It Turned Everything Upside Down

Very cool video, be sure to watch it all the way through.

Brain Drain

My oldest daughter loves to watch a show called Brain Surge on Nickelodeon.  I think her favorite part is when the kids have to go down the Brain Drain.  It is a tube (with an ear at the top and filled with some sort of whitish substance) that the contestants go down once then have been eliminated. It's rather gross in my personal opinion, but kinda how I feel lately.  Like I'm going down the brain drain tube.

I have been keeping a food journal for Love Bug for a little over a week now, via my endocrine suggestion. Everything she eats and how much along with her BG get recorded in my little notebook.  It's a little tedious but it is proving somewhat helpful.

It has been a great help for looking at her BG trends.  I used to write EVERYTHING down before Love Bug went on the pump.  I was "obsessive"  about it.  Since we got a pump that stores off of her information, carbs eaten, doses given, IOB, correction doses, etc, etc.  I haven't felt the need to "write" anything down.  I told myself  I would religiously download her pump and print out all these awesome reports that I can print out and put those into a notebook.  Yeah, none of that has happened.  Mostly because it takes SO long to download the information from the pump and our printer died so I can't print the reports out anyway. 

Getting back to my point...The food journal is somewhat helpful but I don't feel it is being helpful for what I want to get out of it.  I (and the endocrine) want to know what food(s) cause Love Bug's BG to spike after a meal so we can find a solution to the "problem".  The problem is, I can't always do a BG check an hour after she eats to see if she is spiking or not.  *sigh*  I want to but I can't stop everything everyday to make sure she she getting a BG check an hour after she is done eating.  Not to mention she naps, right after lunch. I'm  not about to go up and wake her up halfway through her nap to check her BG.  (that would seriously be INSANE!) 

I don't want Diabetes to win, again.  I DON"T want to rearrange my life around this disease, again.  Can't Diabetes work around me, just for ONCE!  I know, I know, it doesn't work that way.  But then again, nothing ever works the way I want it to.  Especially when it comes to diabetes.  *sigh*

Needless to say, I am MORE then ready to try a CGM.  Problem is I am so worried about Love Bug having to carry two devices around, two sites on her little body.  She just does not have enough fat on her little body.  The child is ALL muscle.  But, I am afraid it is the only way that we are going to be able to get a (really) good handle on her BG numbers.   So despite all the reservations I have about it, I am pretty sure I am going to call our CDE so we can get in contact the the Dexcom rep in our area and do a trial run. 

On top of all this, despite a  couple nights of  "normal" BG's, Love Bug's BG's have been high again at night, running in the mid to upper 200's.  Not the numbers I want to see in the middle of the night. Strange thing is by morning, she is waking up in range or a little below, and her numbers are great at bedtime.   I want to pull my hair out!!!  WHAT in the world is going on???  I guess the 2 am checks aren't going to stop anytime soon.  This poor mom needs a full night sleep.  Everything is much more tolerable when I have at least 6 hours of continuous sleep. 

Not that I am complaining, really just stating my frustrations with this disease.  But hey, It's par for the course, right?

Dream a Little Dream - Life After a Cure

What would life be like after a cure?  
 
I wouldn't WORRY  anymore that I will go upstairs and not be able to wake Love Bug up in the morning. 

I wouldn't have to listen to Love Bug cry and scream when she is LOW.

I wouldn't have to see her glassy eyes when she is HIGH.

I wouldn't have to POKE her little fingers 8-10 times a day.

I wouldn't have to look at her PUMP as a machine that keeps my baby a live.

I wouldn't feel the need to throw a mommy temper tantrum in the middle of the night when I am so FRUSTRATED I can't see straight.

I wouldn't find test strips all over my house ANYMORE.

I wouldn't have to tell Love Bug she CAN'T eat something because her sugar is to high or low.

I wouldn't have to hear Love Bug say, "I DON'T want to change my site mom, can't we do it tomorrow?"

I would be SHOUTING. (at the top of my lungs)  PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

I would start CRYING uncontrollably.

I would be full of HOPE

I would be giddy with EXCITEMENT

I would be able to SLEEP an entire night for the first time in over a year.

