than any healthcare professional, including an endo. Your instinct will win out every time.

Tracy1918 said...

Oh...I'm so sorry. I hate it when you get a CDE that um.....is just plain rude! Happens to us all....but hurts your feelings nonetheless.

You are doing a FANTASTIC job. Hindsight is 20/20. Move on. You did your best and quite frankly, it wasn't so bad! : )

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

Don't beat yourself up! You're doing a great job!

Valerie said...

I'm not perfect, you're not perfect...WE'RE not perfect! It probably feels worse when you're not perfect for your kids vs not being perfect for yourself, but overall, you know what you're doing and you're doing a great job! I never think to change my site when I have a day of highs...I always figure it's stress or hormones or something else. I hate when people talk to you like you're the idiot though...so frustrating!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Yep, only human, but it still stinks when mistakes like that are made!!
Like all of us need to, cut yourself some slack ~ double in your case!
I think sometimes the CDEs need to be reminded that we know what we're doing and that support, not judgement, is what is needed!

Amy said...

That has happened to me several times. Sometimes it's just not all that obvious, and anyone who thinks it's always glaringly apparent really doesn't 'get' it. Diabetes is sneaky!
My parenting mantra is...

You do the best that you can with the information that you have...AT THE TIME!

Put that on your fridge, and repeat it when you think "If only I had..." You gathered info and you made a decision about how to go forward. Anyone in your shoes, with your experience, and facing the same decisions would have done the same thing. It's hard to be a mom. Period. But you have so many more decisions to make on a daily basis that those of us without CWD have to make!

Lora said...

I am not a big fan of my CDE either, but at least its just because she doesn't know anything and not because she treats me like that.

AND... ever since I started Apidra. The have been 4 day sites. If the numbers are good... I'm not touchin!

I hope the bent cannula was the answer. (((HUGS)))

Hallie said...

A bent cannula would so NOT have crossed my mind. Please don't beat yourself up, Heather. We all do the best we can. And your best is pretty darn awesome! Mistakes happen. Yes, it does hurt when it hurts the ones you love. Hang in there! Hoping for smooth seas soon!

Becky V said...

This just happened to us too. The highs were I thought because my son has some virus and some of his numbers were in range. Not just at night but randomly thru the day. So seeing the weirdly bent cannula come out and trying to figure how ANY insulin was coming out of it was trying. Now today his numbers are out of whack again. You can never be sure what to do... don't beat yourself up.


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