Monday, May 16, 2011

Truthfully

It's been one month since diabetes made a second appearance in our lives.  Princess diagnosis turned my world upside down, yet again.  Just when I was starting to be "accepting" and getting used to our "new normal" with Lovebug. Honestly, I should have known better, every time I get comfortable with something another "problem" or trial comes along.   Never in a million years would I have thought a second diagnosis would be right around the corner!

This second diagnosis has been MUCH harder then the first.  First of all - NO ONE should have to deal with this.  One diagnosis is enough!  Two is just....there really are now words (beyond belief, maybe?)

I know that shouldn't question why, but it happens.  I go there every once and a while. Not for long though. When I do I get angry, VERY angry.  I just don't understand.  What is it that makes ME (and my family) so STRONG that we were picked to carry this burden?  My shoulders carry enough, they really didn't need this too.  Apparently someone thinks I am capable!

I don't have the crutch of the "unknown" this time.  I know the realities.  I know the dangers.  I know the pain, anger and grief.  I have lived all of it the past two years since Lovebug's diagnosis.  My reality just plain stinks. I know what to expect, or at least I thought so.  It's just different this time.  I am just having a hard time putting it all into words.




8 comments:

Reyna said...

*deep sigh*

I cannot imagine Heather. Putting it to words when it is hard to still wrap your mind around must be quite difficult. Chin up...and when you need to vent or work through your emotions know you can do it here. We are reading and we support you. Love to you and yours.

P.S. Happy Anniversary...and hugs to you and Tim re: the Wings :(

NikDuck said...

Heather, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can only imagine all the emotions and thoughts you are feeling. We all fear our other children being diagnosed. Hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other...that's all we can do! So many people are thinking of you and praying for you. Love, Nicole

Amy said...

I have no idea how you feel, but I'm going to be praying for you today. Maybe your shoulders aren't strong, but God's are...

Lisa Ferris said...

I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams what you are going through. God gave you this burden to carry because he knows what a strong woman you have become. I am so very proud of you and yet know that if you need a shoulder to cry on briefly there are many of us out there to listen. I used to play the "WHY ME" roll when I was dealing with Andy's ADHD. No one understood what it was like to raise that little imp. I know what it is like to feel like the world is revolving and you are all alone. It gets frustrating. I just cant imagine two daughters with type 1 diabetes. It is rough enough getting used to Uncle Pete's insulin and my diabetes. The unanswered questions, what to eat, what not to eat. It is a long road to walk, and you have a long way to go, but keep this in mind. God only gives us what he knows we can handle. He won't give you anymore. I had a very wise person tell me "What doesn;t kill me, makes me stronger". And you will get stronger with each day. You have good blood in you, your a fighter and your daughters are too.

Love you soo much,
Aunt Lisa

Joanne said...

I won't pretend to know how you feel, and I know whatever I say won't ease the pain. I'm sorry. We're all here for you if you need us.

I'm sorry and this sucks. But having read your blog, I know you'll be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sending you HUGS.

Hallie said...

What can I say? I love you! I believe in you. And God never makes mistakes. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do this. And you WILL and you will do it well. Your girls will all grow to be healthy and happy adults... because of YOU. It sucks. It really does. But you got this. And when you don't think you do... you've got us. And you've got Him. ((hugs))

Amy said...

All I can say is . . . I am here. Here to listen, support and pray for you and you sweet family. So sorry, Heather

The DL said...

I just cannot imagine what you are going through. I am here to read your journey and I wish your children only the best.

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