I would be able to walk out of the house with JUST my purse.

I would be able to talk to people about her diagnosis without bursting out in tears of sadness but tears of JOY.

I would be able to hug Love Bug and tell her everything will be okay, and REALLY mean it.

I would be able to BURN all of her diabetes supplies, and I would throw a BIG party to do it!

I would SLEEP, a lot. 

I would be able to CELEBRATE her CURE DAY instead of dreading her diagnosis day every year. 

I would be able to BREATHE  knowing Love Bug will live a full and healthy life without the worries of this horrible disease.

I would SLEEP . (did I mention that before?)

Now, if only the DREAM was a REALITY.

Love Bug's Diabetes Snapshots

Since I haven't really taken any "diabetes" Pictures.  Here are a few of Love Bug up to now...

2 months

At 1 Year

Fall of 2008

One Month her before diagnosis, Celebrating 3rd Birthday

One Week her before diagnosis

Showing off her 1st pump pouch - 6 months after diagnosis

1st JDRF Walk - 6 months after diagnosis and one week after pump start!

And Now, a little over one year after diagnosis

Part of Diabetes Blog Week!

The Report Card for Mom and Dad....So to Speak

I got my dreaded "report card" yesterday from the Endocrinologist.  It wasn't all bad, but I guess I went in knowing it wasn't going to all good either.

Love Bug's A1C was up from 8.1 to 8.7.  Not great but not horrible for her age.  Of course, not where I would like to see it.  (considering just six months ago it was 7.7, we are definitely OUT of the honeymoon stage.) The doctor raised her basal rate to .200 up from .150, changed her breakfast I:C ratio and her ICF.  Which I knew needed to happen a couple weeks ago. I'm glad my "mother's intuition" is still working. It also didn't help that Audrey grew a little over an inch in the past three months. Yikes, no wonder her jeans suddenly started to look short on her!

We also talked to our dietitian and decided, (much to my dismay) to keep a food diary for Love Bug. This way we can pinpoint what foods are making her blood sugar spike. We are also going to take into consideration the glycemic index with certain foods.  I agree that it will be very helpful but I'm not looking forward to all the extra work it is going to entail. Hopefully, a combination of all these things will bring her numbers down.
 
Then there is the CGM.  We now seriously considering it.  Even though, for us, it would mean two separate  devices for Audrey to "carry" around.  My Doctor told me Animas has the technology,  (pump integrated with CGM) they are just waiting for FDA approval.  How accurate that is, I don't know but I wish they would just "hurry" up with it.  Medtronic already has it integrated into their pumps so I wouldn't think it would be too hard. At least one would think.....  Can you tell I am impatient about it? 

 

To Carb or not to Carb... so Let's Get Moving! Days 4 and 5

Love Bug loves food! Basically, we haven't changed how we eat since she was diagnosed.  We let her eat what she wants and we bolus her for it.  We try not to give her too many carbs so it doesn't spike her blood sugar. At the same time she is VERY energetic so she needs carbs to keep her going!   She is a big eater, so it would be hard to tell her no. We don't offer too many sweets, I never have anyway. She does eat a lot of vegetables and fruits.

After talking with our nutritionist at her Endocrine appointment today we decided that we should start logging what she eats.  We already log her carbs, insulin given and bg at each meal.  I have never really wrote down everything she eats.  We aren't looking to change her diet, she see what is making her blood sugar spike and was doesn't.  There are somethings we already know.  We would like to be able to look back when she has those high spikes and see if there is a trend with certain foods.  Seriously, I don't need one more thing to keep tract of but I think in the long run Audrey will be better off. 


As far as exercise goes, she is 4 and we don't have an exercise "routine"  Now that is has started warming up here we have been letting her play outside for a hour or two in the afternoon after nap.  Seems to do her good since she is usually running a little high after her nap.  I do try to make a mental note if she has been too quiet or overly active on any given day.  Love Bug is definitely my active child so we don't really have any problems with "exercise".  If only mommy could find time to exercise then all would be right with the word!  Okay, maybe not but I sure would feel better!

Part of Diabetes Blog Week!

A BIG Shout Out to my Biggest Supporters!

