Monday, June 7, 2010

Survivor

Well, today I did it.  The day I had been dreading for a little over a year.

I left Love Bug in the care of someone other then my husband for the entire day. Deep Breath. *sigh*

This isn't something I considered lightly. Believe me when I say that I was Scared. To. Death.  What if something would happen, and I wasn't there? A number of different scenarios played out in my head.  Yes, crazy ones that probably no one else would ever think of, but I did.


I hate admitting that it was hard for me.  I hate it that I worry about her SO much.  I hate all the physical and emotional energy this disease takes out of me that I sometimes just don't want to be around my other girls.  I hate that feeling.  So today, I decided to "face my fears" and spend some much needed quality time with my oldest baby.

The morning was almost ruined though. I came VERY close to turning around and going home when I got a phone call from my baby sitter (just 30 minutes after I left) saying Love Bug's BG was 402.  Take a deep breath, It's just a spike from breakfast.  I instructed her how to give a correction bolus and told her to check her again in an hour and let me know only if her BG hadn't gone down or had gone up (for some crazy reason), but that never happens. So, I (tried) not to worry.

Dexie beeped so my sitter called again. She had taken Love Bug's BG and it was 591.  Um, could you repeat that???  (I was pretty sure I was hearing things, I really did not hear 591) She repeats it again.  Oh crap, I did hear 591.  WHAT in the WORLD???  I just had the sitter give her a CORRECTION dose just 50 minutes earlier!! Yes, I did say CORRECTION dose.

Didn't I just say that her BG NEVER goes up AFTER I give a correction dose?  Breathe Heather. (Breathe is what I was telling my self in my head). Praying, "Lord, why NOW?  Do you really want me to have a heart attack right here, right now?  This isn't supposed to happen, not when I'm not there!!!!

So I calmly told the sitter so re-check her again in a half hour and give me a call back.  I very impatiently waited, looking at the time every few minutes. All the while praying, "Please Lord, Let it go down. Please, Lord."  The phone rings and I jump. Love Bug's BG is 460.  Sigh, much better but still not good.  At least I know the correction dose is starting to work now. Another big sigh.

Needless to say, I was hoping for a uneventful day from the big D, but true to it's nature it reared it's ugly head and almost ruined my day.  Praise the Lord it didn't and  I  survived.

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Good for you for getting away! Sorry it was so stressful! I understand the feeling...I keep thinking I want to find a nurse or something to watch Emma, but then I probably couldn't afford to pay them!

The Crazy Pancreas said...

Glad you got out! Sorry D did not cooperate. Hopefully NEXT time it will! (Yes, there HAS to be a next time!) :-)

Hallie said...

I'm so proud of you! It's so hard! I've never left Ave for more than an hour with anyone other than J or my parents. I worry, too. I don't know how NOT to worry.
We had a crazy day, too. And it's so hard not to just want to scoop her up and run home.
I hope you managed to have a great day - despite D being big fat pain - and I hope that next time it will all be easier!

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Oh dear. Well that certainly was a test. Congrats for getting through it. You, my friend, handled that way better than I ever would. Bravo!

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