Part of Diabetes Blog Week!

You know, when Love Bug was diagnosed I thought that everyone would just jump on board and not be "scared" to take care of her, boy was I wrong. I had to deal with it, why couldn't everyone else?  I was very surprised at who was there to support me and who decided to distance themselves from the situation.  I know some people, at first, thought it would just go away.  It would be something she would outgrow.  I wish that were the case, but it's not.  The reality is, that this is a grueling disease that has taken over my daughters body.  It wears on her and our whole family.

There are certainly days when I still need that little "pick me up".  There are still days when I cry, wondering why?  Why Love Bug? Why our family? Through it all though, I have still had some big supporters, those who have been there for me through the thick and thin and given me moral support that I have needed. The people I know I can call and "vent" too if I need it. They have helped me out in more ways then I can count. I am so grateful for them.

Those of you that have been there, you know who you are and I just want to say Thank You!!

Thank you for the meals and last minute babysitting.
Thank you for answering any diabetes question I may have.
Thank you for being such a great friend and introducing me other D-Moms.
Thank you for giving me a passion for sewing again. 
Thank you for listening, lending a shoulder and being sympathetic.
Thank you for praying for me and encouraging me when I have needed it most.
Thank you for taking the time to educate yourselves about Type 1, and learning how to care for Love Bug. Thank you for helping me with the JDRF Walk.
Thank you for walking for the cure last year.
Thank you for donating to the cause, helping me to reach my goal fundraising goal. You have no idea what that has meant to me (and our family).
Thank you to all my D-Moms out there, those of you I have met and those of you who offer your support when I haven't even "met" you in person.  You have ALL been such blessings in my life and Love Bug's. I am so grateful the Lord has brought you all into my life! 

I have to give a very special shout out to my biggest supporter, by far.  My husband, Tim.  
(that's Tim and Love Bug below)

From day one, he has been there.  Not just because he has to be, but because he wants to be.  He is a great defender of Love Bug.  He protects her like no one else. He has always been involved in her care, Checking in with me during the day to see how she is doing, learning how to give shots and then learning to change infusion sites with her pump. He comes to all the Endocrinologist appointments that he can. He is always asking questions and trying to learn more about the disease.  He is always networking to help me find other D-Moms out there or other Type 1's that I can gleam information from. 

He is always there to encourage me.  He gives me the love and support that I so desperately need some days.  He understands, he is with me all the time, he sees what Love Bug goes through.  He has let me cry on his shoulder so many nights. He gives me "breaks" when I really need them. It's not just the big things he does either, it's a lot of the little things.  I seriously don't know what I would do with out him! 

I never in a million years would have thought something like this in our lives would bring Tim and I closer together, but it has. Our love for each other has deepened so much over the past year it is just simply amazing. I didn't think I could ever love him more then I already did, but I do now. I love you babe! 


I am just so blessed!  Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU!!!!

Making The Low Go...

Part of Diabetes Blog Week!

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that is what my little girl is made of!

If it was up to me, I would treat lows with Milky Way Midnight Chocolate Bars.  Yep, I have a sweet tooth that LOVES everything dark chocolate. I would keep all sorts of candy bars, and the like in the house.  I also love candy and Skittles and Starburst are among my favorites.  It's really not a good "habit" to have.

Seriously, I really try not to keep candy in the house so usually we just use the old "standbys" for treating a low.  Audrey's favorites seem to be glucose tablets. I believe she has called them giant smarties.  They make me smart, right mom?  Sure kiddo, whatever you say!

Another favorite of Audrey's is fruit snacks. Oh how this child loves her fruit snacks.  This one is a hard one for me though, because fruit snacks aren't the most healthy thing on plant earth.  There is so much artificial stuff in them, but fruit snacks sound more healthy then Starbursts or Skittles. (not that I don't occasionally use Starbursts or Skittles to treat a low.)

There is also juice.  Audrey LOVES juice.  She would live on it if she could.  I have definitely had to come up with creative ways to let her have her juice.  I don't mind "light" juice but I try not to give her foods with artificial sweetener in them too often.  I think it's very hard to avoid it. Audrey will have to have more of that stuff when she is older, might as well keep food at natural as we can until then.  I pretty much stick with 100% natural juice, and add filtered water too it to keep the carbs down.  I also try to make sure she just has it at meal times.  It's a good thing that she also loves milk so I can usually steer her away from the juice (unless she is low) at meal times. 

That really is all we use to treat lows.  I have a hard time with this because I really don't want her to have candy all the time but I don't want to deny her the candy either. I want to keep it a special treat, like it was before Diabetes took over our lives.  

So, that's what we do to make our lows go, what do you do?





 

A Day in the life of....Diabetes (featuring Love Bug)

Part of  Diabetes Blog Week!

Creeeeeek.  There's my wake up call, my noisy door. Mom's coming in to get my big sister up for school.  I have to get up with her because I hate missing out on anything.  I sit up looking very disheveled.  Mom calls me "crazy hair kiddo" when I wake up. I guess my hair must look pretty bad in the mornings.  I give her hugs and kisses then head downstairs for breakfast.  This morning mom has my favorite; pop tart and banana with glass of milk.  Mom gives my my favorite cup, the pink one.  Time to check my sugar. I'm 241 this morning and breakfast is 57 carbs this morning.  Mom says I'm a  little high.  I'm still learning what that means.

After breakfast Mom gets me into my normal routine.  I go to the bathroom, brush teeth, then get dressed.  Mom always has my clothes picked out for me. I tell her that I would like to wear my butterfly shirt, not my pink shirt. I like to get myself dressed, but I still need some help.  I like to try very hard not to ask Mommy for help, to the point of throwing a fit about it sometimes. I like to be independent!  Mom laughs at me struggling, being stubborn (just like Daddy, she says) not wanting to ask for help. I don't find it very amusing (that's a fancy word for funny. Did I mention that I LOVE Fancy Nancy!)

This morning I am going to bible study with Mommy.  I LOVE going to bible study.  Most of all I love playing in the Gym.  I love it that I get to play and have fun while Mommy learns about Jesus and how to be a better Mommy.  (at least that is what she tells me) My teachers, Miss Janet and Miss Veronica, are great.  They help me take care of my Diabetes too. They like to hear about how my sugar is.  They make sure I don't eat too much and watch out for low and high blood sugars. They also are really good at sneaking me my exercise snack before we go to the gym to play.

Mommy checks my sugar when we get there and lets Miss Janet know how I have been and if she needs to watch out for anything.  Mommy checks my sugar again when she picks me up.  I am a little high today. I was 241 when I got up and still 228 now.  Mommy gives me a dose of insulin with my meter and  sends me off.  This morning I had to tell Miss Janet that my tummy hurt.  I started screaming because it hurt so bad. I felt funny too. Miss Janet went and got Mommy.  Mommy checked my sugar and I was low, 56, I hear her say.  Mommy gives me some glucose tablets (watermelon ones are my favorite!) and a juice box. I felt much better after that.  I heard Mommy tell Miss Janet that lows scare her.  I don't like it when my Mommy is scared. 

Mommy picks me up and checks my sugar again, 181. That is right in range.  "Hooray!", says my Mommy.  "You are right on target".  Home again we go.  On Tuesday's we get a special treat for lunch, Lunchable's!
I'm so excited! Mom checks me again before I eat, I'm at 179.  My lunchable with milk is 35 carbs for lunch.

After lunch I lay down for nap time.  When I get up from nap I'm really whinny.  Mommy says I didn't take a long enough nap.  She checks my sugar and I am 281.  Mom sighs, a little high. I don't like it when she sighs. It makes me wonder if I did something wrong. I start to cry.  She sees how sad I am and tells me not to worry, it's not my fault.  I didn't do anything wrong.  Mommy is just upset with my diabetes.  I want fruit snack for a snack, but Mommy says no, my sugar is too high.  I throw a fit.  I want fruit snacks!!!  She makes up for it by giving me the next best thing, cucumber slices and a cheese stick.  The yellow cheese sticks (Colby jack my mom calls them) are my favorite.

It's a nice day out so Mom says we can go outside and play.  HOORAY!  I get my shoes on and head outside.  Today I want to play with sidewalk chalk.  I really like to draw.  I also get my bike out and ride bikes with my little sister until my big sister gets home from school.

At dinner time Mommy checks my sugar before I eat.   It is 278.  Mommy can't believe it's that high after running around outside. Dinner is 67 carbs, it's taco night!  The soft shells are my favorite but Mommy wishes I liked the hard ones, she says there are less carbs in those ones. 

After dinner I get my books out while Mommy cleans up the kitchen and helps big sister with her homework.  I love to "read:" books. Especially Fancy Nancy books!  I memorize them so I can read them to Mommy sometimes.  She really likes that and I like it too.

Tonight, I get to do something special. It's my turn to go for a walk with Daddy.  Mommy checks my sugar before I go, 221.  Not too bad, it is only an hour after dinner.  Off I go with my Daddy.  He takes me to the park by the river.  It is really close to our house and one of my favorite parks.  I like to ride my bike on the bike path and stand on the bridge and look for fish.

When we get back from our walk me and my sisters wrestle with my Daddy for a while.  At bedtime Mommy check my sugar, 301.  She give me a correction dose and tucks me and my sisters into bed.  I snuggle in for the night with my pink puppy and my bug bug blankie. 

At 11pm Mommy comes up to check my sugar.  It is higher, 392.  I don't even wake up, but Mommy says that I put my finger out for her in my sleep now.  I guess I am getting used to my Diabetes.  Mommy gets back up again at 2:30 am.  I am still high, but a little better at 298. Mommy tries to give me another correction dose but my insulin pump won't let her.  She doesn't want to wake me up to grab my pump out of my pouch so she lets me sleep.  She says that I get woke up enough at night lately that I don't need to get woke up anymore.

Mommy goes back to bed until her alarm goes off at 6am.  It's a short night for her and me. We are both really tired in the morning.  It is a new day though and maybe, just maybe, my sugar will cooperate today. (cooperate is a fancy word for being good).

I LOVE the idea!

Diabetes Blog Week! 
I read about the idea over at Karen's Bitter-Sweet Blog  . I am going to participate will you?  Make sure you go over to her blog and comment so she can put you on the participant list.  It will be neat to see all the different posts and how everyone looks at each topic differently!

Here is the information from Karen's Blog:

Participation is easy.  Below I've listed seven blog topics for next week - just in case you want to start drafting your posts in advance.  Use these topics as a starting point for your post each day and see where it takes you.  Write as much or as little as you like.  There are no right or wrong answers - just read over the topic and start blogging!  I've also included a wild card topic - use that if you find a day when you just can't think of anything to write about the chosen topic.

Monday 5/10 - A day in the life . . . with diabetes. Take us through a quick rundown of an average day and all the ways in which diabetes touches it. Blood tests, site changes, high and low blood sugars, meal planning, anything that comes along. This can be a log of an actual day, or a fictional compilation of pieces from many days.

Tuesday 5/11 – Making the low go. Tell us about your favorite way to treat a low. Juice? Glucose tabs? Secret candy stash? What’s your favorite thing to indulge in when you are low? What do you find brings your blood sugar up fast without spiking it too high?

Wednesday 5/12 – Your Biggest Supporter. Sure, our diabetes care is ultimately up to us and us alone. But it’s important to have someone around to encourage you, cheer you, and even help you when you need it. Today it’s time to gush and brag about your biggest supporter. Is it your spouse or significant other? Your best friend, sibling, parent or child? Maybe it’s your endo or a great CDE? Or perhaps it’s another member of the D-OC who is always there for you? Go ahead, tell them just how much they mean to you!

Thursday 5/13 - To carb or not to carb. Today let’s blog about what we eat. And perhaps what we don’t eat. Some believe a low carb diet is important in diabetes management, while others believe carbs are fine as long as they are counted and bolused for. Which side of the fence do you fall on? What kind of things do you eat for meals and snacks? What foods do you deem bolus-worthy? What other foodie wisdom would you like to share?

Friday 5/14 - Let's get moving. Exercise . . . love it or hate it? Do you have a regular exercise routine? Or do you have trouble finding your exercise motivation? How do you manage your insulin and food to avoid bottoming out during your workout? Today is the day to tell us all about your exercise habits, or lack thereof.

Saturday 5/15 - Diabetes snapshots. Inspired by the Diabetes 365 project, let’s snap a few d-related pictures to share today. Post as many or as few as you’d like. Be creative! Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures. Or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Sunday 5/16 - Dream a little dream - life after a cure. To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.

Wild card - Blood Sugar Nirvana or Moronic Moment.  (inspired by the lovely Kelly Kunik) Blog about the time you ate a meal that tends to spike you to the moon, but your perfectly calculated and timed bolus kept your blood sugar happy. Or tell us about that time your brain had a little diabetes-blip and you did something you think is “stupid”. (Because chances are, we’ve done it too!!) Go ahead, brag about your triumph or commiserate about your d-blooper. 

The key to making Diabetes Blog Week a success is YOU!!  Together we can make Diabetes Blog Week a success!

Just A Little Sleep Deprived

Ever have one of those days when your mind keeps going but your body wants to stop?  Well, today, that's me. Very little sleep the past couple nights will do that to me.  Oh, the life of a sleep deprived mom!

 My stinking Giant sure has been rearing it's ugly head around here lately. I would like to pull a David and just get it in the eyes with a sling shot.  Too bad I can't!  Love Bug's blood sugar levels have been running consistently higher then normal.  I would guess around the last week or so.(I need to download her pump info) I wasn't too worried about it at first, but now that it has been a while, I am wondering if we are going to have to change her basal rate again. Not to mention the last few days she has had that "glassy" look in her eyes that she only gets when her blood sugar is really high.


"Normally" she has always been a little higher before bed, which I actually like.  It gives me a little "security blanket" knowing that it is pretty unlikely that she will go low during the night.  The last couple nights though, she has been really high, so I have been giving her a correction dose then checking her again before I go to bed.  When I go to bed though, she as still high. Her blood sugar has even gone up, not down.  Frustrating, to say the least.  So, I have been giving her another correction dose and then get up at 2 am and check her again.  So far she has been right in range at her 2 am check.  I sure wish I knew what is going on between the hours of 7:30 p.m. and 2 a.m.!

Now to start the checklist of things that might need to change. Possibly change basal rate, temp basal, or I:C ratio at dinner, who knows.  Well, I'll know within the next week or so but until then I am going to have to keep getting up a couple times a night so I know whether or not we have a pattern going here. 

Of course, all this gets me to start questioning if I am doing things right. Maybe I should start actually measuring all her food out.  Right now, I just eye it.  I know about what a cup, half cup, quarter cup and so on look like.  What gets me is when I have to figure out serving sizes in ounces.  I don't have a food scale, maybe I should buy one.  I'm not sure I want to be that regimented with things though.  I don't mind if there is a little fluctuation to her blood sugars, the Doctor said it's normal at this age anyway.  I figure there will be plenty of time as she gets older that we will have to be more regimented about it. I want to let her enjoy her childhood as much as she can. (within reason of course)  Still, that little voice in me says, most everyone else does it and you want the best for your daughter, right?  Ugh, I hate that voice.  Of course I want whats best for her!!!  I'm her mother!

I don't let her have junk food only once and a while.  I tend not to even keep too many sweets in the house anymore, unless it's something that's used to raise a low blood sugar.  I try to keep everything home-made and as healthy as I can.  I would LOVE to buy everything organic but my budget just doesn't allow for that.
I feel like I do the best I can, but then why do I still question it when her blood sugar goes to high or low?  Or when her A1C numbers come back, not exactly where I want them, but still in good range?

I know it's the perfectionist in me.  I want to "fix" it and make it all better, quickly.  Unfortunately, you just can't do that with Diabetes. I manage it for her, as best as I can.  I am always looking for improvement, new ideas or even new foods to try. Anything to help me control her Diabetes.

Well, that's me "sounding off".  Not frustrated but wondering and questioning.  All the time it seems like. Maybe someday I'll get my body to catch up to my mind.  In the meantime, I guess I will just be one sleep deprived mom!